Friday, September 8, 2006

More on My Father

Mood?  Tired, overwhelmed, tired........   did I mention tired?! lol   Brian talked of a woman from his reunion, who he believes must compartmentalize in order to deal with some of the things she's dealt with in life (such as being IN the Pentagon when it was hit on 9/11/2001).   Maybe sometimes I do some of that, too, compartmentalizing.   I don't know how else to really deal with running two households.   I can't, actually.   I'm not doing a good job of it.   I'm urged to get a Power of Attorney.  Yeah, that, too, I need to learn about them, all of that.  

Oy.   My father needs so much help.   I'm realizing he qualifies for utliity aid, too, and he'll need it cuz our bills here are going up 35%, but it's such a maze of qualifications and forms, and of course, they want you to visit in person yeah right, NOT.  As if I'm even a paperwork person to begin with, any paperwork overwhelms me.   I can't even get the forms
from online it seems.   I found his expired passport, but all of his other id's are lost.
His upstairs bathroom is leaking through into the kitchen.  
And no wonder there's sometimes trash in the living room -- he keeps a couple frozen dinners in there by him, to "defrost."   He felt a bit defensive.   He says the oven isn't working.   I point out to him, gently, that they are able to be put in the microwave.   I show him on the box how there are instructions on all the meals I get for him, for microwave use.   I'd cleanedhis new one out a while back; it should be fine to use.    I'll have to check to see if he starts using it or not.  He DID okay me contacting Meals on Wheels.   I'd forgotten to.   But, yeah, another place I SHOULD contact.   Maybe after the plumbing is fixed, so I don't risk having a stranger come in and say, yikes, this isn't safe housing!   It IS safe and fine, actually, and all the trash is picked up and gone, and I keep his kitchen clean now, other than that leak but there's a pot there we both dump out, but still.
And his phone, the new cell phone, isn't working again and yet I'm to take care of that.  I'm not a male so I can't impersonate my father while in the cell phone store, and my brother can't be bothered, heck, he won't even give me the code which he uses to authorize payments.   Not like I'm going to take over payments, or mess w/ my brothers phone, just trying to help my father.   I'm thinking we'll ship it back, that may work, or, I should say, that I'll ship it back.   The keys were always too little for him to press just one of at a time, anyway.   
We went over the lastest on some bills, I typed up a letter for him to send to a company.   He'd mailed me a request to find the name and # of his attorney.  Yeah, like I remember.  Maybe so, maybe in my notes at work.  He didn't ask me it when I visited; he'd forgotten I was coming by.   I had told him I would to verify with him the amount of his last payment to his gas bill, and to let him know that I had deposited a check for him.  He asked me about those, but not about the attorney.   I wonder why he's wanting that; I think he just needs some clarification about his homeowners insurance as it relates to his mortgage, but I should find out I suppose.
Last Sunday, I got to spend 4 hours with him.   That was good:)   Clipped his nails, per his request, so yeah, had him help me with the trash, various cleaning, got groceries which takes a while because I'm really careful about it, and sharing two rolls of photos with him.   I think he enjoyed the socializing part best.   Some were photos from Maine, some from M's July birthday party, and one from her dancing at the feis w/ her cousins (via her dad) visiting.    He hadn't seen what my mother, his former wife, looks like lately, nor her sisters.    He used to get along well with the one, fine w/ them all, but real well with the one.    Enjoyed seeing M, too.   My dad used to love photography.  
I had a lot of cleaning up that visit as I hadn't been there in 2 weeks, but, it could have been worse.   He asked me where I'd been, that I hadn't been there the past 2 weeks, but I HAD been there the week before last; I only missed one Sunday.   Maybe it felt like longer because I'd been coming over more often when M was away during the summer.
In a nutshell, that's how he is.
I need to get him back for a haircut, too, I think.   That's a chore.   And the dentist, yikes, his teeth are not looking good.
I really like that he doesn't have much access to alcohol any more.  He is more consistently aware.  Oh, the dementia's still there, but still.   He was doing well last Sunday.   The to-do list, and got him to change his shirt at least, "It's okay, Robin, I'm just at home; no one sees me."   But I'm doing [his] laundry, anyway.  "Oh, okay, then."  Boy do his clothes stink sometimes.  I use Borax in almost all of our laundry now, and I wash his clothes separately, just in case.  
The visit yesterday, well, he was mentally "alright," but overall, it has me worrying more.

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