Monday, September 4, 2006

3 years?!

Another 3 years?  Oh, I knew I wouldn't see Brian tonight.  I know he needs to be with his family:) and when he called me to talk and stuff, I told him I knew that, and that I was being selfish to suggest otherwise.   He said it's okay for me to be selfish every 14-15 years:)   Promises me photos, says his parents still have dial up so he'll read my e-mails and write me back when he's back home.  I told him I think I just needed to get a lot of thoughts out of my head, so ignore as appropriate.   He knows me; it's okay.  

His dad is "okay."   Good.  Not too much worse than in the Spring.  I'm glad.   He said that yes, it was very good to be there, so I'm glad for that, too:)   We talked of his visit there, going through things, ancient woodcut prints he's getting and bubblewrapping, his niece and nephew........   It IS good he's home, and not for thee final visit type thing, either.   I suppose I could have planned to met him at the airport tomorrow, but, eh.   For one thing, there wouldn't be much time.  For another, what else is there right now?   Not as if it's closeby me, not really, and he didn't suggest it, and yeah, just let him go home.   Feels weird b/c it writes as "just let him go" before it writes "just let him go HOME" and yeah, his home IS there now.

I think I asked him three times to please stay more in touch this time.   Keep me informed as to how his father is, that I really DO want a good photo of him, that I can maybe even sent him a joint Christmas card, if I actually got any sent out this year:)   Not as if he sends them, either, tho I'm sure the thought is there, lol.   Calls on our birthdays maybe.

But, for seeing each other again?   All he can offer is "rumour of a big reunion in 3 years."   Yeah, I know that.   And, I was even fine w/ that earlier today.   I just don't like to hear him say it.   (Oh, I told him, when we talked of photos and he was concerned about sending me any big files, that I can get those.   I look forward to some really great ones!   They put a digital camera on their scope, for one thing.   That I had been trying for a while tonight to get photos uploaded to my journal, unsuccessfully I might add GRRRRl.   That, um, I do have a journal, and he IS mentioned, but not in an identifiable way, not that it seemed to phase him, but eh.)

Brians voice isn't the same as it used to be.   Oh, it's still him alright.   But, all of these years in California has, as I tell him, "mellowed" it.   I don't know that he had a Maryland accent per se, and he lived first in NC but only until about 5, but it was HIS voice.   Just not so strong now.  

Wonder where I'll be in 3 years.  Likely "here," with M 1 years of high school under her belt, heading into her Sophmore year, looking forward to the next year when she'll be 16 and can start thinking of driving and having a car.   But, still, I wonder, romantically speaking and otherwise, where will *I* be?  Even if I'll still wish to meet up with Brian, if he is in town.   Of course, his father's passing is likely, too, but, um, I didn't bring that up to Brian.

And, spending those 14 hours w/ Brian?  It has had me reexamine things in my life.   That's not so bad, either.  My dear friend -- it was good to see him, catch up.   Too short it seems, but there.  I am glad.

Tomorrow, Brian flies home, M starts school (my mom is "on call" in case C refuses to get M to school but he SHOULD do that), in theory I'll still talk w/ M tonight (this is weird, day 4 now and it's court ordered every 3 days minimum), I'll drop by M's school, I'll drop by my dad's (spent 4 hours there yesterday, this is a followup), tomorrow is the first youth group night! if M wishes to go, her first "afternoon at the barn" that's not for daycare, and she comes home; tomorrow is the start of the new year.   

And, maybe next week, BJ will be in town.  But, that's a whole other issue.........   another entry if I feel like writing it.

And this PMS'g stuff?  UGH, I'm sure that has an effect (affect?) on all of my emotions lately.   What IS it with me this week, blech!

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