Thursday, July 2, 2009

and I just don't care. I want her happy.

M seemed sullen to go with Si's friends older sister yesterday, into the pool (and also with Sh, who is Si's mother and M's dad's long-term girlfriend). She likes pool time, brought her favorite suit, has nothing against this girl but they're several years apart in age and don't really relate; this is really Si's playdate time.

As I say in the Irish dance world when people ask if I know this adorable "she looks like she's no more than 5 years old" girl, I just say she's my daughter's sister. (It was fun to enjoy Celtic Fling Feis and watch Si's first preliminary championship level competition, even if her barely 7 year old self competed w/ dancers up to 10 years old.) M was happy to be supportive when she was there watching, and I'm proud of how M did act. Even if she was a bit reluctant at first but I told her she had to. Gorgeous weather, teacher FT was there watching and encouraging, asking me, "Which hip of M's is hurting her?," right when M continued to not have her slap kicks very high. Ends up, she IS injured, and danced better at the Old Dominion Feis (the week previous; now M has a hip point contusion or something). Both girls ended up with similar placements at this feis, albeit a much higher percentage were "placed" (awarded) for Si's competition. M pointed this out just to me, then stayed silent about it, not wishing to diminish Si's moment that could have also been M's. She understands this.

It's harder to understand when M's own parent, her father C, won't watch her dance even when he shows up (the last two feiseanna he attended, he watched only Si's competitions, and never once watched a single one of M's competitions). M notices this, other parents notice this, but for M, mostly, it just plain hurts. Again.

I had agreed to drive M back from the hip hop / Irish dance rehearsal yesterday in part as it meant I had some extra time with her and could watch her rehearsal which I like to do. I get to interact w/ other parents, and know what M's thinking and feeling about the piece and how it's going for her. It's funny to hear the dancers descriptions, this is a vulture and this move like a monkey, and we have prairie dogs and........ other animals. It helps them laugh at this difficult complicated piece, that actually is looking like it'll be real good. Her dad, C, and the girlfriend, Sh, refused to have M have any activities during "their" time w/ M this summer, yet she won a spot on this piece via audition. She was excited about this, and it's part of what is keeping her in the performance dance company this year. If they're insisting she can only do this with switched time yet again (cue eyeroll), I will be supportive of M and share in this with her to an extent.

Enroute to the pool handoff ("I hate feeling like a piece of luggage,") she'd had a call with Al and a mutual girlfriend J from their former school. He's been in town visiting his dad for a lot of the summer, at first hanging with M yet now technically dating J's friend, who is now also a friend of M's, but eh something's not letting me know the full story. It's okay that I don't, I think. Even if she and Al are still close, talk a lot, go to movies and dinner he has started paying for. Also, he can get unintentionally pushy for their interpersonal styles differ. She deserves better but who am I to say; I'm "just" mom :) so I just remind her that she has a right to have a voice and be respected.

Me's also enjoyed more time with a best friend. This girl's also 15 (M will be within the week). Best friend who I've heard several times when no one remembered I could overhear or happen to see w/out trying to pry, is considering lesbianism, trying it out for herself with at least one relationship that's ended w/ her crushed. I see M and best friend hug each other, share secrets like close friends do, anyway. And I know M either will be a lesbian or won't be, or will be bisexual (she's too into guys, though, I think, to ever not have a continued interest in them, and I think in overhearing things that M and best friend are not romantic), and I just don't care. I want M happy, and their relationship is useful and helpful for both girls. They really benefit from each other.

And, with all the teenage angst she has, with all else I'm going through (serious work crisis; E and I are doing great), with the effect her relationships and a sickness had on her final grades and her emotional breakdown when she DID tell her dad and Sh that she didn't want to go there one last minute day and they, well, did get very mad about it, gosh.

Isn't that, ultimately, really, what everyone wants for his or her child, for said growing teenager into young adult "child," to simply feel loved, have at least one close friend to share secrets and angst, and to be HAPPY? I don't want her sullen; I want her to feel good about herself, I want her to stay loving her dance or whatever else she wishes to pursue that fits in, I want her respected and loved, to be healthy, and there is just too daggone much else going on in this world to be concerned about what gender a potential mate is; push comes to shove, and I just don't care. I want her HAPPY.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Do you really want the answer?

You keep asking my daughter if she even wants to be [visiting] there with her dad, and you, and your child with her dad, i.e., my daughter's half sister 8 years younger.
You're not happy when she doesn't answer.
She's trying to be polite; she doesn't really wish to hurt your feelings (and is also a scared to speak it out loud to you).
Every time you ask her, she's that much closer to giving you the answer.
Please don't be mad at her when she does.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

THIS explains Twitter.

I knew I needed to learn more when E asked me what Twitter is. I've had some of you "gentle readers" tell me that they, too, Twitter, and invite me to follow them.

So, intrigued, I had figured out part of it. I knew that people can write short status reports and send them off to fans who sign up to receive them. I wasn't sure where I, as a potential fan, would go to in order to receive them (do them come to my e-mail, my Facebook, my blog, the poster's blog?). I think some people "Twitter" from their cell phones, but hey, I've yet to download music onto my combination cell phone/MP3 player, never mind access the internet and e-mail like my daughter can, and does. I like the short status comments on Facebook, hmmm, this has appeal. Maybe.

Then, yeah, this woman wrote fairly clear and detailed information on what Twitter is, and how to sign up. Wow. Even if, yes, its intention is for people who wish to follow Worlds. The World-level competition for Irish stepdancing will be held this April 5-12, 2009, in Philadelphia. Hey, you can now sign up for Twitter alerts:)

I just, maybe, gosh do I need something else, might, too.

So, stop on by, congratulate her on her pregnancy, and check it out.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Weekend: Part 1: Big Show, et al

Summary: It was thee best "Big Show" show, ever, and I've seen them all. It DID rain on Sunday's parade, but it didn't dampen the enthusiasm.

Friday night:

Rush hour traffic TO the theatre for tech rehearsal wasn't good, but wasn't horrible. Such a beautiful, historical theatre; it even has a balcony. The girls checked out the small dressing rooms, yet with lighted mirrors, and a sturdy rod that went the length of the room which was great for hanging costumes. It was exciting to see their Irish Dance school name on the marquee, and M's photo on the wall-sized poster as advertisement. Visited a local Irish establishment with a dance dad (DAID) while waiting, who took a smaller poster to put in their window. C's office is nearby, so he'd stopped over and told me to pick up a town newspaper, as M's photo and a write up on "Big Show" and TCRG Ma was in it. Got texts from E's daughter about the "smaller town" parade Saturday morning. Seeing the dancers onstage still gives me such pride in them all. I picked up the tickets I'd ordered last December, put two back on hold in my mother's name, and worried that our 3rd row seats would be too close, oh well. Tech rehearsal ran a little over, but it'd run well. The 100 extra lightbulbs that'd been rented, were needed.

I took M home so she could prepare for Saturday and get some rest, then I joined E at a ceili in progress. This is our main Irish ceili and set dance groups annual St. Patrick's Day ceili. It's beginner and family-friendly, and the one M enjoys the most, where people "know her name," and have watched her grow up. She'd started her Irish dancing with this group. M's stepdance school often performs a short bit during break, but the owners of the small town venue complained of the hardshoes on their wooden floor, and the dancers had their tech rehearsal as a conflict, anyway. (Another of their school's performing group performed at the annual "big country club" gig, so yeah, one less stressor.) I was tired, but it was fun to get in the time there that I could, even the last dance of Haymaker's Jig. M enjoys that dance, and had planned to attend, originally. Even TCRG Ma exclaimed regret, "I love that ceili!" I got a call confirming the new time for dancers to meet up at the theatre tomorrow, and I texted with M to make sure she was getting to bed.

After I was home and walked Daisy, I pulled M's black jazz pants and yet another pair of black tights out of the wash, which M'd forgotten to do, in hopes they'd dry by morning.


Threw black jazz pants and black socks into the dryer for just a short bit. Called Mom about the tickets being in her name, which relieved her. I reminded her that my stepfather's seat has no one sitting in front of him, which should be great for his legs. I figured I'd tell Mom at the threatre that C's mother had asked ME, not him who lives in this town, to pick up a ticket for her. Ultimately, E would sit w/ his parents, and C's mother would sit with Mom, stepfather, and me.

M went to pack up her gold tiara for SO's daughter, and realized it can't work any longer for her old green velvet with gold sleeves solo dress. Previously, L's mom lovingly sewed a pink backing to M's gold tiara to match M's current solo dress, of pink, gold, and black. SO's daughter had borrowed M's green and gold dress to dance at Shamrockfest at RFK stadium, as she's between dresses. SO said the girl could wear her silver tiara and wig, instead. M's "Big Show" will use natural hair. Some girls were curling their hair, but apparently the latest thing is straightening hair. M was up early straightening hers, and going over her costumes again just in case. I left to pick up E and drop him off at the "town" parade; he's in charge of our main groups parades. His daughter brought her two boys, all decked out and excited. I hated missing it; I never miss this one. At least I didn't have to also find SO in the gatherings to pass off the tiara. All reports are that this one was fun and went well, like usual.

Helped M pack her basket and things into the car, and off to the theatre! This was dress rehearsal morning, with full colored lights and costumes and hair and makeup. One adult in the group had asked the newer girls how to apply makeup; they all needed assistance from the more veteran performers. Two girls just received their new, new-styled velvet dresses; one arrived that morning. It's interesting how each unique dress looks so wonderful on its owner when planned well. How beautiful, and how differently they'd look if on another dancer. I talked some with TCRG/Figures Teacher about the solo dresses, upcoming spring recital, and the figures choreography. The figures choreography piece is in "Big Show," and looks really great with their new school dresses. I waited until their opening number, which took a while as details were being set up and worked out first. Wow. All the time, all the driving, all the rehearsals and lessons, all their hard work and dedication, and us parents money. When these dancers come out in their fanciest competition costumes, i.e., the solo dresses for girls and vests and tie outfits for boys, and perform that opening hardshoe piece, it just takes your breath away. They looked great, and obviously love dancing it. It's just so worth it. I'm so proud of them all.

E was calling to see when I'd be back, as the town parade had ended. I hated leaving the dress rehearsal, yet, my day was only beginning. The parade after party, with our main dance group, was about to start. While I skipped the several versions of corned beef, I love the carrots and potatos and cabbage boiled along with the corned beef. And soda bread. And, specially made Irish coffee (rather weak this year but that's just fine). Some music, some hanging out, then off again. E's parents were driving up from northern Virginia, to his home. They're getting a little older, and were meeting us at E's home. (My mother and stepfather live in the older town where "Big Show" was being held.) The parking garage was PACKED as was the theatre, and we'd even arrived in plenty of time. My stepfather wasn't feeling well, unfortunately, but a friend of my mom's was able to use the ticket.

It was thee best show ever. I told TCRG Ma that, and she said, "The kids were on fire." Yes, they all were, just on top of it and into it, and THERE. No rainsticks breaking and b-b's all over the floor (that happened at their 1st run 2 weeks previous, but none of us in the audience could tell). My mother cracked up at the scene held in the Catholic school, Class Act, which was the intended response. Kitchen Jam is also a fun piece, and so full of details,


Monday, February 2, 2009

Within 6 words.

"For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Ernest Hemingway's sentence is the example used by The Washington Post. It says everything necessary.

My favorite chapter is Frank McCourt's final chapter to his book, Angela's Ashes. I quote it in its entirety: "Tis."

Again, it says everything necessary.

The Washington Post is hosting a contest for St. Valentine's Day, in which people are supposed to summarize their lives (or, more specifically, their love lives), in 6 words or less. That got me thinking, how do I summarize beyond the forced brevity of a facebook status?

To help my daughter understand the assignment, I created this for her:

"He moved. I have internet." Or, "He moved. She has internet." Even if, primarily, they communicate via cell phone possibilities. Perhaps I'll tweak it.

For my late cousin:

"Singles dance. Husband waits, with gun."

For my beau:

"Waited, 6 years. I'm yours."

If you wish to play along, please add a note in my comments (either your 6 or less words, or a link to your blog), and send them to
I'm curious:)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

she's feising and I'm home

The more nervewracking (sp) part is over. This is a new first time ever feis, that filled up quickly. Apparently there was a desire to feis in January, even with January typically being the coldest month of the year and this feis in Pennsylvania (west of Philly).

Many in M's Irish dance school are there, or, well, whom she knows and likes to hang with and/or support. There are also a few dance friends from other schools, just not as many as this IS a few hours away.

M left me a pair of bubble socks for the laundry earlier this week. What the heck -- is this -- mold? Ends up, the various shades of green eye makeup she had for while wearing her former solo dress, had ended up breaking apart and coloring a lot of formerly white items in her feis bag. Lovely colors, that yes, look like moss, or mold. It washed out, and I'd put them back in her feis bag, not realizing that's how they got dirty in the first place. Thankfully, this pair stayed clean, even while the others were fully green and, well, moldy looking lol. We didn't know until Friday afternoon that she was going to this feis, with mere minutes to pack her up.

Ice, sleet, wintery mix, all sorts of precipitation varieties were scheduled for yesterday through the night around 3:00 a.m. or so. Nicely, this venue is located off of highways, the weather was fine enough this a.m., still thin swirls of ice on some car windows here early a.m., but fine enough; M and I texted about 8:46 a.m. They were pulling into the parking lot. Good. Her competition was scheduled to be the third one in on her stage, and this should have, did, allow for sufficient time (the feis started at 9:00 a.m.).

Last night, she'd texted me, YEAH I FOUND MY INHALER. M's good, higher Rx one, had gone missing since a gig. Ugh, not good. I did find her chamber in her feis bag (usually kept with her dance shoes). L's mom had promised M could use L's inhaler today, but it's dosage isn't as good, and the chamber really helps her out. That M's main concern about her dancing this morning was not asthma related, is great.

So I waited, anxious and eager, I suppose, really wishing I was there to share with her, and watch her. Yes, I like hanging with the MAIDs (and DAIDs), and seeing the other dancers, too, but primarily, of course, I want to see how my daughter's doing. Even with her friends, and their MAIDs (a couple potential DAIDs), and opf course, M's half-sister's Mom there, who took M to this feis. It was good to hear she did as fine as I knew she could. Just, just, well, not being there was hard, especially while her particular competition was going on.

At 11:28 a.m., M was able to text me: "Finishd n stages r runnin well. [TCRG] said we did well [meaning her and L] but wit duct tape my hard shoe wuz muffled. [Cboy] lookd amazin."

So, great:)

They're likely finishing up lunch about now. Not sure if this feis is doing champion level awards throughout the day, or all at the end of the day. I'll find out, just, phew. The hard part is over. She hadn't really wanted to go, not feeling so great earlier in the week, etc. I'm proud of her:) And, I'm real happy that the biggest thing for her was not that she "died" (asthma problems), or other things, but the muffling of the sound of her hardshoe (hornpipe) dance.