It's been a somewhat interesting week in terms of my girlfriends and their dating lives.
One has started a new phase with a guy she's seeing casually, worried if she slept with him too soon while trying to convince herself that it's okay to have a fun summer relationship; another is winding down with a guy she's been dating for a while, the first "real" one after her divorce and having trouble speaking to him what she's feeling; she's very traditional. These two particular women would prefer that the ones boyfriend hadn't gone into such honesty, even if very tactfully and sensitively written. I'd rather have the details and honesty, personally, as does another woman we both know, who claims she sometimes feels like a guy in a woman's body for some of how she deals with dating. Give me honesty, respect me enough to do that, and I can then chose how to deal with it.
Oh, it's so daggone difficult for people rejoining the dating scene after something like a divorce, and the questions and emotions some women have, "do I do this, what does this mean," bleh I know I can't follow rules I don't even know "the rules," but the women who ask and worry are just trying for a positive relationship, the intentions are good even if I find some of it game-playing. I won't play games.
Dating can be more complicated with kids, and not just because of schedules and finding time to date / romance. Heck, I love that BJ is involved with his kids lives, has half-custody and all, parenting is important and he and I both see it as a priority, but admittedly, it takes a lot of time to be involved with FOUR kids lives, plus we both work, so scheduling even a nice chat never mind a visit, it can get hard. One woman is struggling over when to introduce her son to her boyfriend, her first boyfriend after the breakup with her only real ever boyfriend / love / father to her son. I wish she'd write us again:) I think she's the youngest in the e-mail loop. (BJ's met M, but I've not been to his city. Patience he asks -- visit soon, he asks, after his divorce is final. Yeah, that'd be fun. And, no rush on meeting his kids -- I'd love to, but I do NOT wish to push them.)
Then there's my girlfriend I went out with Wednesday night. She can be a trip sometimes (and is a bit more "in your face" than I could ever be). We went to The Cheesecake Factory after the Scythian concert at Strathmore. She had some fancy kahlua drink that I bet was scrumptious. I knew my blood sugar level was low enough, I shouldn't have alcohol, so I had a fruit smoothie (man, that was good, mango, pineapple, coconut okay, likely as many carbs as a Kahlua drink!, but healthier, lol), and an ahi tuna with (too little) avocado appetizer for the protein. I so rarely splurge, and I'm getting hungry again now, so guess I felt I had to mention what it was:) We talked of many things, including the latest on the cleanup of her flooded apartment, and men. Her FWB (friend with benefits) of 18 years is engaged to be married in February. Oh, he's asked her to be his girlfriend, but she's the one saying no, says she knows him too well to do that. She's stayed sleeping with him through all of his girlfriends, but she stops with him when she's dating someone seriously. Guess it's worked for them. She has met the fiance, who should be moving in with him shortly. My friend had had sex with him that morning and I forget how she happened to meet up with them later. My girlfriend will stay sleeping with this guy until the actual wedding occurs, then she is cutting him off, but figures he'll eventually cheat with someone. Ah, yeah, okay. She has no problem telling anyone, even her own mother, that they are friends. She just tells her female friends a bit more, and sometimes too much of a bit more information, but not like I'm going to even state on here her (or his) name, yanno. She'll go to a party Saturday night thrown by this guy for his fiance, as this guy's long-term friend.
This is the girlfriend of mine who knows R, and I'm told was really trying to get him to date her. She's apparently good friends with him, including him on her "short-list" when she sends out e-mail items. She wasn't invited to the party by our other girlfriend, where I met R. It's finally long enough ago, I mentioned it, saying she must have been in Florida that weekend (she wasn't). I wanted to spare her feelings so she wouldn't think she'd been not invited to our other friends party on purpose, and she believed me. Okay, usually honesty is good but here it made no sense to hammer it in, right? :) She tells me she once really had the hots for R (her words), and he wouldn't even go out with her. That she's only known him to go out with one person the whole time she's know him; that it's HIM, a but stuck in a rut / in a routine, NOT me. Well, she and I are rather different types in many ways; someone liking her probably wouldn't like me and vice versa. I know he liked me, and he even said he was enjoying our conversation that night. She sent me his personal e-mail he finally got, says she has his cell # if I ever want it (yeah like I'd go call him on his cell w/out advance notice not), and wishes me luck. Hmmm. The party-hostess girlfriend said something about him that let me know he wouldn't want a pushy woman, heck, he'd probably get along well with me, lol, I never push. I decided not to use his personal e-mail. Besides, I have nothing to say right now, and I'm not comfortable asking him out, not yet. And I don't want to screw up BJ and I right now, if that'll work. Nah, maybe better to meet up at the same event sometime. My friend mentioned a big cruise dance party that their group is hosting, that I could come. Ahhh:) It's being held the night before M goes away for 3 (gulp THREE ack) whole weeks. I'm going to spend that time with HER. I'm also told that R's parent were never married. That's not as usual for our parents generation, and his hometown is a town where it's likely less likely, too. I wonder how they interacted with each other, how often he has been burned, or how scared he is to try again. I do believe going slow with him is best yeah like there's a choice there, lol. Tis okay. I don't think he'd wish to trek out 45 minutes to my town Saturday night, anyway, for the fireworks and concert, when he'll have fireworks in his town, and events, on Tuesday. Or, maybe he would, but I don't know how he'd feel with me asking him.
One woman in my single-mom's e-mail loop mentioned the t.v. show, How to Get a Guy, Monday night, yawn 10:00 p.m. I'd had no electricity at all Sunday, when I hoped to actually stop and sit down and watch a movie, eh, so I slept. But, I felt like watching something, so I made myself stay up that late. Four single women, none with children. All four are a bit different. It was actually done fairly positively -- everyone was respectful of each other, and each other's opinions and feelings, both between the two "coaches" and the women and their dates, etc. Apparently there were tips given in the first show, such as a 4-second idea (basically, if someone catches your eye, go ahead and look at him for a full 4 seconds, which will open up the opportunity for conversation, tho it apparently takes practice). No "you must wait 3 days before accepting a call" or whatever "the rules" are. Practical stuff, such as suggesting to the "party girl" that she is actually being more kind to drop the guys she's not so interested in (she was afraid of hurting feelings), and go ahead and focus on the one guy who she is becoming crazy about. Duh, but she needed that push I guess. It was actually fun to see her and her new beau, and another couple, who are both just so into each other, in the fun "wow" stage:) I was happy for them, even if previews look dim for the one.
It's an alright show, decent enough. I don't believe I'll seek it out again, in part b/c it's so late at night, and in part cuz, well, I don't really care if I "get" "a" guy. (I don't want "A" guy, and I don't want to "GET" a guy.) This show, however, still beats some of these books that are out, that some friends tell me about. Or people trying to say that an entire gender all thinks or does or feels like THIS. I suppose I dislike that in part b/c I never really fit the stereotype, and in part because I can't see how all men or all women do, either. We're each unique:)
I'm me, here I am. I can be very open, and compassionate, with the right guy:) I almost felt like saying to R, hey, it's okay, and I'm never really forward, I just really enjoyed our conversation the other night and I'd like to be able to spend more time hanging with you sometime. But,I'm actually rather introverted and shy IRL, and I don't know that he'd go for that, anyway.
Besides, if BJ would stop making me have to be so patient! :) BJ'll be totally worth it, I know.
Oh, and S called the other night rolling my eyes. Yeah, I'll be a friend, and have been even when he's been really really down, but I hope he doesn't seriously think I'd ever date him again.