Wednesday, June 14, 2006

C responded

C did write back this afternoon, as I was going to head to lunch but oh well.   (I just heated up something to eat.)   I spent time writing out my thoughts on it, delineating for myself my rebuttals on all he was saying.   His e-mail was full of mistruths, and false accusations, etc.   I am not sure yet if I'm going to respond back to him or not.   It might just aggravate the fight he's trying to have with me, or, if I respond to part of it, he might try to assume that since I didn't respond to other parts, that the other parts are true even if most of it was / is false.

I think, reading through it all between the lines, he's upset that he couldn't bully me for extra time.   (Um, no, but asking nicely could have worked, if not now, another time.)   He'd demanded at the time for "his" Court-Ordered agreement time, but in the e-mail said that he's sick of me adamantly against him having any extra time, etc. (ah, so he knew it was extra time).   So, I responded to his calls to me via what the Court Order states.  

He is still really upset that the intentions of the Court Order for her being with him for extended weekends in the summer, hits up against the intention of the Court Order to start week-long stretches and the first week-long stretch that she's with me (tho her time w/ him is still extended an overnight b/c of Father's Day).   Somehow he didn't catch that there is also the intention of the week thing, or that my pointing out that the intention later in the summer was for her to be with him for 2 weeks straight, but the wording has it be for 3 weeks.  He's fussing over 1 night, which could go either way even, when I could be fussing over 1 week, even taken it to court to have that straightened out.   He said that I'm going by my feelings (his emphasis) and I can't go by intentions when I want it to.  Huh?   I'm going by Court Order, having to accept it and move on even in areas I dislike or in areas I do like (I LIKE that she's w/ him Father's Day -- he'd not ONCE asked for it in previous years, while refusing her be with me on Mother's Day when I'd ask, and I feel she should be able to see him on Father's Day).

So much crap.   I'm leaving out most of it for the journaling purposes.   I did vent already in an e-mail for myself, delineating my would-be rebuttals (including that yes, I DID offer Sunday afternoon, and heck, even Christmas day or eve or sometime, repeatedly, b/c I knew it'd be the right thing for Megan, but he kept declining that).  

He only stated a weak attempt to stay saying he believes e/o Tuesday continues in the summer.   I really don't believe it does, even after carefully re-reading the Court Order, and I'm thinking he doesn't truly believe that, either.   If he did, he'd really demand it, court, cops, whatever it took for him to be in control and get what "he" is due.  

Anyway, it was certainly a misconstrued response of his, but, I believe C is (begrudingly) agreeing that the Court Order does state Thursday afternoon through Monday a.m.   So, that part is good.

Oh, he re-"threatened" mediation, too, to "not argue semantics for the next 6 years."   Hey, if there's a neutral party, then C won't be able to bully and berate me, yanno?   How is that a threat?   Also, my thought was that we've been trying to interpret this crazy Court Order -- if it's arguing semantics -- which I think would go back to our lawyers for interpretation or at least legal advice not mediation.  (The Father's Day weekend bit DID get discussed with our lawyers 1 or 2 years ago and it's already been ruled upon by our lawyers).   Whatever.   I think he doesn't wish to spend more money, either way.  

Not that mediation worked for us before.   The mediator said that C never once looked at me, and never once addressed me, so she doesn't see that lack of coordination boding well for us and she recommends us not bother to continue with mediation (but go on to court proceedings if we wished visitation resolved).   She also told me she'd hold him there for 5-10 minutes so that I could get to my car safely, unless I felt I should be escorted there, but I thought her holding him there would be sufficient.

So, yeah, my mood is "frustrated."   I don't know if he'll send his girlfriend (Sh) to come at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow or 3:30 p.m. tomorrow, and I really don't feel like asking him again about it.   The time is 3:30, but I'd offered 3:00 as he seemed to think it was 3:00.   I don't want him to think his stuff is true, he does seem to start to internalize things and start believing things if he states them to himselfoften enough, or appears to, anyway.   I'm actually a really nice person, a softie, sometimes a pushover (okay, so obviously he knows that but why not be nice back, then, not bully?).

The good thing, however, is that I am not having to worry and anticipate a fight come Monday a.m.   It's also good M's in a camp, b/c he never seems to have any problems returning her under my care if it's to school or camp, but sometimes, since he's moved 1/2 hour away last September, he has refused to drive her back to her/my place.   (He  drove her back previous to his moving.)   It's also good that she wasn't with me when he called either time, nor after -- she's thinking things are fine right now:)   And, that is good.   

1 comment:

  1. onecrabn3lilfishJune 14, 2006 at 5:46 PM

    Does M often know when there are problems between you and C?  

    Just stand behind your court order and have it enforced if you feel the need to.  At this point its not what you want or what he wants, its what the court order says.  You stick by it and so should he.  You accept it and he needs to stop being such a bully, grow up a little and realize he legally has to also accept what it says no matter what kind of bug has crawled up his tush.

    Amy

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