Sunday, June 18, 2006

trying not to follow anger/discord with the same

tired now, M must be asleep by now
I did call her again, even included a gentle note that it's been a few days so look forward to hearing from her, so if C or Sh hear it, they might go, oh crap, right, every 3 days minimum telephone contact..... but, nope. No call and it's, yawn, 10:45 now.
I was going to write C back tonight. I'm too tired now. I have thought of ideas of what to include. I do NOT want to be bitchy -- he keeps trying to argue, but that doesn't mean I have to. How do I stand up for M, and myself but her first, while being appropriate and nice and etc. Nice is an overused word. My sorority at UMd would say nice as if hissing, to remind us to use another descriptive word instead. Okay, basically, I don't want to argue. I wish to state a couple points w/out emotio
Clarify how he differentiates between "school and camp and other activity," then (the CO uses that wording), and no, I had zero idea that he'd refuse to have her driven back. I had worried some that he'd not allow her to return Monday a.m., but that's a different issue I thought was resolved, and apparently it is.
I'm so tired now. I guess I'll write C in the morning. I'm really trying hard to be peaceful yet stand firm when I deal with him. This so sucks that he's so angry and controlling. = the wording I want here:) lol

When I called Bob, we were running out of conversation, and I mentioned that of course, M was with C today, but now he's refusing to bring her back in the morning. "Oh, brother," Bob says. I didn't really say much more, but oh brother does sound about right.
Yeah, C is fussing at me yet AGAIN, last minute, too, cuz he knows that means I"ll have to come pick up Megan b/c, guess what, he's REFUSING now to bring her home tomorrow. He even e-mails, "we have plans, so your punctuality would be appreciated" or some shit like that. Huh? He sends that via e-mail TONIGHT, and I NORMALLY don't even go online on weekends once I've been once or twice. Only cuz I was doing some work at work, and I saw it pop up on that e-mail. His actions are so despicable.
But, yanno what, HE is the one putting himself at risk for a heart attack, if he doesn't get rid of all of this anger, or unhappiness he's going through, or something. While he walks all over me, ugh, but gosh. I actually wasn't even wishing him harm, but I wish he'd wake up and act like a normal adult for once in Megan's childhood.

That's how I worded it to my online single mom's group. I really was wondering some tonight about C having a heart attack. is he still upset and unhappy in his life b/c of his late step-grandfather dying in December? I know how hard that can be. Internalizing stress and anger won't help that, though. Lashing out at others.
C did not provide sufficient notice, but if I don't go up there, she'll miss the beginning of camp, be all upset and "hate her life" b/c of discord with C and I, and not want to attend late. I don't blame her. I also need to pick her up earlier than 8am if I am going to be suddenly inconvenienced 1.5 hours yawn, first thing. And get gas. Shaking my head. I will ask him to clarify for me why this is different, b/c I really did have NO idea he'd pull this.
No expectation of that. I suppose I should verify if he'll return her to school on appropriate mornings come fall, too. Maybe not. I'm so tired, but gosh. :)
I should sleep. Just doesn't leave me much a.m. time. Laundry might be ready for the next step, though:)
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shoo the evil anger out the door
pray no harm or evil enter
and not cutesy now, but dear Lord, please have me stay grounded and act in peace. I am not clear why argument he continues to try to pick with me. I don't know if he's lashing out, in pain from his grandfather's death, bad times at his home, or just continued anger he has staying eating at him against me. But, please, Lord, don't have me fall to that level, keep a hedge of thorns around us, please watch over M tonight. Thank you that I got myself organized and prepared for work tomorrow, and please, have me feel refreshed when I wake up tomorrow, but have me do so early enough to work things out for M. I don't want to fight, Lord. But, it doesn't help M to have me be walked over. Have me gentle and on HER side, as appropriate:)
like y'all wanted more ramblings, eh
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1 comment:

  1. onecrabn3lilfishJune 19, 2006 at 9:48 AM

    I wonder if he gets off on acting like an asshole all the time.  Things shouldn't be this difficult.  :-(  I hope things work out for Megan.  It's hard.  I think HE knows you won't make her go late to camp so he's playing it aganist you.