Friday night heavy rain
Daisy is on M's bed, one cat is looking out the window on the ledge M wanted so much for them, she paid half for it.
Many more e-mails with Brian since earlier. I had to remember, he's always had to be guessing with me, the one persuing, etc. He was gauging things, feeling me out first, checking how I'd react. And, checking my schedule, too. I was also thinking, wow, probably over 14 years ago........
I've actually cried twice about this, once last night, once tonight. How odd I'm thinking. But, perhaps not. The time in Maine, and then thinking of seeing Brian, both bring back so many memories, so much of my life that's meaningful to me. Dougie's gravestone, such brief time with Stephanie..... I've lost Dougie, I've lost my Gram/Grandma. Maybe, I'll regain again my good close friend, Brian:) Not have lost him.
All of the stress of Maine, gosh. The last night there, riding in the cab back to the hotel from the airport. I'd had to drop off the rental car and take a cab back, as my mother did NOT wish to deal with that in the a.m., tho it's literally 4-5 minutes from the hotel, AND, enroute to how we were driving home. She'd been mean a fair bit that day, and it just hurt. I'm so glad I had my paternal aunt (Beth) to chat with online almost daily:) Oh, her exciting news and immigration-law informative news, for my cousin/Beth's only child/son, is engaged to be married now to a woman who lives in Canada (and he in Washington State). But, my aunt is also close with me, my closest really, second being the one in Maine my mother had years worth of a falling out with (like that wasn't stressful oy).
Thee most peaceful moment that whole day for me was riding in that COMFORTABLE cab, btw, feeling like crying, light rain coming down, as he drove me those couple miles, a cool wet breeze coming through his window. My aunt says it sounds as if I found the positive in my day, and told me a buddhist?? saying that incorporates that idea.
All the emotions, the good, the bad. Touching on the basis of my life, and those memories and people close to me over the years, lost or still here. So I think, then thinking of seeing Brian, my good dear friend, who is "safe" for me in a way, I don't risk stress seeing him like risking my mother's stress if I had seen someone she was on the outs with (thankfully they made up, though). All the other emotions, coming in. M away for this long weekend and her not wanting to to be away the night before school starts or even the night she left, so stressed about going and not having completed all of her writing assignments but with good reason for that, which the teacher volunteered is okay if she couldn't complete them.
I think all of that, and home "alone" (with pets), just had me thinking of everyone. So, hey, I lost Dougie, and my Gram, oh dear Gram, and in some ways, I'm losing my father, but I won't lose Brian:)
Oh, I do love BJ, I do. But he hasn't known me 27 years, assuming Brian and I met our freshman year. BJ and I have never had all of what Brian and I have had, nor the chance to.
It's raining hard, the trees making wildly moving shadows on the wet window. Billy is outside, daggonit, we'll have to look one last time for him before bed. Wendy called me when I had pulled in from getting groceries, dropping off film. She'd seen Indie outside.
Should she go get him and put him inside? Well, w/ me home, I said I would, and thanks. Walking w/ Daisy dog, I saw a white cat, but found Captain cozy on the patio, unphased like oh, okay, yeah sure, I can go with you when I picked him up and cradled him for inside. Dinner time, a very wet Indie showed up, too, hmmm. Did he also get out, and then snuck back in and I didn't notice? 1,2,3,4, okay, plus Daisy, just missing Billy. He must be sleeping in one of the bedrooms.
I finish my dinner. Wendy rings the doorbell, holding, wow, Tinkerbell! Wendy says, "This isn't Indie!" I was surprised. "No, and she just ate dinner!" I guessed a window must have gotten open, and went to look. Duh, the patio door was. Two days ago, M and I had to open it, as the daggone overly sensitive fire/smoke detector went off while I made corn muffins for M. Sigh.
While I noticed that, Captain came BACK in from outside hmmm, and Indie, wet AGAIN, tried to get back out. Nope, boys, INSIDE. Better rain gear, I still got soaked while Daisy and I looked.
I like the rain. I do, though, hope he's okay. Naturally, he's M's favorite right now, but I don't wish him lost, anyway.
Brian and I got to talk more, via e-mails, and he gave me his cell #, too. Ah, okay, I understand more. He's happy to leave his "excuse, um, reunion" early for me, okay, so we'll possibly go out tomorrow night just late. I can take a long nap:) and do not need to figure out anything "reunion" like. I teased him that there may be good disco dancing, lol. (At my 25th, gosh, I guess the dj's think we want to hear all that crap again.)
I saw BJ online but we didn't get to chat. Likely he has his kids a lot this weekend. I still need to do laundry, and some paperwork for the condo fees legal crap. But, it'll get done. It's been too damn long, but I'll get to see my dear friend again:) Assuming I find Billy, oy.