Dating.........

It's been a somewhat interesting week in terms of my girlfriends and their dating lives.  

One has started a new phase with a guy she's seeing casually, worried if she slept with him too soon while trying to convince herself that it's okay to have a fun summer relationship; another is winding down with a guy she's been dating for a while, the first "real" one after her divorce and having trouble speaking to him what she's feeling; she's very traditional.    These two particular women would prefer that the ones boyfriend hadn't gone into such honesty, even if very tactfully and sensitively written.   I'd rather have the details and honesty, personally, as does another woman we both know, who claims she sometimes feels like a guy in a woman's body for some of how she deals with dating.   Give me honesty, respect me enough to do that, and I can then chose how to deal with it.

Oh, it's so daggone difficult for people rejoining the dating scene after something like a divorce, and the questions and emotions some women have, "do I do this, what does this mean," bleh I know I can't follow rules I don't even know "the rules," but the women who ask and worry are just trying for a positive relationship, the intentions are good even if I find some of it game-playing.   I won't play games.   

Dating can be more complicated with kids, and not just because of schedules and finding time to date / romance.   Heck, I love that BJ is involved with his kids lives, has half-custody and all, parenting is important and he and I both see it as a priority, but admittedly, it takes a lot of time to be involved with FOUR kids lives, plus we both work, so scheduling even a nice chat never mind a visit, it can get hard.   One woman is struggling over when to introduce her son to her boyfriend, her first boyfriend after the breakup with her only real ever boyfriend / love / father to her son.   I wish she'd write us again:)   I think she's the youngest in the e-mail loop.  (BJ's met M, but I've not been to his city.   Patience he asks -- visit soon, he asks, after his divorce is final.   Yeah, that'd be fun.   And, no rush on meeting his kids -- I'd love to, but I do NOT wish to push them.)

Then there's my girlfriend I went out with Wednesday night.   She can be a trip sometimes (and is a bit more "in your face" than I could ever be).   We went to The Cheesecake Factory after the Scythian concert at Strathmore.   She had some fancy kahlua drink that I bet was scrumptious.  I knew my blood sugar level was low enough, I shouldn't have alcohol, so I had a fruit smoothie (man, that was good, mango, pineapple, coconut okay, likely as many carbs as a Kahlua drink!, but healthier, lol), and an ahi tuna with (too little) avocado appetizer for the protein.   I so rarely splurge, and I'm getting hungry again now, so guess I felt I had to mention what it was:)    We talked of many things, including the latest on the cleanup of her flooded apartment, and men.   Her FWB (friend with benefits) of 18 years is engaged to be married in February.   Oh, he's asked her to be his girlfriend, but she's the one saying no, says she knows him too well to do that.   She's stayed sleeping with him through all of his girlfriends, but she stops with him when she's dating someone seriously.   Guess it's worked for them.  She has met the fiance, who should be moving in with him shortly.   My friend had had sex with him that morning and I forget how she happened to meet up with them later.   My girlfriend will stay sleeping with this guy until the actual wedding occurs, then she is cutting him off, but figures he'll eventually cheat with someone.   Ah, yeah, okay.   She has no problem telling anyone, even her own mother, that they are friends.   She just tells her female friends a bit more, and sometimes too much of a bit more information, but not like I'm going to even state on here her (or his) name, yanno.   She'll go to a party Saturday night thrown by this guy for his fiance, as this guy's long-term friend.  

This is the girlfriend of mine who knows R, and I'm told was really trying to get him to date her.   She's apparently good friends with him, including him on her "short-list" when she sends out e-mail items.   She wasn't invited to the party by our other girlfriend, where I met R.   It's finally long enough ago, I mentioned it, saying she must have been in Florida that weekend (she wasn't).   I wanted to spare her feelings so she wouldn't think she'd been not invited to our other friends party on purpose, and she believed me.   Okay, usually honesty is good but here it made no sense to hammer it in, right? :)  She tells me she once really had the hots for R (her words), and he wouldn't even go out with her.   That she's only known him to go out with one person the whole time she's know him; that it's HIM, a but stuck in a rut / in a routine, NOT me.   Well, she and I are rather different types in many ways; someone liking her probably wouldn't like me and vice versa.   I know he liked me, and he even said he was enjoying our conversation that night.    She sent me his personal e-mail he finally got, says she has his cell # if I ever want it (yeah like I'd go call him on his cell w/out advance notice not), and wishes me luck.   Hmmm.   The party-hostess girlfriend said something about him that let me know he wouldn't want a pushy woman, heck, he'd probably get along well with me, lol, I never push.   I decided not to use his personal e-mail.   Besides, I have nothing to say right now, and I'm not comfortable asking him out, not yet.   And I don't want to screw up BJ and I right now, if that'll work.   Nah, maybe better to meet up at the same event sometime.   My friend mentioned a big cruise dance party that their group is hosting, that I could come.   Ahhh:)   It's being held the night before M goes away for 3 (gulp THREE ack) whole weeks.   I'm going to spend that time with HER.    I'm also told that R's parent were never married.   That's not as usual for our parents generation, and his hometown is a town where it's likely less likely, too.   I wonder how they interacted with each other, how often he has been burned, or how scared he is to try again.   I do believe going slow with him is best yeah like there's a choice there, lol.   Tis okay.   I don't think he'd wish to trek out 45 minutes to my town Saturday night, anyway, for the fireworks and concert, when he'll have fireworks in his town, and events, on Tuesday.   Or, maybe he would, but I don't know how he'd feel with me asking him.

One woman in my single-mom's e-mail loop mentioned the t.v. show, How to Get a Guy, Monday night, yawn 10:00 p.m.   I'd had no electricity at all Sunday, when I hoped to actually stop and sit down and watch a movie, eh, so I slept.   But, I felt like watching something, so I made myself stay up that late.   Four single women, none with children.   All four are a bit different.   It was actually done fairly positively -- everyone was respectful of each other, and each other's opinions and feelings, both between the two "coaches" and the women and their dates, etc.   Apparently there were tips given in the first show, such as a 4-second idea (basically, if someone catches your eye, go ahead and look at him for a full 4 seconds, which will open up the opportunity for conversation, tho it apparently takes practice).   No "you must wait 3 days before accepting a call" or whatever "the rules" are.   Practical stuff, such as suggesting to the "party girl" that she is actually being more kind to drop the guys she's not so interested in (she was afraid of hurting feelings), and go ahead and focus on the one guy who she is becoming crazy about.   Duh, but she needed that push I guess.   It was actually fun to see her and her new beau, and another couple, who are both just so into each other, in the fun "wow" stage:)   I was happy for them, even if previews look dim for the one.  

It's an alright show, decent enough.   I don't believe I'll seek it out again, in part b/c it's so late at night, and in part cuz, well, I don't really care if I "get" "a" guy.   (I don't want "A" guy, and I don't want to "GET" a guy.)   This show, however, still beats some of these books that are out, that some friends tell me about.   Or people trying to say that an entire gender all thinks or does or feels like THIS.   I suppose I dislike that in part b/c I never really fit the stereotype, and in part because I can't see how all men or all women do, either.   We're each unique:)  

I'm me, here I am.   I can be very open, and compassionate, with the right guy:)    I almost felt like saying to R, hey, it's okay, and I'm never really forward, I just really enjoyed our conversation the other night and I'd like to be able to spend more time hanging with you sometime.    But,I'm actually rather introverted and shy IRL, and I don't know that he'd go for that, anyway.

Besides, if BJ would stop making me have to be so patient! :)    BJ'll be totally worth it, I know.  

Oh, and S called the other night rolling my eyes.   Yeah, I'll be a friend, and have been even when he's been really really down,  but I hope he doesn't seriously think I'd ever date him again.

 

Is That -- BLUE??!!

I walked out of Target last night and was taken back by the sky.   I don't typically glance too long at the sky, but I liked the colors of, wow, BLUE.   The sky is BLUE again!   A touch of grey, a touch of pink.   It rained enroute home, anyway:) lol but, it was the first time I've seen blue in the sky for days.   I'm not even sure if it rained today.  Otherwise, it has every day, at least once, just less so each day.   Start of a 4-day weekend for many, it seems:)  

The night of the concert, the wind was picking up as I drove home, chatting w/ my girlfriend on our cells, she already there saving me a seat.   Rain started in big wet blops on my window as I was parking and raced inside.   Daisy HAD to urinate, we both knew that.   She really didn't like it pouring AGAIN.   I was in a raincoat and had the umbrella, but I really had to hold it more over HER.   I was soaked right through to my skin.   Not until over an hour later, did I feel the weather and I were both ready to re-try an outdoor concert:)   It didn't rain a drop there, amazingly, and I caught most of their second act.   Two different sets of girls, who didn't know each other, did some ad-hoc dancing to a Donegal Reel (one hard-shoe routine, and the other a lovely 3-hand reel).   Mostly, kids danced to anything, and there was  Turkish and a song with a bizarre mix of styles, including disco, that WORKED, lol, and some hora-sounding music.   Eh, it was fun enough.   Sycthian was the band.   I even parked in kiss and ride, instead of paying for one of those stupidcards (smartcards) that metro tries to insist upon, yeah.

I'd left later from work than planned as, wow, M was allowed to call me.  (Sounds bizarre to have to put such a thing into a Court Order, but, it's good it is, or she'd likely not be allowed at ALL sigh.)   It was so good to talk with her:) and we got a lot more of her party plan ideas worked out, too.   Interestingly, C who said they'd go with their plans for this week, after all (being M's dance company camp was switched, tho her regular dance camp remains this week), doesn't have her in anything at all.   I guess it was mostly for scheduling the timing of Si's birthday party this past Sunday, so M could also be there for it (thoI'd have worked with them on that, but this apparently still worked).   M was hanging out at Si's gymnastics time, not clear if it was a set class or what.   Sometimes M's been able to do drop-in times there as well, but not Wednesday.    Si had Spanish camp last week -- starting time the same as M's field hockey camp had, so I'm guessing that Si's mom had balked last minute in taking M to HER camp and potentially not getting Si to HERs on time (tho couldn't C have helped drive?  M said her friend had stayed for part of the weekend and the plan was to drive both home on Monday a.m., but the friend went home Sunday instead, which I'm guessing was for Father's Day).   Si has dance camp this week.   C is working this week, so M is running errands with Sh in the mornings.   She IS at least able to read a book (Tales of Despereaux), but hasn't gotten the package from school yet for summer reading for next fall.   C refuses to let M be in any classes or camps b/c it takes time away from him, but he's working, and Si, his just turned 4-year old, is in camps and classes.   M sees this; I don't point it out to her.   M asked me if I'd called her, if I'd called "the house."   I told her that I had, that I'd e-mailed her on Monday (it got to late to also call oops), and that I had called her Tuesday evening a bit after 8 p.m.   She hadn't known, and hadn't listened to my message to her, even tho that is court ordered.   Sigh.   M told me that their phone there is screwy, it either rings really loudly or not at all, so they just keep it turned off.   I didn't tell M that I suspect it's only turned off when she's there, that I'm always screened and ignored, or for when Si is taking a nap (I hear she doesn't nap any more).  It's not the first time M has said this, though.   I sometimes just really don't "get" what C is doing or thinking. 

I DID get tickets for Annie ordered today:)   Md can't come to the beach next weekend (which, secretly, I'm not upset about as I don't know that the timing of THAT weekend is the best for M/I to go, and M may get invited to another party that weekend, too; I'm happy to include the girl just not sure about that weekend).    Md played the role of Annie in the school production that M played Miss Hannigan in.   M chose to see Annie instead of Riverdance, a hard choice for her but she's all into Annie right now, and said she'd also like to have her friends join her.   It ain't exactly a cheap event, even if it'd be probably more than twice the cost if seen in New York City.   M understood we can't bring everyone, and had thought of having it be a let's see who can and they each pay.  Tricky with also a party, though, this week.   BUT, as Md can't join us at the beach, when Md's mother asked what money Md should bring, I just said if she could bring enough to cover whatever she wishes to buy while there, that'd be fine.   This is M's birthday present from me (plus her party plus a necklace/bracelet set I got her a week or so ago, oh, and the movie Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants bought with a $10. blockbuster giftcard a Girl Scout mother gave me, and a cheaply-priced dvd of Anastasia M will love one and had once asked for in dvd as she/I watched it a TON in VHS and would sing and dance to it nightly for ages).

Everyone's asking, so, do you have plans for "the" fourth?  lol.  It's understandable, but, um, no.   Plans for Sunday night (last Annie show and thee only one that M's with me for), another night this week for M's party, Friday fireworks w/ Grandma/Bampbob, but not yet for Tuesday:)   It hasn't been as critical, actually.   My town is doing their fireworks this Saturday, so, sigh, we'll miss that.  But, the next town over has theirs on Tuesday, and there is always downtown (DC).  

I'm happy people are excited:)  I'm happy M will have a great time, a great week -- her favorite holiday.   We'll just add a touch of red and white to those blue skies, kay?!

The Rain is Gone!

Mood: Upbeat

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.  I can see all obstacles in my way!.......  however it goes:)  ..........  Gonna be a bright, bright, sunshiney day!   Of course, there's still the water to deal with......

Wow, what a busy day.   JP and I and our travel agency spent hours trying to get him to Oregon as scheduled last night, but alas, twas not to be.   One of the managers DID get out there, tho, and handled the conference, tho nixing the rest of the trip for now.   And other things.

Yesterday morning it stopped raining for a couple hours, also, and Daisy was eager for a long walk again finally.   Dark clouds in the horizon, I gave Daisy that long morning walk, not knowing when she could again without us both getting drenched.   And it did pour again, off and on.   The power was off yet again last night, about 7? hours worth.   It wasn't a heavy rain at that point, so many were outside.   One mother and 4-year old girl were "washing" the car, and I ran into another dog owner and her dog who we weren't familiar with.   She laughed, yes, her power was out, too, "so what else is there to do but walk the dog?"   

It started raining Sunday early a.m., POURING buckets after M left with her paternal grandfather and his wife and Sh's sister.......  (45 minutes late, but that was good, M wanted to take a shower and shave again lol).  

Lake Needwood, if I heard correctly, was 25 feet above normal, and authorities feared the damn would break.   My dad lives near there, but not on "that" side.  He didn't need to be evacuated pre-dawn this a.m.    A few thousand people did have to be.   Apparently about 90 people declined / refused, but most went.   I'm heartened to hear that there was a pet shelter set up as well:)   Thanks to the Montgomery County Fairgrounds, and the Humane Society (and anyone else) who made sure that emergency shelter for families (or singles) that include PETS was arranged for.

I'm sure my late grandma's home and neighborhood is very flooded -- Arlington / northern Virginia area got hit very hard.   Heck, even 495 / beltway had mud close it down one day, and our offices downtown, wow, in the 26 years I've worked for them, they've NEVER closed due to rain.   Wait, maybe that year we closed because a hurricane came through very much with us in its path...... I was inside with M just watching the rain beat the sliding glass door, pouding harder than I'd ever seen it do.....  but it's never closed because of thunderstorms.  

I still have not heard from M sigh.   There is telephone contact scheduled for today.   Of course, I've tried to contact her Monday (e-mail) and yesterday (calling her), but most likely she'll not even receive those.  Well, she'll get the e-mail when she returns home.   Very frustrating.......  I'm glad I have a cell phone, though, as she knows that #, and can try me without me feeling I must stay inside in our home just in case, waiting for her.   Besides, sometimes, the phone lines were out, too, these past days:)

I could run real errands today.   It really stormed hard Monday day right when it was "go to lunch or not get out at ALL" time, and I was quite hungry.   I did drive-thru:)   I still got soaked, but I had a good meal.   I love a good storm, actually.   BTW, Maryland holds the record for fastest rainfall, someplace in western Maryland:)   Or, they did.   It was still almost nice to see SUN today, at times.

Tonight is an outdoor concert.   Sunday night after the power went out, very heavy storms, M long gone on to C's (hope Si's birthday party was indoors!), I called a couple friends to chat.   My one girlfriend invited me to this concert tonight, if it wasn't still raining:)   We'll bring lawn chairs, which I normally never do, but, it'll be required tonight.   I'm excited, actually.  I was burned out, now I'm antsy.   It'll also likely be good -- Sycthian? I forget the spelling, but I *think* it's one of the bands from the Potomac Celtic Festival.  

In the e-mail invite that my girlfriend received, and forwarded to me, I saw R was also invited.   That'll be interesting if he shows.   I'd love to run into him again, get more time to chat with him, know each other more:)   I did e-mail him earlier as his hometown is in desperate threat of flooding, and he responded.   I know we get along well and like each other.  Maybe I'll never know why he didn't ask me out, or maybe him saying "see you at (his Catholic club)) events" was his way of trying to say he'd like to see me more.  I thought of that later.   OR, he doesn't like 5 cats.   Which is fair, we are all who we are.   Eh, if he's NOT there?   It'll still be fun:)   I even told my friend that if it ends up canceled or too wet, I'd still like to go out if she's up for it.  

 

Girl Power! :)

A fiasco getting M to the field hockey camp, but.

The young woman was so nice who was checking in M while I parked.   M signed herself in with just the part of her last name that is mine (D......), and not her full last name which is D........-L..........., with her dad being the L..........   Whatever she wants; I'd registered her as D..............-L............., on to the field with a lot of other girls from 7 years old through teenagers.   There are three camps held simultaneously, and broken into skill level as well as ages, but they are in different groups sometimes, too.   All young healthy athletic girls and the women coaches:)

M had a great time, but was HOT and redfaced.   Had refilled her water bottle and drank all of her lunchdrink as well.   I sent extra today, one with "electrolytes" in it:)   M had not worn shin guards before.   She was pulling them off, and declared "I am shaving my legs!"

I did a quick mental take, hmm, how old was I?   Apparently, it's time for M.   Her leg hair is very blonde, especially after having been in the sun, so she could get away w/ not shaving.   We stopped at Shopper's and CVS to look at their women's shaving products, while telling her that sometimes mens shaving products are better quality so don't discount the mens shaving creams.   I also got her more face cleanser pads and a moisturizer with sunscreen.   "Girl" bonding time.   After reading her new (summer) issue of American Girl magazine, a great one btw, and a bowl of deserved ice cream:) it was shaving lesson time, lol.   I didn't watch her, which is fine, and she ended up with no nicks or cuts!    I do think her having someone tell her a couple things about it and her having her own, beats her sneaking and borrowing mine and maybe not doing something so well.   And etc., but not for public.  I will add that she's grown approximately 4 inches taller in the past year.

M also told me of the various stations and what she learned at each one, her teams name, and how she overheard an older girl saying to her teammates to watch out, that they (M's team) is GOOD.  I hadn' t known of these specific terms before, but hey, that's why she's learning, partially.  (It's also for daycare, and so that she won't stay saying, hmm, I've always been interested in field hockey.  How, she'll have spent a week trying it.  I don't care if she never does it again, or if she does that's fine, too.  Like with lacrosse and the lacrosse clinic she took from this same group 2 years ago.  So, now she's tried it.)  They'll have a competition on Friday / end of camp.   She implied she'd like me to watch.

Last night was her first out of four total Figures Classes, for the basics before her dance school choses sets for Oireachtas in December.  (Need to find out when that is, ugh, an internet search didn't say.)   I mixed up the starting time, sigh, but M was okay with that, had only missed drills on 3's and 7's.   She knows that, not that no one can't improve and practice, but, she at least knows them well:)   Teaching some of the girls the 4-hand reel was a bit of a hoot at times.   I hadn't seen adults taught that in a while, either, and admittedly, the children got it quicker.   They also have to be very correct in it, dropping and raising their hands at just the right beat, or they get points taken away.   It's not nearly as pretty when my group does this:)  Nor do we jump so nicely when doing the square part of the dance.  LOL.

I "networked" with some of the parents.  Some I knew previously, but only two of them had really been all that nice before, a third one only at one event had she been nice.   Maybe b/c this isn't Company this time?  I don't know.   DD being in a company out of that studio now might help, too?   No one's been MEAN, some simply neutral, but still, there was a bit of a difference.   Maybe this was less stressful for them, too?

Anyway, I saw M dancing and laughing and having fun and practicing and goofying off.   She was still doing this for 1hr 45 minutes, as the class ran over 15 minutes, so M missing the first 25 min didn't matter so much.   M was happy, she feels as if she is getting to be friends, now with the 3-4 girls she was dancing with:)  I'm glad.   It'll really help her fit in more comfortably come fall, especially as she won't be doing the dance company class this summer.   (I was also glad, ultimately, that M had shaved under her arms.  Oh, it was so light I hadn't even noticed it, but this dance, well, the girls raise their arms high.   No worries now.)

No guys in this figures class.  Not sure if guys and girls have to be separate for official competition or not.

Daisy was sleeping near M this a.m.when I went to wake her up:)   I think Daisy missed her girl, her "mommy."  M fretted a bit as to what to wear, and we can't find her mesh bag from yesterday that had her waterbottle, lunchbag, and inhaler / mouth piece in it.   We know Daisy must have dragged it someplace, but it wasn't in Daisy's usual places:)    We got M's other black and white mouthpiece boiled/fitted, and M had put a large waterbottle in the freezer, another bag, she's fine.   Got to roll those shorts (rolling my eyes), so, hehe, I bought these larger so they don't ride up her backside quite so much even with rolling:)   They fit well NOW.   Black with the red symbol for her stepdance school, but not that t-shirt that V had made that matches.   A blank tank top.   Athletic with her wrapped ankle, cleats and shin guards, and the girls version of a top -- spaghetti straps and sparkles on the black.   LOL.   Got her dropped off and watched until she (and others) got down onto the field and joined the girls forming into a group for announcements.  

These are all fine young women -- who hopefully will feel confident in what they do, what they can become, and who they are now even.   Hopefully, they will stay growing healthily (one girl M danced w/ last night is a cancer survivor, yeah, you go girl), and have good images of themselves and their bodies.  This is all so crucial during these years of a girls life, those middle school years.  

trying not to follow anger/discord with the same

tired now, M must be asleep by now
I did call her again, even included a gentle note that it's been a few days so look forward to hearing from her, so if C or Sh hear it, they might go, oh crap, right, every 3 days minimum telephone contact..... but, nope. No call and it's, yawn, 10:45 now.
I was going to write C back tonight. I'm too tired now. I have thought of ideas of what to include. I do NOT want to be bitchy -- he keeps trying to argue, but that doesn't mean I have to. How do I stand up for M, and myself but her first, while being appropriate and nice and etc. Nice is an overused word. My sorority at UMd would say nice as if hissing, to remind us to use another descriptive word instead. Okay, basically, I don't want to argue. I wish to state a couple points w/out emotio
Clarify how he differentiates between "school and camp and other activity," then (the CO uses that wording), and no, I had zero idea that he'd refuse to have her driven back. I had worried some that he'd not allow her to return Monday a.m., but that's a different issue I thought was resolved, and apparently it is.
I'm so tired now. I guess I'll write C in the morning. I'm really trying hard to be peaceful yet stand firm when I deal with him. This so sucks that he's so angry and controlling. = the wording I want here:) lol

When I called Bob, we were running out of conversation, and I mentioned that of course, M was with C today, but now he's refusing to bring her back in the morning. "Oh, brother," Bob says. I didn't really say much more, but oh brother does sound about right.
Yeah, C is fussing at me yet AGAIN, last minute, too, cuz he knows that means I"ll have to come pick up Megan b/c, guess what, he's REFUSING now to bring her home tomorrow. He even e-mails, "we have plans, so your punctuality would be appreciated" or some shit like that. Huh? He sends that via e-mail TONIGHT, and I NORMALLY don't even go online on weekends once I've been once or twice. Only cuz I was doing some work at work, and I saw it pop up on that e-mail. His actions are so despicable.
But, yanno what, HE is the one putting himself at risk for a heart attack, if he doesn't get rid of all of this anger, or unhappiness he's going through, or something. While he walks all over me, ugh, but gosh. I actually wasn't even wishing him harm, but I wish he'd wake up and act like a normal adult for once in Megan's childhood.

That's how I worded it to my online single mom's group. I really was wondering some tonight about C having a heart attack. is he still upset and unhappy in his life b/c of his late step-grandfather dying in December? I know how hard that can be. Internalizing stress and anger won't help that, though. Lashing out at others.
C did not provide sufficient notice, but if I don't go up there, she'll miss the beginning of camp, be all upset and "hate her life" b/c of discord with C and I, and not want to attend late. I don't blame her. I also need to pick her up earlier than 8am if I am going to be suddenly inconvenienced 1.5 hours yawn, first thing. And get gas. Shaking my head. I will ask him to clarify for me why this is different, b/c I really did have NO idea he'd pull this.
No expectation of that. I suppose I should verify if he'll return her to school on appropriate mornings come fall, too. Maybe not. I'm so tired, but gosh. :)
I should sleep. Just doesn't leave me much a.m. time. Laundry might be ready for the next step, though:)
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shoo the evil anger out the door
pray no harm or evil enter
and not cutesy now, but dear Lord, please have me stay grounded and act in peace. I am not clear why argument he continues to try to pick with me. I don't know if he's lashing out, in pain from his grandfather's death, bad times at his home, or just continued anger he has staying eating at him against me. But, please, Lord, don't have me fall to that level, keep a hedge of thorns around us, please watch over M tonight. Thank you that I got myself organized and prepared for work tomorrow, and please, have me feel refreshed when I wake up tomorrow, but have me do so early enough to work things out for M. I don't want to fight, Lord. But, it doesn't help M to have me be walked over. Have me gentle and on HER side, as appropriate:)
like y'all wanted more ramblings, eh
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Why am I surprised.......

Mood is frustrated /fed up.    C writes me tonight, 7:16pm (even tho I said if he had any problems, please call me on my cell, mostly cuz I didn't anticipate any problems, but figured I might go into work early, I sure didn't think I'd still be online but working, too, so happen to be online).   I only happened to see his e-mail.  

I'd sent him final information on M's field hockey camp for next next week earlier in the day, and included a nice, honestly-intended, Happy Father's Day message.  

  "Plaintiff shall be entitled to have M.... with him on Father's Day from 9:00 a.m. to the beginning of school or camp or other activity the following Monday......"   He has ALWAYS brought her back to school or camp before.   I told him the time of her camp last Tuesday, with written e-mail to him on Wednesday (that he responded to so nastily, and mostly with false statements, but in a way that I KNOW he received it).   

He writes me tonight that he refuses to go into battle over this and will not be bringing her to camp Monday a.m., but he will have her ready at 8:00 a.m.   That he knows where I am going with this.   Huh?   I had 98% assumption he'd be returning her, and to the camp.  I wasn't trying to go anywhere with it, but give him final information.   I'd sent all her stuff and everything for it, heck, I could have borrowed a stick for her if I knew I had extra time to get her one.   Check in is at 8:30 a.m., as told him starting last Tuesday.  (We have to give 48 hours notice of change in time of pickup / return unless emergency, etc., and no time is written in the court agreement, so I wanted him to be sure to have the time once I received it.)   In rush hour traffic, now that HE moved away from the town we've lived in for 30+ years, it's an hour from his place back south to my place / where the camp is, so 8:00 a.m. isn't even early enough.   He and his g/f get free gas, THEY moved, not me, and, previous to his move last fall, he ALWAYS brought her back, for 11 years, from his visitation.     He still does now if it's to school (or, presumably, to camp, but, um, guess he's still ticked at me b/c he doesn't like the Court Order, which I cannot help at this point.)

I don't get why he's pulling this bs, and last minute.  Well, okay, he's trying last minute again in hopes I won't see it until tomorrow morning for one thing, most likely, and another, being last minute and over a weekend, he KNOWS that I will do what is needed to not screw up M and her plans, so he knows I'll end up driving up there as, really, he's forcing that issue even tho he should return her.  

The wording in the CO is not clear, tho twice it mentions "return of the child" and only once mentions anything implying pickup of the child could ever include me picking her up from him.   We left transportation out of the CO as it wasn't an issue; I should have listened to my lawyer and put it in, anyway.  Sigh, I don't know.  

But, it's frustrating for him to pull this last minute like this.  I'm really glad I came in to work today and got some things done so I'll be ready tomorrow.  Oh, I spent some personal time, but I figured out, it was over 3 hours of actual WORK time, too, and I'd hoped to get in early tomorrow as I;ll be picking up M from camp at 1pm.   Which isn't even the issue.   That he's waiting until last minute, instead of 48 hours notice, that he's deciding he's not returning her after HE moved, and we had every expectation that he'd be returning her, I don't get this.   His actions are truly despicable.   And, I have to call her there tonight, apparently, as he's not let her call me yet, but legally, she and I are due a telephone conversation NLT today/3rd day into vacation.  

It's not fair.   I have sole physical custody of M, and we share joint legal custody of M with me deciding vote.   Yet, gee, guess who still runs the show if he feels like it, when he can get away with it.   It's about HER, not him, not me.   If he'll let me talk w/ her tonight, I can at least asage her worries and let her know I'll be there for her:) she will get to camp.

If anyone has advice for longer-term dealings with him on this, please do advise:)   Polite would be good, too, even if you disagree with me or how I'm handling something, at least have your criticism be polite.   Thanks.

 

when I'm 64

Well, Happy Birthday to Paul McCartney:)  I know many are making a fuss that here he is turning 64, and is divorcing.   I say, well, that's sad, but he is alive, he (and she) still have those around him who care about him and love him.   Two of the former Beatles are dead.

My father is quite past 64 years old (hmm, 1933 from 2006 is 73 so yes, that's older).   I'd LOVE it if my dad could return to that level of vitality, from when he was 64.   Heck, if he became like Paul McCartney, wow, that together and clear-headed, I'd be THRILLED:)   Instead, I cried today.   I went to the grocery store alone, without him.   Not as if I can't go to the store, any store, without him.   It's more that I wonder what that signals, if anything.

It's now 97-98 F degrees outside.   I forgot to reset Dad's air conditioner to warmer, but it wasn't TOO cold in his home from when I'd set it previously.   He was wearing a (dirty) sweater, and dark pants that hid any stains/dirt, but that were unzipped.   Mind, this is a man who always cared about his appearance.  Not overly so, but would be appalled to not have his clothes clean and decent, and his pants not zipped.   He tried to zip up his pants and couldn't do it.   I went the route that they didn't work, not that he couldn't do it (he usually can and likely will be able to later just got flustered then I think).   I wasn't going to zip them up, nor would he consider asking me.   I suggested he just switch pants to maybe even the shorts I'd just brought him for Father's Day.   No, sigh, he'll just wear his long jacket.   At least it was his clean one, I think.   But, um, no, it's in the 90's.   He didn't wish to take off his sweater even.   We tried to fix the "braces' for his pants (huh? oh, braces = suspenders, gotcha Dad).   One of his arms wasn't underneath that strap, so we had to take off the sweater to fix that, and I happened to be sure he took it the rest of the way off (tho forgot to take it home with me to wash).   Uh-oh.   The t-shirt was stained.   The new one, sigh, for his birthday.   He put it on 2 weeks ago and I did visit last week, but he must have put it back on.   Where are your new clothes, Dad?   Why do I have to change everything, why can't I wear these?   Fine, forget the t-shirt, but the pants still were unzipped even if held up now.   He didn't seem to comprehend, being he'd just tried to zip them and fixed the braces, weren't they okay now, he didn't get that they were still unzipped.   Dad, if these pants won't zip up, then you need to get a different pair on.   Where are the clothes I bought you?  Upstairs, okay, let me get them.   They were strew from the bag on the stairway.  I'm sure he remembered trying to carry them upstairs.   I refolded them and put them on a downstairs chair near the stairs, grabbing a new t-shirt and 3 pairs of pants to chose from.   He'd had time to think, balancing himself there against the wall in the hallway towards the backdoor.   He just wanted to go.   Dad, the police won't like you going out with your pants unzipped, and we don't want the police bothering you.   It was too much for him.   He decided to just stay home instead.  

So he sat on the only somewhat vacant spot in the living room, on his couch, and we talked about what we wanted me to get him at the store.   I finally wrote them down, including stamps as we never remember stamps, either of us, which means me having to remember to mail his thing.  Let's get stamps, "Oh, yeah, I've been wanting stamps."   Fine.   So, I go into the store by myself this time, the "walk for Alzheimer's" table near the entrance.   They didn't ask me if I'd donate, and, emotionally,  I had to just walk on by.   They were there 2 weeks ago, too, and as I walked out w/ my dad and his broomstick as his walking stick is too short, I almost dared them to ask me to donate.   And I support their cause even.  

Okay, so, shopping for my dad now, what does he like?   I know.  I've known him my whole life.   Plus I have a list.   This would have been so good for him mentally.   I'm glad I still had him think up a list, at least do that mental exercise.   And some things for M, including yogurt that does not have gelatin in it, as geletin is made from horse hooves.   A salad bar salad for my dad, and one for me, I figured we'd at least eat that together.   They were out of pistachio ice cream, but I know his ice cream loves, and he is counting on ice cream more than that flavor, so I got him butter pecan.   And lightbulbs, and I forgot to get stamps ringing up his order, and forget them ringing up mine.  LOL.   The guy behind me had just 2 items, but let me get the stamps as my third transaction.   Bless him:)    This guy, Gregg, rings up my dad and I every week, and is also a manager I think, or should be.   He and Jim, mostly Jim, are my main points of contact at that store.   Gregg seemed to remember I had two orders, but didn't ask where my dad was.   I'm rather glad he didn't.   Or, maybe I'd just say, oh, he wasn't doing so well today.  Jim would ask, but Jim and I go way back, from before Megan was born even.   I might have cried even, but, I could tell Jim.   He talks w/ my dad often, remembers my dad being healthy in mind and spirit.   Jim will talk about books now, as his degree is in something literature-related, and my dad loves to read.   He gave me his # once in case I needed help with my dad for anything.  He was at one point going to stop by occasionally to see my dad, but then hesitated.  I understand.  We talked about it, too.  Once, I had to get Jim to help me get my dad to buy a new razor/shaver (Dad had been shaving awkwardly, hit and miss on his face so some shaven spots and some not).  

I took back to my dad's house the book he's been saving for Jim.  Jim hasn't worked Sundays it seems for a couple months now, but, I took it with me there just incase, like my dad has been doing weekly when we go together.  

My dad was sitting on the couch w/ a blanket over his lap when I arrived back there, with those pants still on but apparently embarrassed now that his pants won't zip.  Oh, and he had lightbulbs, just scattered about the kitchen.   Next visit, I'll see about getting some new bulbs put in.   He didn't ask, and I forgot, but I think that's the issue more than that he didn't have any.  Oh, well, they were on sale.

I didn't even tell my dad about yesterday tho I guess I could have.  I think he'd have liked that.   I didn't stay to eat with him, as I had no place to sit.  I did pick up some of his plastic grocery bags, but not the trash.   We've discussed that he feels capable of putting his trash into bags, and then I can carry them to the curb for him on trash days (but, it hasn't been picked up still).    He asked me to bring him his cheese and his bread and his checkbook (he paid me back for most of the groceries; I didn't give him the full price as, well, it's Fathers Day, I wish I could have afforded to have paid for it all).   It ticked me off a bit that he didn't get the things himself from the kitchen, but whatever.  It's Father's Day.   I do not mind helping him out, it's when I'm enabling him that bothers me, as that has been an issue in the past.   I'm realizing more and more, though, that he's becoming increasingly incapable (hence our conversation last time about the trash).   That's worrisome.  (And, yes, he's been sober, even cigarette-free.)

No more hikes on the C&O Canal, even on beautiful days.   I don't even know if I should stay bothering to think about taking him to a restaurant.  His hair looks fine now that he let me get him a haircut, and his beard is growing but at this point still looks fine.  But, he'd need to look presentable, too.   Heck, I really should get him in for a physical even.

Two things he advised me of growing up that have mattered -- the length of time / # of years one can be late in filing a tax return before the IRS will not send a refund / one becomes ineligible, and, that some people cannot see the beauty in a tree, specifically in the silhouette of a tree.   Yes, I do agree:)   Ah, yes, and a third one -- carry alcohol in a vehicle only in the locked trunk so that if there is an accident of any kind, I couldn't be accused of having been drinking.   Not like I need that often, but hey.  

I miss my dad, who he really is.

It's Summer! / Grada plug

Sunday morning it sure looks fine:)
Hopefully QUICK update on things so far. Grada and birds twittering.
It'll be another hot one today. It's "cool" now, 68 degrees, already with the sun feeling as if it's hot just the air is "cool." It hit 93 or so yesterday, and believe me, it's MUCH hotter in the dressing"room" tents, horrid in those (to be in the high 90's today).
Grada is my pick for thee band of the Potomac Celtic Festival. Wow. Admittedly, I only heard bits of Iona, which I have always liked, and missed others completely. Iona is a good band. Prodigals and Scythian were the NightFest bands. One leaves the festival, and returns (paying separate ticket price $15.), to hear them. It's nice that people coming for the day don't have to pay to help subsidize the night show, and vice versa. (Heck, dogs are allowed, too, but I left Daisy home due to me not be not being able to keep a good watch on her while I was performing, etc.) It also got super hot, so I'm extra glad now that I didn't take her.
I could hear some of the NightFest music, about 1/2 hours worth, while I talked in the "parking lot" (grass). They sounded fun and good. I'm not sure which of the bands it was, Prodigals or "special guest" Scythian who sounded as if they'd be the opening band.
Coyote Run was very good. It's a musical style that's not my favorite, but certainly a quality band that really got into the live, performing aspect.
Grada, to quote the PCFest program guide, "came together three years ago, producing their own mix of music encompassing Irish, breton, Eastern European, and other diverse styles. The band compliments their instrumental virtuosity with an elegant, timeless vocal style and is recognized as one of the forerunners in contemporary traditional music."
Their website is http://www.gradamusic.com

I have not gone on there. I don't know if music samples are available or not.

(Ha, Tink is on top of the computer monitor, peeking over not much larger than the beanie-baby dog also on there. SO cute.)
The vocals Anne Marie O'Malley have are hauntingly beautiful, IMHO. Update:   Seems Ann Marie was on the CD's, but the woman at the show is a different singer, also VERY good and enjoyable.  Her name is listed below.   The is music fresh, as well as with a traditional sound, somehow. They are all very nice as well:) and young enough to appeal to those of us not old folk, too. They stayed for quite a while to sign CD's and take photos; some bands don't stay that long. This was a nice touch for personalizing their audience support. Yes, I ended up buying two cd's of theirs, and did not get bored listening to the one enroute home. That is a good sign.

Grada has a new cd coming out they hope by the end of the year. It should include a trio of songs I'm calling "The Three Marias," but that's not the real name. They were reels that a group of stepdancers came up and danced to. I forget the song that Grada ended their set with, but it was beautiful and rousing, somehow both.
Grada was to perform at PCFest last year, but only one of them had their VISA approved in time. One fan told them that it was worth the year wait.

The Irish stepdancers who came up are from the Blue Ridge Irish Music School (BRIMS). Their website is http://www.brimstunes.org Most of the local Irish stepdancers are on schedule at the PCFest today/Father's Day, as their was the Maple Feis yesterday (Saturday). M was invited to dance today with her group, but it was when the local Company was maybe maybe/ maybe not disbanding and things were uncertain. M decided not to ask C about it, and skip it this year. It's her choice. When she wants to, I hope she will feel comfortable asking him about it (a couple times, she has). It'll be the first year for her dance school at this festival, so that is exciting:)  (In retrospect, as it's 97 F outside yikes, I'm glad M's not sweating in her costume.)

These girls Saturday would dance some steps on the grass outside of the tent, look over at the band, giggle, talk, play around, dance some more. It appeared to be just fun. Oh, and it was funny to see them spoof Scottish stepdancing. M had done the same thing after seeing the Scottish stepdancing competitions at Southern Maryland Celtic Festival. The beginning / early steps for Scottish stepdancing seem a bit simplistic for those familiar with Irish stepdancing, I do admit:) Even if I love the the look of one of the steps for the more advanced Scottish stepdancers. I digress.

Grada had played earlier in the day as well, but I only caught their last song. A man I'd seen earlier in the "participants snack tent" had been there (also w/ a wristband given to performers). This time, a couple of the dancers sometimes sat near me, up and down,
It didn't take too long to figure out that he was connected with this group of girls. (Heck, he was the only "interesting" guy I'd noticed all day, even if he wore jeans and not a kilt, and no wedding band but, shrug, who knows.  We chatted, yes, but briefly, and no flirting.  He was focused on the girls, appropriately.)  We talked briefly, and he mentioned where the girls dance. They'd seen Grada perform down near them in Charlottesville, and Grada had invited them to come dance if they wanted up this way. Apparently, the girls just love these guys (the band), and likely enjoy the music and vocals of of the woman as well. Opps, the program guide lists Nicola Joyce as the vocalist/bodhran player. Perhaps she's replaced Anne Marie O'Malley, who was on the cd I listened to.

The girls themselves danced to the 3-song "Maria" set of reels, doing the typical bit of going out in a line, but with some choreography to it, then each one stepping out for a solo. A few were very good. A bit nervous, smiling. The band sounding fantastic. The mans daughter didn't go up. I parent how he does -- if she hasn't committed to it and others counting on her (a dance not doable w/out her) -- if the girls deides not to do it, don't push her/force her.

In the parking grassy area later I saw that man carrying a case that could have held a fiddle or guitar. Wondering now if he's a musician also. He seemed proud of all the girls there, as did another (female) parent there with them, so perhaps he is one of their teachers also. Whatever. It wasa win-win, and the crowds Saturday got to watch some Irish stepdancing after all, along with fantastic music.

SO was there, which was to be expected really. My group danced earlier on. He and his youngest daughter, F, were there. I think her birthday is soon, too, typically around the time of this festival. They were part of the crowd watching us. The dance stage was much closer to the "crowd" this year, too. Later, a specialized adult dance group went on, that SO is part of and others I know and respect as reall good dancers. They typically do Irish stepdancing and fancier set dances, with a lot of battering. SO's prizewinner Irish stepdancing daughter, F, did two solos (reels andslip jig). It is always nice to watch her dance:) I was too overheated so had to leave for the snack tent, but waited until I watched her. Apparently she didn't go to the feis Saturday. Her dance school also performs today, but I don't know if she'll be in it or not.  (Unfortunately, T's show broke on the stage ugh, and in another group he's also in later in the day, he fell b/c of the broken/split shoe.) 

My dance group did well enough. H did not show, until hours later in the day (she does have cognitive disabilities we're pretty certain along with some social attitude), but it was likely a good thing. So, I danced w/ someone else for the 4-hand reel. Unfortunately, I'd just danced a few in a row, and the one right previous was Lancers. It went real well:) fast and quick and slight scramble for the line up (oops) but otherwise well. Second time I've had that partner for this one in a performance, and everyone in that one dances well, so I'm pleased to be part of it. Coming off of that, the fast condensed version, into the rrreeeaaaallllyyyyy slow, comparatively, 4-hand reel, and me getting overheated, my brain went blank.  It was as if I was in a slow-motion trance, my mind both trying to say okay what do I do next while still spinning the speed of the Lancers / Matt Cunningham set speed.   My body could use the slower speed and I hope I danced on beat, lol, I do typically, but.    I didn't do the 4-hand reel nearly as well as I do know it, tho it worked fine except for one section where my partner didn't know it, either.  And, us in front oy.  Sometimes, I was nudging him as to what the next step was, so I guess I remembered it well enough most of the time.  SO later told me I did well, and I laughed, saying, "Except I blanked after Lancers." "It's a tradition!" Yeah, guess so, lol. 
I did get to tell N that he's a good dancer; he IS especially for only 1 year into it. His friends there took our group shot. We probably should take those BEFORE we get on, so we're not dripping sweat from our bangs, lol, but oh well:) (His one friend had on a utilikilt. I missed the highland games, though, concurrent w/ our dancing.) Oh, and Sweets of May. I do dislike that dance and the music to it. Yet, I've been put into it EVERY single performance I think we've ever done. Once I didn't mind so much, as we danced at the National Theatre in D.C., and M was there as well. The set was made up of mothers and daughters. That was kind-of cool. It's really supposed to be a courting dance, IIRC, but we tend to do it as all females. I will ask in advance to be taken out of it next time. Another woman likes that dance, and can fill in readily for me.
Forgot to add, the Blue Ridge Irish Music School dancers also danced the 6-hand fairy reel to the finale song that Grada played. They'd been dancing it for fun in the grass, when a guy got them to go back in front of the stage. Others came up to dance for the fun of it. This guy seemed to be a Scottish Dancer, the way he tried to get people to dance back and forth with those hops that they do. A lot of great vendors, plus living history camps. That's a really great touch to include them.
In the parking "lot," I met a guy who is a standup comic in Baltimore. I'd have been happy to have talked much briefer of a conversation, but he did make me laugh and oh well. I have his # should I ever be in Baltimore and wish to look him up.  He wasn't pushy and was nice, just it went so long.  

The Potomac had a beginning pink sheen to it when I rode the ferry (White's Ferry) back to Maryland and home, listening to Grada in the cd player. I'm hopeful that M will enjoy them. I think it's her style. I do know that she loved Teada, whom I also like a lot. The two favorite bands I've "discovered" from this festival are Teada a few years back, and now Grada.   They do not have the same sound; Teada might be a bit more traditional but with their own awesome sound to it.   Grada, well, I'm still soaking them in, in a sense.   They also "make it their own" but some bands w/out much talent don't do well at that, yanno?   A touch of Enya style perhaps?   Eh, a rough comparison, but basically, a bit more likeable for those not in love with Celtic style, while certainly having plenty of traditional sound to be appealling, too.  If that makes any sense at all.

I did call M, on her cell and at her dad's home, and left messages. M isn't given them, but, I call, anyway. Via Court Order, she and Imust be allowed telephone contact today, it's the 3rd day of her vacation time with him. We shall see. I do hope her Father's Day there goes well. It's HOT, so, hopefully some water time in there! I'll call Bob, and visit my dad. After church which I must run off to now.

BJ and I IM'd for a short bit last night. I wished him a happy Father's Day, and asked what he had planned. SLEEP. Huh? Don't you have your kids? He's an involved father, which often makes his schedule that much tighter ugh, but I like that he's involved. Yep, he does, for a week, but he'd just gotten back from Paris! Wow, Paris. No wonder his cell phone wasn't readily available. It was a last minute work trip I'm glad he got to go on.  He and I were both rather wiped out.  I told him I'd massage his back, and he could rub my feet, virtually :)

To all Father's everywhere, and to those who fill that role, male or female, have a great day:)

I did hear word that Tommy Sands (and his two grown children) were a not to have been missed show yesterday. I didn't catch him/them. Maybe next time:)
writing stuff to be sure all I've written makes it and doesn't get cut off like last time
I wore my Douglas kilt (when not performing as then I wear the "performing outfit.") The theme this year was Ireland. The PCFest choses a different area of Celtic regions to focus on each year. One year was Galilacea (sp). Those dancers were fantastic and intriguing, combining flamenco (sp) with Irish/Scottish stepdancing styles, wow wow wow. I saw them twice even.
okay, are we done yet? 1 2 3 4

I just checked the Grada website.   Nicola is the current vocalist, pretty and nice, and wow, what vocals!  :)   Also, they're just finishing up some touring in the U.S., including Maine!!!, but, not Charlottesville.  I don't know, then, when (or where) this guy and his stepdancer girls saw them; I must have misheard him.

Trying Photos again.....

Yeah!  This time I could see the "add pictures" icon.   The first one is M's last fieldtrip together with the other 6th graders from her school, with The Castle from the Smitsonian in the background.  One boy didn't make the trip.

The second photo is of Tinker(bell) and Captain, sister and brother.   The photo image doesn't do them justice --they are really beautiful IRL.   She is only 4 pounds! but that's her healthy weight size, and he was 10.5 pounds at last visit.   He is ready to be picked up from the vet, got castrated today :( but hey, I had have it done.  He got sick enroute there again, too, after being so loving and trusting this a.m.    Ah, well!

I won't put a photo of just my daughter up for public display, but if anyone I've talked with/ I know wishes to see a recent one, please just e-mail me or leave a comment:)

 

Potomac Celtic Festival

Just an fyi -- anyone in the great D.C. area who wishes to stop in -- please check out the Potomac Celtic Festival in Leesburg this weekend.

http://www.pcfest.org

And, if you are going, let me know!  Should be great weather, good stuff.

Gotta love those guys in kilts:)   Well, some of them. 

Some people work out (for exercise)........

Some People Work Out....
Me? I go dancing:) It's not a splurge, right, it's my exercise!
Not exactly the same thing, but it gets me doing something. There are pros and cons to both, and joining a health club just isn't likely anytime soon. Not as fun, and, well, not the money.
My other dance group had a mini-ceili tonight. M's away at her dads, so figured I'd go. Their summer classes have started, but every 3rd Thursday of themonth, they hold a mini-ceili. I figured it out -- not sure when they started for summer -- but starting tonight until their last summer class is 10 weeks.  I can make 6 of the 10, meaning, M is away for wow, egads I don't like to think of it this way, 6 of the next 10 weeks. Okay, so THIS one, it's an additional night away, not all week. The others, though, she's away a whole week. Shaking that thought. It's still hard on us.

C didn't spend nearly as much time w/ M until after she was 9 he didn't ASK for more time, btw. It was the summer M turned 7 when he first asked for a week of her summer vacation, sure, let's work that out, great.  He sent her to his mother's for that whole week, and I'd have agreed to that, too, b/c well, that'd be his choice, but why didn't he also go, yanno? Just 1 week? When she was 8, he asked for 2 weeks, the first one when her little half-sister was being born. Her last week of school that year, and she's spending her first week ever with him.  Oh, she was stressed, but I visited her every day at lunchtime at school and surprisingly she didn't even tell others at school that she'd just had a sister born.  (I did let her get her ears pierced so she also had something to tell about herself when people oogled over her half-sister.)  
Anyway, so M's 9th birthday, at her party he declined to show for, btw, he had me served with custody papers (I maintain sole physical custody even after that), and he now has a lot of time he hardly knows what all to do with. It's to be so that it's 2 weeks straight with him later this summer, plus a couple 1 weeks, but anyone actually reading this journal knows it's screwed up, so other than the first year, 2 years ago, it's often going to be 3 weeks. It was so hard on her last year. I stayed encouraging her, etc., and she'd actually go sneak and call me manynights. When she stopped, I figured she ws getting more comfortable there, even if I had grown to like ournightly 1/2 hour talks:)
I'd gotten her a cell phone, too, but he would take it from her (and not even tell her he'd done that, so she'd be really worried). Last summer, they still lived local so no long-distance charges on the phone. hmmm. If she sneaks this year, I think it'll be to her cell phone, hidden in their garage (oy), like she did a couple weeks ago. I'm not encouraging her to sneak. But, she should feel free to call either of us whenever.

Anyway, I went tonight to the mini-ceili. My old boyfriend, SO, was NOT there, and I was glad not to see what I'm thinking is his van. Then I tried to analyze if that meant I was over him to be glad not to see him, or if that meant there was still some disconcertation (sp) going on in my head. Bleah. We got along just fine at the feis, and we can. Guess it's just easier if he and his girlfriend, (his former good friends STBXwife, formerly friends of SO's and mine) are not there. Whatever. It was fine enough live Irish music, some socializing, some fun enough dancing. Saturday should be good, too, at the Festival.
I kind of miss M right now, though. Even keeping myself busy. Daisy got walked a LOT today, lol, and M figured out it's Daisy's birthday! Or, at least, when we decide to celebrate.  (Daisy was in the shelter for a month, and they guessed her age.)   M also "groomed" Daisy, and wanted to give her a bath but that didn't fit in. It was nice to not have anything set planned. M's been off school since last Friday afternoon, and it was only the second day (sat. and today) that she didn't have to do anything during the day. (Sat. night was her g/f's dance recital, Sun Sunday, church and Si's dance recital. Monday, grandma's / Bob's, and his birthday, Tuesday, her twin-friends pool party, Wed., over Md.'s house.)  M wanted to be woken up by 9/9:30 as she was leaving later today, wanted to spend more time at home awake, ahh.
We found her cleats last night (wow, they can get expensive, but these were name brand and NOT so expensive, phew), and shin guards, no stick. Today, we re-looked and found a stick she likes:) and field hockey shin guards (so will return the others which are not as applicable). Other looking around, including at Borders and lunch at Panera:) I like how they have a lot of soup options each day that are affordable ($2.99 for soup and a piece of good bread), but mostly, I like that there are several vegetarian options any day.
M still couldn't find a card she liked, but we DID finally find a Father's Day gift she could give her dad. No, he never takes her to get me one (for Mother's Day), and likely never will. But, M wants to have one for him for Father's day, so, for her sake, I do this. I admit, I encouraged the waterproof first aid kit as it's $5. cheaper:) but, also more realistic as he used to boat and fish sometimes. Maybe she thinks we're all getting along better now..... ?  I was really, really tempted to pick up a mini-18 inch field hockey stick for Si, too, but kept telling myself I do not need to spend the extra money..... and didn't.   (Two years ago when M tried a lacrosse clinic, she was in a store with Sh and Si, as C works during the day and so Sh watches M, and Si at 2 years old was bought a lacrosse stick, not even a mini-one as they weren't available, as M had one.  Sheesz.  But, when M asked if she could get some lacrosse balls, she was told no.   I do not comprehend them sometimes.)

"I'm not a library book." That could be an entry on its own. M asked me at least 4 times if I was certain C would bring her to field hockey camp Monday a.m. Oy. So, we talked about it, w/ me stating nothing about us arguing (I do not wish to bring stress on her if she doesn't need to know something). In what I said, I included that I know C knows that M is due back on Monday a.m. by the start of camp/school. "Due back? That sounds like I"m a library book." So we talked about THAT and various optoins on how to word what I meant. She actually chose "is expected home on/by Monday a.m." She does feel this is "home" but that is also a home to her as is my mother's. She did tell me last week that she plans to save up money to buy a place, so I'd better plan to have her living here a LONG time. lol Presumably after college, which she sometimes says will be way far away. :)

We'd looked for Father's Day gifts last weekend, too, when found her some summer shoes (FINALLY, we've looked), and a "World's Greatest Grandpa" shirt for my stepfather (Bob), and birthday cards, etc. I got my father a pair of shorts. I had gotten him some new clothes for his birthday (near Mother's Day), but he hasn't worn them yet. I have to get him to change his shirt.  He doesn't quite notice that he hasn't, or doesn't quite care until I point it out. I just wish he'd change it BEFORE we head to to the store, and not after:) He can get so excited that I'm coming by, he's anxious to just GO and sometimes he's heading out the door when I arrive. With the broomstick as a walking stick (oy), but not the sha-lay-lee (sp) that IS an Irish walking stick that he has, except it's not the right size.
MikeV wrote in his journal about how his parenting skills learned from being a parent to his son, have helped him in taking care of his mother. I see similar in how I help out my father. Except sometimes, my father has not been so dependent, so I have to be sure he doesn't notice I'm treating him like a child and that he is still the parent, a full adult, making the decisions he's capable of.
Daisy is sleeping now:) Captain is trying to eat his rabies tag M got on his collar. Finally, tomorrow, he gets neutered. I won't have to keep everyone separated any more for potential sexual activities(tho I wondered briefly tonight if sperm is still "in the system" so to speak the first couple times, like with a human man's vasectomy. I'm guessing not as it's a different procedure on a cat than on a human male).
It's been way too long since I've had a sexual workout:) I start to not even be bothered by it or think as much about it (unless someone special gets me thinking / going type thing). I don't know if it works that way for guys or not, but I know it does for some other women I know.
Ah, well. I'm have another dancing workout this Saturday:) I'm glad I'll dance one with N so I can have a chance to let him know that I find him to be a good dancer. He just started this year and I hardly see him, but you'd not know he just started this year. I'm really not trying to hit on him, heck, I think he's finishing up college so way too young, but it'd just be nice to have a chance to chat or something.  I'm glad I'll be in Lancers, too:) It's a great, fun dance, and fast as we dance it to MatMatt Cunningham. Tonight, the Clare Plain set was done very fast, too, and it was fun that way but almost too fast, as some were new to it.

Sometimes, dancing can even be a bit like safe-sex, but that's a whole other entry sometime:0
Ah, sigh, another night. Soaking laundry, should sleep. BJ hasn't come online that I've seen. His phone seemed out of area, too, when I tried calling him earlier (as if he's on travel someplace).  Whatever.
Peace, all.
Oh, I should add, C never did let me know 3:00 or 3:30. I kept debating just re-asking him, being nice about it of course. Then figured, well, I told him 3:00 would be okay, so I should have M home and ready by then in case, even if legally I'm fine at 3:30 as that's what the CO says. We were home at 2:59 (her packed bag ready, too, with washed clothes from there, and her stuff for Monday, and Father's Day gift). His girlfriend, Sh, drove up not really into a space or anything, double-parked, at 3:27 p.m.

Okay, where'd the rest of this go!   I hate entries made via the aol IM thing sometimes.  

I had ended it relaying how M and I had been singing a variety of songs in the afternoon, mostly from a Music in Motion show we'd seen a year or two ago, not this year's.   Imagine was one of them.  :)

Imagine all the people, living life in peace.   You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.   Someday you may join us, and the world will live as one.

C responded

C did write back this afternoon, as I was going to head to lunch but oh well.   (I just heated up something to eat.)   I spent time writing out my thoughts on it, delineating for myself my rebuttals on all he was saying.   His e-mail was full of mistruths, and false accusations, etc.   I am not sure yet if I'm going to respond back to him or not.   It might just aggravate the fight he's trying to have with me, or, if I respond to part of it, he might try to assume that since I didn't respond to other parts, that the other parts are true even if most of it was / is false.

I think, reading through it all between the lines, he's upset that he couldn't bully me for extra time.   (Um, no, but asking nicely could have worked, if not now, another time.)   He'd demanded at the time for "his" Court-Ordered agreement time, but in the e-mail said that he's sick of me adamantly against him having any extra time, etc. (ah, so he knew it was extra time).   So, I responded to his calls to me via what the Court Order states.  

He is still really upset that the intentions of the Court Order for her being with him for extended weekends in the summer, hits up against the intention of the Court Order to start week-long stretches and the first week-long stretch that she's with me (tho her time w/ him is still extended an overnight b/c of Father's Day).   Somehow he didn't catch that there is also the intention of the week thing, or that my pointing out that the intention later in the summer was for her to be with him for 2 weeks straight, but the wording has it be for 3 weeks.  He's fussing over 1 night, which could go either way even, when I could be fussing over 1 week, even taken it to court to have that straightened out.   He said that I'm going by my feelings (his emphasis) and I can't go by intentions when I want it to.  Huh?   I'm going by Court Order, having to accept it and move on even in areas I dislike or in areas I do like (I LIKE that she's w/ him Father's Day -- he'd not ONCE asked for it in previous years, while refusing her be with me on Mother's Day when I'd ask, and I feel she should be able to see him on Father's Day).

So much crap.   I'm leaving out most of it for the journaling purposes.   I did vent already in an e-mail for myself, delineating my would-be rebuttals (including that yes, I DID offer Sunday afternoon, and heck, even Christmas day or eve or sometime, repeatedly, b/c I knew it'd be the right thing for Megan, but he kept declining that).  

He only stated a weak attempt to stay saying he believes e/o Tuesday continues in the summer.   I really don't believe it does, even after carefully re-reading the Court Order, and I'm thinking he doesn't truly believe that, either.   If he did, he'd really demand it, court, cops, whatever it took for him to be in control and get what "he" is due.  

Anyway, it was certainly a misconstrued response of his, but, I believe C is (begrudingly) agreeing that the Court Order does state Thursday afternoon through Monday a.m.   So, that part is good.

Oh, he re-"threatened" mediation, too, to "not argue semantics for the next 6 years."   Hey, if there's a neutral party, then C won't be able to bully and berate me, yanno?   How is that a threat?   Also, my thought was that we've been trying to interpret this crazy Court Order -- if it's arguing semantics -- which I think would go back to our lawyers for interpretation or at least legal advice not mediation.  (The Father's Day weekend bit DID get discussed with our lawyers 1 or 2 years ago and it's already been ruled upon by our lawyers).   Whatever.   I think he doesn't wish to spend more money, either way.  

Not that mediation worked for us before.   The mediator said that C never once looked at me, and never once addressed me, so she doesn't see that lack of coordination boding well for us and she recommends us not bother to continue with mediation (but go on to court proceedings if we wished visitation resolved).   She also told me she'd hold him there for 5-10 minutes so that I could get to my car safely, unless I felt I should be escorted there, but I thought her holding him there would be sufficient.

So, yeah, my mood is "frustrated."   I don't know if he'll send his girlfriend (Sh) to come at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow or 3:30 p.m. tomorrow, and I really don't feel like asking him again about it.   The time is 3:30, but I'd offered 3:00 as he seemed to think it was 3:00.   I don't want him to think his stuff is true, he does seem to start to internalize things and start believing things if he states them to himselfoften enough, or appears to, anyway.   I'm actually a really nice person, a softie, sometimes a pushover (okay, so obviously he knows that but why not be nice back, then, not bully?).

The good thing, however, is that I am not having to worry and anticipate a fight come Monday a.m.   It's also good M's in a camp, b/c he never seems to have any problems returning her under my care if it's to school or camp, but sometimes, since he's moved 1/2 hour away last September, he has refused to drive her back to her/my place.   (He  drove her back previous to his moving.)   It's also good that she wasn't with me when he called either time, nor after -- she's thinking things are fine right now:)   And, that is good.   

just checking in

I called M a few moments ago.   We chatted some, she sounded a bit interrupted.   Said they're watching t.v., yes, they will get some lunch.  I reminded her she wanted to go to the pool, and it's not raining (storming) yet.   I know public schools got out after lunch today (I think they can still count that as a full day, too).  

M is over her friend, Md's, for the day.   The mom will be gone 9:30-3:30, and the dad was gone by the time we go there, 9/9:15, but the older high school brother and his buddies were still asleep in the basement, lol.   That boy wasn't required to watch the girls, but he would be in and out, and out might just mean to the pool or skateboarding, too.   I'd actually trust these two home alone, and age 12, they CAN spend the entire day alone, legally in Maryland, and once age 8 years old, can for brief periods (likely dependent upon how long and how mature the child is, too).   I have left M home alone for an hour or hour and a half maybe three times, or four, parents meetings type reasons.   They are both real mature for their age, too.

But, it was a bit funny.  "Um, Mom, why are you calling me?"  lol   I told her I was just checking in on her.   I do believe that's a good habit to have.   I know that they are fine.  

Heck, they're big 7th graders now:)   That was so exciting after graduation of the 8th graders last Friday night, and afterwards everyone talking about how they are now in the next grade up.   M and Md's new teachers, Mr. L and Ms. M, were so pleased and proud of their students.   Mr. L had talked w/ the then 6th graders Friday during the morning about this fall / next year, and a package he and Ms. M are sending them "within a few days" about what they are to work on this summer.   He was excited to relay this to me, seems real enthused.   I'm glad:)   I also like how the two compliment each other, and am glad that he is an environmentalist (and math whiz, etc.).   She's more the language person.   He certainly seems friendly, but I see girls instinctively hugging her, so her warmth, and his enthusiasm, plus their other skills, it's a good mix.   Ms. H will help out some, too, well, both Ms. H's, lol, actually.   And various specialists, and the "physicalexpressions" teacher, et al.   Mr. L thinks that the Intermediate Class (7th and 8th graders) will be about 20 students.

I could even let M stay home alone in the afternoons next week, too, really, as her camp ends at 1pm.   I might one day, but otherwise, don't really plan to.   She is a good kid and mature enough.  But, still.  :)

(The mom will be there a fair bit of tomorrow, but C gets M in mid-afternoon, have yet to hear if he prefers 3 or 3:30 and likely he won't tell me tho he should, or, well, he'll send his g/f most likely, so the girls get more of a chance to play today/longer time, then they would for tomorrow, plus than Md isn't left home all alone, but has a buddy.)

think I'm /we're okay for the day....

It's after 4:30, heck, it's about 4:40 p.m., so I think C has decided not to pursue this today.  

A girlfriend of mine asked me if I can just ask him to confirm / respond.  

"Ha.   Yeah, I could, but then he would know I want that, so he'd be less likely to respond.

Nope.  He's passive/aggressive.   He will refuse to respond. 

 

Just like he declined to respond when I kept asking about Sunday / Si's dance recital, and did he want M for the afternoon or not, and details for his other daughters

event/recital.   Or never telling M if she can or cannot attend a friends party, even when she asks, or not taking her even if she was told yes.

 

He very rarely confirms, and never will if it means agreeing with me after he'd fussed a different angle.

So, he'll either respond later with calculated bitching, or never respond at all.   Not responding at all could mean a) he'll go along w/ Monday as I do believe he knows that's correct, or b) he'll simply just refuse to bring her back, w/out telling me.

 

That's why it's so hard/frustrating for me :(

 

Of course, I'm assuming he's going to drop the whole "Tuesday night" thing.   It's not in the Court Order at all, so really, he had no basis to demand it.   He could ask for some time, but not huff and puff and accuse and demand.

 

M's party ends at 5pm, so, heading to get her:)   Tears (for separation) are easier to hide in a pool of water and with laughter, right?  I'm sure it was fun.

short and to the point, so now waiting....

I LOVE that song!   A wish for better days......... etc.   Listen to the lyrics sometime.

I had to write C, and under time constraints.   It'd helped me re-look at the issues to vent some in here, even if I left out sections (really).   Greeting, three issues brought up, 1, 2, 3.   I didn't care about the one (3 vice 3:30 and told him that I'd leave that up to him for this week), but the other two, I just stated facts how I saw them, especially in relation to the Court Order, so hey.   Wrapped it up, including the bit about 3 weeks vice 2 weeks straight later in the summer (maybe it'll help him feel better???), and that I had offered him time last Sunday but didn't receive a response, and a "have a good afternoon" and my name.  

I left out some things I'd like to mention, such as that I do not appreciate being yelled at.   Again.   That yes, it was VERY last minute.   Etc.   Those can be gotten into later I suppose.

I felt good after sending it:)  M was getting the address book gift wrapped for her twin friends party, who are moving away.   I'd eaten something real, which always helps!

But, now I'm a bit anxious.  I don't really believe he'll show up at my place today, being he didn't seem convinced of his position, combined w/ saying that he knows it's last minute notice and he realizes I might have plans for M, and he knows that she does. 

I also know that he knows she is to return Monday a.m., but he might stay trying to hedge his bets and simply just not return her, refuse to return her.  He's pulled that before.   Yes, he knows she'd be screwed for camp, but I don't know if that'd matter to him, b/c of how he's treated her activities for her in the past.

So, in some ways, relief.   I know what the Court Order states, and I feel confident in that.   But I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.   How will he react.   I may not know until Monday, I may hear within the hour.   C is often passive / aggressive.   I still hate this.

M, of course, happy to be at her friends party:)  There are 10 girls there, so it'll be fun.  She was worried others would also bring an address book, or if she didn't have to bring something.   Ah, always that etiquette being learned.   Heck, adults need to learn more, often, too:)   I told her that a gift wasn't required, but it was certainly not INappropriate, and that it's perfect.   She really likes that address book, too, and we'd spent time over the past year looking for one for her, none other being quite "right."   I asked her if she'd like this same one for her, "YES!"  lol

I did get a CS check in the mail today, not too late this month.   Still addressed to the wrong street name (there is a well-know, well-traveled Road nearby with a name practically the same as my Drive, and C tends to use that one, and without my unit (I'm in a condo).   I've pointed this out.   Thankfully, my mailman is good.   It's dated June 8th, postmarked June 12th.   Typically it's dated approximately a week before it's postmarked, so this is good this month.   Now I can get M her cleats and oh, we're trying to borrow a field hockey stick.

M knows nothing of this stress going on, this latest demanding bluff of his.   She's having a good day, and is happy:)

I hate the waiting part.   My stomach gets all turned into knots.  I'm actually rather glad we had other plans for this afternoon (and actually, she has youth group this evening, too, if she wishes).   BIG breathe, in, out.   Wishing for Better Days.... :)   The Lord help us all.

Visitation Schedule Rants

My mood?   Much improved over last night.   I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS, and, did I mention?  I HATE this.

Oh, initially last night, my mood was good -- M's camp is working out well considering my screw up with them.   She'll be in field hockey camp next week, YEAH!, (instead of lacrosse later in the summer, or going to Maine next week, or switching next week around with C for M to attend a "mandatory" dance company camp that isn't happening now in our town, but another week/another town and oh well she's been booked for camp that week and it's also when she's w/ C so I just told Ma that M couldn't do it).   They won't even charge me a processing fee for the change (from LAX to field hockey).   That's really great, and they have always been really nice:)   M took a LAX mini-clinic one Spring with them.   (Her main sports are dancing and horseback riding, but having a week or two here and there for exploration isn't so bad, plus she's interested in these, and always has, or art or drama, lol.   It's also pretty local, and 4 hours / day so she can relax in the afternoons.)

Anyway, sent BampBob (my stepfather) an e-birthday card for his big 70 yesterday.   I'd also sent a card and a nice "world's greatest grandpa" t-shirt with M when I dropped her off there in the morning.   I didn't wish to miss the "party" with him, but had rehearsal last night for the Potomac Celtic Festival this weekend.   I had worked through lunch and was headed home before calling Bob and M, and going on to rehearsal.

C called.  He'd called the house and left a message (fairly polite), but not reaching me, called my cell.   He basically yelled, ranted, manipulated/cajolingly condescendingly, accusing me (of not catching his potential mistakes um huh?), and demanding for 15 minutes.   I actually had to put the phone down twice while he vented loudly, me picking the cell phone back up a bit later, him still going.   C called back a bit later, too, which I was tempted to ignore, but I answered.  He was more calm then, still pushy and such, but a bit better, not quite as high a volume in the yelling, for another 4-5 minutes.  I still told him I would not make a decision in haste w/out looking at things first ("don't you trust me reading the schedule?" um, that's not the point, but he was the one calling last minute after over 2 years of having this schedule, saying "oops," lol, even if it is complicated).   It sounded okay, though, I was thinking, gee, he's not pushing the until Tuesday bit just insisting on 1 more night not 2, we can work this out.......   me not realizing, duh, the Court Order really DOES say it's supposed to be Monday.   Ugh.  

C doesn't always ask for what he's really asking for, either, and I think this time was no different.   He is trying to claim, oops, he'd just realized over 2 years later, and after we'd agreed on what the Court Order claims summer visitation is, several times even, that he believes M is to still go with him every/other Tuesday night even in the summer, not only the school year.   Um, no.   But, I was polite, said I didn't think he was correct with this but I'll check it when I get home.   That didn't sit well and he started in on me, yes, yelling.   I repeated that I didn't have the Court Order with me and that I was driving.   He said he knows this is late notice, but unless we agree to alternative arrangements post haste like, he WILL be there (my place) at 3:00 p.m. tomorrow (today).   It's really to be 3:30 if it were to happen, but whatever at that moment (and I'll even let him know that 3:00 p.m. is fine by me, Thursday night as scheduled, if he wants, instead of 3:30).   He seemed almost embarrassed to even bring it up, that he'll understand if she has plans for tonight, it is last minute, etc., which I found interesting and had me more skeptical.   Yes, she's at a party (well, that's this afternoon and then youth group summer time event tonight, but he didn't ask for details, or even ask to talk w/ her.)   Heck, we're to give a minimum of 48 hours notice of changes, too, and this was less than 24, but he's telling me he's doing me a courtesy of calling me.   Yeah, well, he knows I wouldn't anticipate him (or really his girlfriend on his behalf) coming by today for her, and, well, we wouldn't be here.

He "happened" to mention that he'd be keeping her until next Tuesday a.m.   We'd discussed for practically a year now that it's Monday a.m., per Court Order.   We'd talked of switching weeks for her dance camp, and that if we did not, that she/I intended to sign her up for field hockey camp thatweek.   He seemed all bent out of shape, or, well, pretended to perhaps, that she was scheduled.   That it won't work, now for him to have her through Wednesday morning as a makeup for tonight/this Tuesday night and the regular through Tuesday a.m.   Oy vey.    He blamed me repeatedly for me not catching his mistake of Monday a.m. not Tuesday a.m. (except, I reread the right section this a.m. that it really IS Monday a.m. like he and I agreed to several times these past months, that HE stated first even as "this is the schedule per Court Order" he expected me to agree to), that he's so sick of me coming after him (I said, calmy, "You called me.")   I'm really sick of this bs, too.  And etc.   This synopsis is with me trying to get to the kernel of it.  

I'm so glad I waited until this a.m. to write him back -- I was too wound last night previous to heading to rehearsal, and I was already late to that.   A friend there, Mi, looked at me and asked if I was alright.   I forget what I mumbled, but she inquired further, "No, really, are you alright?" later telling me that my face and my body language indicated I really was NOT alright.   I even came across more negatively about a dance I don't care about than I intended, but I was able to explain that to the woman who said she'd switch with me, tell her I don't care for it, but I don't mind dancing it, I was just really stressed.   After I got to dance, gosh, N has become a good dancer, I didn't have a lot of patience for H (she's always a challenge, has some problems), but I just kept my mouth shut, I still love dancing Lancers:), I know I was tense going in but gosh, dancing helps me so much:)   And some venting.  I told this friend, Mi, some of the stuff.   She's never even had kids, but she knows how to listen and I just felt so beat upon I wanted to just cry.   That's a good thing in some ways, b/c after a verbal beating, I tend to get all knotted inside, angry, and then later, that crying bit.   I don't even know if I did cry or not, but it means I've moved along in my steps in processing and handling it.   Of course, it meant I could hardly concentrate to eat any dinner, grabbing only a Nutri-Grain bar, and later, a cheesestick.   Lovely, not, on and a slice of cake after rehearsal for someone's birthday.  

I almost wrote him last night, too, after getting home, but I was tired and knew it'd take me some time.   Again, I didn't realize until this a.m. that it really IS to be Monday a.m., which I knew he was thinking it was by the way he was talking, not really forcing that issue, just trying to get one extra night in there somehow, not the two he was claiming he was due.   I just wasn't fully certain of it until this a.m.   If he hadn't fussed so much, I'd have likely gone along with it, but he forced me to reread it all, so now I know what he's bluffing on, too.

I don't care if M spends extra time up there (if she wants to).   If he'd said, hey, Robin, we're used to having M here every/other Tuesday and we miss that in the summer -- think we can work something out?   Shrug, hey, if it didn't interfere with stuff, sure.   (Actually, it'd help for daycare this week, but it'd also mean M and I having not as much time w/ each other, no hang time, no time to buy her cleats, or try to borrow a hockey stick, finish up Father's Day presents, whatever.)   I'd offered for him to have her for Sunday afternoon, with no strings attached, and NEVER heard back from him.   I didn't wish to get into a tit for tat, I want us to be able to just work to accommodate M, or whatever, so I didn't even ask for switching time, just have M be with them and share in the afternoon.   Nada word.

(An aside:   Sunday afternoon was Si's second dance recital.   This just turned 4 year old, who is adorable and I mean that sincerely, sweet girl, was taking two dance classes a week, and it appears two gymnastics classes, down near me, a week.   One dance class of Si's was Saturdays at 10 but M can't have anything anytime b/c it'd interfere with her time with C (rolling my eyes, yes and no), even if he was at work.   This recital was in their new town, near where my mother lives, and I'd gotten word about it only via M, who got it via Sh and Si.   I wrote twice, I called their home and his cell, NO responses to anything, offering for him to pick her up, asking for details, etc.  I'd told M she could go, rearranged our schedules /didn't make other plans, so she could.   No response at all.   Really weird.  I finally called her new cell #, the girlfriend, Sh, and she was curt with me, that she'dgiven M all the details.   Well, a) no she didn't, and b) what's wrong with confirming, anyway?  I got directions, too, that I didn't get quite right but I found it.   M said that maybe I could just go in with her, that it was alright with her.   Beautiful Sunday day, gorgeous, but yes, to spend time w/ M would be more fun, so thinking maybe I would as they didn't pick her up and I was dropping her off.   I'd see inside.   $12./ticket.  That was not mentioned.   M, bless her heart, got out her purse to pay for hers.  I wouldn't let her.   The ticket seller just said, "Here, take this one.  Um, someone turned it back in, can't use it."  Bless her:)   (I later went to thank her again, and the woman said, "Her father should have paid for that, then."  Yes, true.)   I made sure M was okay, had her cell, and waited for her to walk in.   I then found out it was going to be 3 hours long, wow, and then an additional hour for awards and a reception.   Gee, what do I do now, we won't make it to my mothers/Bob's for later in the afternoon........    After the first intermission, the tickettaker left and I could go in, too.   I didn't find M until after the second intermission, and she had her cell phone off.   C didn't even stay, he actually LEFT.  C and Sh had not only not left a ticket for M, but didn't even save her a seat, even tho they knew she was coming.   I don't get that.   M found them at the first intermission, after Si had danced her routine, and C was leaving.   So M sat with Sh and Si joined them.   When I saw M @ 2nd intermission, Sh moved things so I could join and sit with them, instead of having M leave.   The second awkward time of the week with Sh and I hanging around so that M and Si could spend time together, but whatever.   Sh was polite then, and after it all, thanked me for bringing M up.   I did it for M, but yeah, to support M supporting Si, yanno?)

So then C pulls this sh&* and I don't get it.  

I am guessing he's just upset again b/c he wants an extended weekend -- his summer weekends are "extended" for Thursday afternoon 3:30 to Tuesday 9 a.m. (which entirely screws camps but whatever), but that is just until the weeks at a time schedule goes into effect.   The e/o Tuesday does not occur in the summer (it's not even mentioned), and really, wouldn't make sense b/c then she'd go with him for Thursday evening until Tuesday a.m., then back with him that Tuesday night?   Not the intent.   And, to be honest, I think he knows that but was bluffing by using that, even tho I still have to respond to it sincerely and as if he was serious.   However, the week-long at a time bit starts this Sunday at 3:00 p.m. (M with me until 3:00 p.m. next Sunday, then 1 week with him, 2 weeks with me, and then intended to be 2 weeks with him but....) Etc.  This Sunday is also Father's Day, so every Father's Day, like every Mother's Day with me, M goes with him that day and over night until 9am or beginning of school / camp that Monday.   He had his lawyer and mine go over this indepth a couple years ago.   It means that every 3rd Sunday in June, she is NOT with me starting at 3pm, but with him over night until 9am on Monday.   The extended weekend ends at 3pm Sunday b/c the weeklong bit starts.  

I think when I write him, politely and focused (yes, I can do that when I really try!), to the point, factually w/out emotion but not cruelly at all, I should include that the intent later in the summer was for her to be with him for 2 weeks straight, but b/c of the wording of dates (a first Sunday in August thing), some summers, she's with him for 3 weeks straight.   Maybe reminding him of that will calm him down some.  I know that I'm not really happy about 3 weeks in a row, but I have learned to accept that b/c it is what it is.   I hope he can do the same with this coming weekend, not 5 nights (Th - Mon night), but not 3 nights, either (Thur until Sun 3pm), but 4 nights she's w/ him.

Let there be peace on earth.......   Why does this have to be such a daggone struggle.  Did I mention, I HATE IT?!  :)