Monday, July 17, 2006

Wide Awake and Lucid!

Stopped by my father's at lunchtime.   M and I had brought him lunch yesterday, and left it there for him instead of eating with him, as he was asleep.  Well, M preferred we not eat WITH him, anyway, not realizing he was all cleaned up tho the place needs cleaning.   We were on our way to my mother's / Bob's for what we could make of the afternoon before C picked her up (he lives near there so I actually made it easier for him).   Anyway, Dad had gotten the food we left.    He asked if he had seen us, but I told him no.

He was eager to see his mail.   He LIKES getting mail, just hadn't gotten it since July 3rd.   On July 2nd, I had picked it up for him, per his request, and there was a few days worth in there but not a ton.   I simply put the newspaper ads and crap directly into the recycling:)   No need to pick it up from his living room floor later to do that.   He had trouble that day, needing to sit down at the grocery store (dressed okay but insisted on a jacket so likely overheated tho cold in the store).   I picked out several birthday cards for him to chose from -- he chose one for M, signed it, I added $20. of mine, and we mailed it out that day.   He was really interested in what she might plan to buy, not sure if he'd remember now, but he was fine holding on to me and etc.    But, he hadn't gotten his mail since.

I went through it yesterday, 2 weeks worth wow, mailbox STUFFED, including the court notice for Friday's would have been foreclosure, and two certified mail notices -- one from that lawyer but expired July 12th, so why the heck didn't the mail carrier NOTICE SOMETHING?   And, did he even try my father a the door, or?   I don't know that my dad saw any of this.   Oh, and almost 20 letters from other lawyers and real estate "investors" and others offering their services to my dad, some scammers, some likely legitimate.   Nothing from "the" lawyer -- why wouldn't they send something both regular and certified?   To me, that'd be best cuz picking something up certified is such a pain and gets delayed, and, in this case, never received.   The lawyer who charged over $3,300. for this.   I find that excessive.   I may write them and ask if they'd consider reducing the fee at all, explain the situation........   doesn't hurt but I know it's not likely.

Today, Dad said he wanted to read all of those "solicitation letters," anyway, but then later he was fine with me recycling them.   I could foresee them getting mixed up with his legitimate / current mail.    We went over his bills, too.   He wrote down that July's mortgage had been paid, he'd not remembered that was part of the arrangements, and was grateful.   It lets him pay for his overdue electric and gas bills, and overdue lawn service tho at least they are really nice.   I had planned to write them, but he kept the bills.  It's fine, they are his, and now I know to followup and ask him about them, too.

His property tax bill also arrived.  He thinks he's not eligible any more for the county (state?) program that reduces the taxes.   It's one I've gotten him in each year, so ?   He usually followed through with the paperwork, thrilled it was reduced.   I am going to check, heck, sounds like even I could qualify at quick look, wow, all these years I paid extra cuz I make more now than ever before as a homeowner?!   I told him I'd see if there was "another" program:)

I suspect that the thing one was always really good at, and my dad had a quick / good mind for figures, is the last thing a person wishes to let go.   I'm happy for him to do his bills, me run someone else's finances on top of my own?   That is a lot.   But, I will have to keep close check.   He never cared a lot about cooking, oh, some, but not hardly.   And, his mother doted on men, true southern hostess:)   She was in her 90's preparing food oy vey at times ha, but she was and she did alright.   He is in his version of elderly and tries to maintain his finances.

He didn't go with me to the store, though.   He remembered just where the pistachio ice cream is this time, describing the location well.   I'd tried many visits and could not find it.  Oh, it's Ben and Jerry's.   I bet it's good:)   I know what he likes at this point, mostly, but he tells me his mental list, anyway, which is good for him and me for remembering.   I got a few extra things, too, like freshly made soup for lunch, some liquid soap for the bathroom, the milk he gets (organic ha he doesn't care about that, but he'll recognize it -- it's red with a white jumping cow -- on the end of the aisle so it's what he gets typically).   Etc.  

He did ask for Vermouth, tho he calls it wine.   Blech, it's sticky and I suspect very sweet.  I'll never have the stomach to try it.  He thinks it's better than drinking Scotch.   I doubt I could try that, either.   Thursday, he asked for a cola or iced tea, so today, I got him two juices (he loves juice and citrus), milk, and a bottle each of lime Cola and iced tea.   Hey, his mother's from Georgia, of course he drinks iced tea, sweetened:)   Anyway, he's had nothing alcoholic for probably a month now, or longer -- however long I've had his phone.   Not that I'm trying to keep his phone from him, but I tried to get it to work.   Then I went to one Sprint / Nextel store, but they weren't fully equipped yet to handle upgrades from Nextel to Nextel.   Now, waiting on Dad's next paycheck to just buy him a new one.   He asked again for buying just a new phone -- so I told him where I'd looked.  We could converse today much more clearly than last week (last week also a sober week, mind).

I forgot to take his formerly worn clothes home with me to wash....... I got rattled cuz I flushed the toilet for him.   Apparently forgetting to flush sometimes is "normal," and at least he knows where he should go.   It overflowed.   I was gagging.   It "fixed" (cleared / flushed) but there are some areas needing more intense cleaning I could NOT do today, already over a 2 hour lunch (I marked it down on my timesheet).   It's filthy in there, ANYWAY, but ack.

I spent time researching dementia lately, okay, more like the Alzheimer's organization site for classes, as I saw a brochure for spring classes for caregivers.  I could use those, but few classes (locally) in the summer.   I was prepared for Dad to be really bad off today ha.  It comes and goes, and apparently that is normal, too.   Guess I'm happy he was more clearheaded today.   And still with clean hair and clothes, too, other than the same socks.   

One thing I saw on the website is that caffeine can make one urinate more often, or something like that, so since sometimes those with dementia can't notice their body signals all the time, don't give caffeinated drinks, and decrease liquid 2 hours before bedtime (but don't overlimit beverages yadda yadda).   Then again, I'm fairly certain my father also has ADD, and since those with ADD / ADHD have biochemistry that differs from "the rest," and caffeine helps us focus and calms us down, would it be of more benefit to keep him in iced tea and cola?   I was torn, am still torn, but wtf, I got him iced tea and cola:)   I am worried that those of us with ADD / ADHD might be more prone to early dementia, anyway........  not that I know if that's true, but seems possible.

After M was picked up by C and Si yesterday at my mother's, (man, 3 weeks, I have not had it hit me yet, I'm ignoring that length of time, she slept with baby-Baby that last night,too, her first dollbaby ever, etc.),   I had planned to leave, but ended up socializing with Mom and Bob.   We talked a lot about my father, and it was interesting to hear my mother talk of how he had been, too.   Very concerned about "HIS" home, and keeping it up, I knew he was about the outside, some other things, too.   I knew she had just wanted out so gave him the home, when they separated / divorced.   She deserved better (tho she didn't spend those years complaining, mind, she and he both tried to keep negative comments away from my brother, D, and me).

I could sit down last night, do nothing, somewhat read, watched a futuristic movie hopeful astronaut God's child Vincent pretends to be perfectly engineered Jerome and gets away with it:)   Grey's anatomy, too, yes, at the same time, so hey, I multi-viewed.   First time to just SIT in so so long.   Even the pets took 2 hours Sunday a.m., between Daisy and the cats and dogwatching the two boys (dogs) again and their meds and their geri-pads.......   oy.   I'm glad it was only 1.5 days this time.   I love and adore M, so happy to do what I need for her, well, nixing a few minor negative moments ha, but still.   I have sole physical custody, it's really me who has responsibility for her.   my brother, Doug has disappeared again from taking care of my dad, and I was worried, gosh, is it really JUST ME again taking care of him?   Guess it's partially my dad, too, though, and that helps.   I had to just chill last night, though, burned out, and trying to be so tired that I didn't miss M not being home.  (Daisy and Liberty, then later Billy, then Captain, kept me company, of course.) :)

One day at a time:)


  1. Sounds like your handling it very well.  It's a lot.  Happy your dad is still continent and knows where to go.  A sign might help with flushing though.  LOL.  I see he still remembers the important stuff at the supermarket.  ~ Mike

  2. onecrabn3lilfishJuly 17, 2006 at 3:10 PM

    AT least he knows his ice cream!!!

    Make sure one of things you do in the near future is look into a home health aide.  It might help him if he allowes him/her to help.


  3. Geeze, I am so sorry that this is getting so time consuming and hard on you. You seem to hang in there, you're a good daughter. I will continue to read here, it's giving my a heads up on what to expect with my MIL. Have you called the state yet?