Thursday, July 20, 2006

15 years ago.........

Actually, I think it was a different song from "the Boss" that I heard this morning, but it was still one of his older / more classic songs.   I went to a few of his concerts longer than 15 years ago........ heck, I dressed as him for Halloween one year, lol, but that's another entry ha.

When Amy first asked me what my hopes and goals were, where I saw myself headed, back 15 years ago, I kept thinking, 15 years ago, not 12/13, but 15?   See, M was born 12 years ago this month, and of course, conceived approximatley 9 months before that........   So much of my life I view as pre-M, or post-M's birth, with my current home and current office both chosen b/c of her, and decorated with items from her, or photos of her.   I had to think about this, the year 1991.....

I was really involved as a youth advisor at my church and back then, I could really spend a lot of my time doing this.   This is one area where spending more time, gets more rewards, forges connections with the youth.   Some of my friends were other youth advisors, too, late 20's / early 30's.   I also played handbells in the bell choir.   I'd played piano growing up, tried a couple other things, but never played in a group with others before, so that was enjoyable.   We went on a mission trip to Bolivia even....... and I was dating.   I was also a volunteer at a Regional Park near me, that wasn't even a lake and official parkland until the year I graduated high school.   (One of my best friends at the time was a fellow youth advisor (for a while), AND helped with the bird walks at that park -- his ear is FANTASTIC the best I've ever known, and he left his very promising physics career (doctor of physics / nuclear science?) to focus full time on music.  I'm excited to see him play again tomorrow night, and am happy he's happy.  I dated one of his roommates rather seriously, also a physicist, and I had to look up when Jurassic Park came out, b/c we'd read that, and later when it came out (apparently 1993, tho), went to see the movie,  I got so interested in the chaos theory that I wanted to take an introductory physics course........ Rebounding from him back to C, and C rebounding from a failed relationship that was serious, also, C and I got back together and wow, now we have M.....)

I also looked after my grandmother sometimes, more so in later years.

For me, I was contemplating where I wanted my life to go.   I would have been 29 years old, to be 30 in November.   What was God's plan for me?   What did I want?

I'd been out of school long enough by then that I wasn't sick of it but ready to learn more again, starting to look at graduate programs.   Did I want to transfer to one of our Seattle offices, where I have relatives I really like, and grad programs near there sounded really interesting?   Or, stay local?  

I don't recall when I first started taking graduate classes, but I did start taking a few at U. Md. to help me clarify just what masters degree program I wished to pursue, taking my third? class the fall of 13 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant with M.

Back 15 years ago, though, I was trying to zone in, who did God wish me to date, for I did see myself getting married and having children, in that order.   Likely to a good, Christian, man, too.   Eh, maybe that'll still happen, just likely without our own biological children being I'm 44 1/2 years old.   I don't mind stepchildren:)

Would I teach science?   I really love the public outreach parts of my work, relaying the science to "constituents" (which differs from "public" which typically means media).   I enjoyed interactions with the youth, primarily middle/junior high school youth as my favorite age range back then.   Or, would I stay studying science and "be" an actual scientist?   I love hands on exploring and understanding what God made.   Or, bone back up on my math and pursue agriculture economics, which did so intrigue me?   By the time it was just over 12 years ago, I was thinking maybe a teacher of environmental science.......  now, today, I'm thinking, maybe a Montessori teacher instead:)  lol if I ever get that chance to go back.   The idea of being a science teacher was different from being a scientist which had been more my idea when I obtained my bachelor's degree (in natural resource management).   I'd been in the working world a bit by then; I love that there are scientists who go out annually to the same exact spot and study a species, but ya still have to get the funding on the Hill, or wherever.

So, Amy, I did have different ideas back then, but I was also still working them out:)  

And, for the record, I'm not upset that they changed.   "Working" with M is really thee utmost important thing I can do with my life, really, parenting and guiding and helping her grow.   Even if we're not living in Seattle, or having me driving a polo green camaro, or having completed my Master's.   It is truly okay:)



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