Thursday, November 30, 2006

Back to Normal, well, our version thereof:)

So so much going on.   Having M away for 6 nights was not something I really wanted to face, even if I really do wish her to have a relationship and time with her dad.   I suppose if he "allowed" more communication, if she were simply made comfortable and allowed to actually contact me whenever, and I let her contact him whenever, that'd help.  (She had time on Thanksgiving but not even given my message I'd called, once to her cell and once to his home where they did stay later for hours.)   Nicely, she got to ride for 1.5 hours that a.m., her dad brought her down, she didn't get 3 hours in, seems he had something going that way, anyway, so yeah that it worked for her.   That was a nice surprise.   And, she and I did chat the next day, which was great:)   Still. (Little Si was actually in the hospital nearest M and I for 3 nights, poor thing.   M didn't know this until picked up for visitation, the 3rd night Si was in the hospital, by Sh's father, to go see Si.   If C, or Sh had simply called, I could have taken M by to see Si, or had M call her, something.   The dance school had it on the school message board even, others knew.  Thankfully, Si is well now and home.)   And, so is M, home now, and has been so life feels normal again:)  Daisy was SO SO SO glad to see M! and vice versa.

Helping my father out a few times, and gosh that gets so daggone overwhelming never mind M and my stuff.   Every time I unclog a toilet, it reclogs even blech, never mind everything else.   Enroute there last Wednesday, the night before Thanksgiving, he called me.  I was thinking he was calling wondering where I was, but he was hearing the traffic reports and was worried about me stuck in all this traffic and rain, telling me it's okay to not come.   I was practically on his street by then.   He didn't realize it was Thanksgiving traffic.   "The" day was too nasty for hiking :( and I watched the parade, finally figuring out it's not two stations covering it, it's two parades duh, glass of nice wine (tried to drink another glass, good wine but gosh I just can't drink), piece of sweet potatoe pie, pice of mincemeat:)   Good conversations with friends...... (plus my mother, and with Doug).  Glad Mom didn't ask me up there, cuz we'd had a good time the Sunday before, let's just go with that (albeit she asked if I was visiting my father, and at the time I thought I might, even if he said I didn't need to.)   Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs.   I was burned out.  I needed this, even if no way could I do that all the time, i.e., "nothing."   I think I slept 3 hours even.   Also wondering if I was starting to shut down some, not able to deal with the enormity of "it all," so to deal, shutting down / ignoring some / feeling a bit numb?

Then a nice call with M Friday, I at work cuz what the heck, trying to be productive.   (Si in the background showing me the hole from the IV in her arm, lol, and her stuffed animals.   After, M told Si that M wanted to talk with her mommy now, and we did:)  Got home and wham, a lovely NOT notice......... a money thing I thought was being handled a different way.  I checked it out.  Got ticked.   I'm NOT shutting down, I'm fighting this stuff.   I have 1.5 years left of M in this school, we've made it this far, we WILL make it, and I will be sure that we do:)   It was like a smack in my face, just glad it triggered me the oomph, way.  Besides, I was rested from Thursday, lol.  

It's still a lot.   Even Meals on Wheels, which I've recontacted, had a 2 page detailed application form, all his financial information (they charge on sliding scale but also take food stamps), which I faxed in and yet still -- NO word from them.  This particular group is apparently the one assigned to my dad's neighborhood, so?!  I first called them 2 weeks ago, after being referred to them by two other VERY nice Meals on Wheels in the area here.  She talked with me briefly, and said she'd call back that morning or by the end of the day, and hasn't.   One MoW charges $29./week, not sure of the other.   I'm told that many of them don't charge a thing, a friend is shocked that any do charge.   I imagine they are run individually.   Working on other things for him, also, piece by piece, step by step, just cannot all at once.  Oh, and his mortgage, sheesz, they're trying to say it's not over 3 times/ month what it was originally, which makes it a few hundred MORE than he even brings home a month!   That's just outrageous.   And, even the almost twice more he thought was due, he made the check out but with the 37 cent stamp.   Now I have 39 cent stamps cuz I actually remembered to buy them:)   Real pretty, snowflakes on them.  Need to mail mine, too, cuz, sigh, didn't have the stamps.

Working with school about new financial arrangements there, too, working other things.   Step by step.   Wish I had more time at HOME, too:)

Ah, but yes, back to normal, having my child sleeping on her pillow, warm under blankets and her dog, sometimes hard to wake up:)   This a.m. she asked for chai tea.   It works for us, and the lighter dosage of caffeine helps us focus and wake up, Oregon's Own? I think? makes a sugarfree version so I'm not overlyhyped with sugar, cuz I like the Westsoy Vanilla Soy Shake milk (M's is sometimes the soy, sometimes regular milk, whichever, lol).  M gets her calcium.   Sometimes she's liked warm applesauce, or even oatmeal, some years hot chocolate, today, she asked for chai tea (latte). :)  

Two nights ago, she could not stop the dancing, even while getting ready for bed, she was doing her figures dance, well, one of them.   We did watch t.v., a PBS special on the evolution of dogs with DNA discussion, etc., mostly we're not.   Talking of Christmas present ideas, fun to create.   Homework.   She's on top of her homework, yeah, with one exception.  Oh, forgot her algebra book Tuesday night oy, all ready to do it and upset with herself.   I didn't get upset with her, suggested she get to school early and talk with Mr. L about it, that she'd just do 30 problems the next night (usually 15/night of their chosing).   She did get 8 done at school, and told the teacher.   He was fine with it, saying she was ahead, anyway, so only do 15, not 30, and she'd still be ahead 1-2 lessons worth.  Cool:)   Reading her books (Silent Spring and final parts of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn sheesz, isn't it time to be done thaht one, oh, it's long okay).   They blew up stuff the other day, lol.   Diet Coke and Mentos, measuring it all.  M's group's went up 7 feet tall, the highest of the class.

M showed off Chance to me.  He's the new horse at the barn, which the Director told me she'd bought with M in mind.  Yes, M's sad news the other day is that Fancie is / will be sold.   She was being retired, anyway, so at least she's been sold to people we know.   The daughter is sometimes friends with M (the girl has some issues), and the father isn't excited to ride in the cold, so invited M to come over "anytime" to ride, not that "anytime" really works, but M was happy with it.   The Director told me that she told C that M is really becoming quite a good rider now, that she encouraged him to watch her riding, and provide more financial support (he left his e-mail).   I'm glad he got to watch her a few minutes that day, and I've told him to feel free to come watch her ride, also, so this is good.   Maybe, just maybe he'll be more comfortable supporting M with riding, as well as the Irish stepdancing (albeit that could be more b/c of Si, I'm not sure, but hey).   M and other girls were talking about the upcoming school horse show, which M still needs to ask her dad about, and would need to borrow a jacket for (no money for one even with her tack shop gift certificate she has yet to spend from last year).  M has a team ready for the no date yet Orienteering, too:)   She's so happy at the barn.   There and dancing, constantly dancing.

Oircheatas is this weekend, a lot of planning for that, which I think deserves its own entry.  

Life isn't so easy right now, but, I'm working on it to make it better and, well, stay working:)   Oh, and kiss-upmanager was told by my boss to chill out, telling me he'd "talk her off the cliff," lol.   We're all fine.  I stayed diplomatic, teamwork, etc.  

I have some (work) classes and a new software to play with.   Visio is fun:)  Not actually new, and I've had it on my work pc for a while, but never got to play with it before and I figured most of it out even.   

And, funny moments, Billy eyeing me in the bathroom, then jumping on the sink to capture his intended "prey" (an item of mine), and run off with it in his mouth while I take chase.   I kept calling him Ziggy lately.   A white cat with one blue eye and one green eye, like Billy, was a stowaway for 17 days IIRC?, landing in a new country.   David Bowie has one blue eye and one green eye, so the scared cat was named after Ziggy Stardust.

Chaos of good and bad, and I refuse to let the bad overwhelming stuff get me / keep me down.  Enjoying my daughter and life,and will stay hammering out the rest of it.....   :)


  1. One day at a time Robin.  Only so much can be done in one day while still taking care of ourselves.  I know it is a lot just by myself.  If I hade Eric with me fulltime I don't know if I could handle it all.  Take care of yourself.  ~  Mike

  2. Your world is a busy one, don't forget to take time to exhale.  I am enjoying reading your thoughts.  I'll be back.--Sheria

  3. I am glad that M is home!!!  The cat sounds cool...we just go us a stray!  it snowed like crazy here so it is in a cage in the house...I have to let it out to to the potty soon...Last time i couldn't catch it is about 12 weeks old maybe less...Have a good week! TerryANn

  4. Thanks for the e-mails and comments.   Just thought I'd add that I did make myself go to a GOOD ceili last Sunday.   Oh, I missed the first set (1/3 of it), working at my father's beforehand, but my two favorite dancers had saved dances "just in case" and it was a lot of fun.   I had a TON to do, and was on a roll, but learning I need that balance.    And, more calls today re: food, et al for my father.   -- Robin