Summary of what's written below (written later, see, just had to get this out of my head first, lol, so skip the rest if desired):
The following is the longer version I wrote earlier!
I so agree that a person needs to have some sense of balance in her life, a bit of time for herself (or himself as the case may be). Sometimes, for me, that doesn't mean going out, it means getting to stay in:) Heck, a couple downtime moments in the day writing in here helps, where I vent, get things out of my mind so I'm not bogged down with them.
A friend of mine called me this morning, canceling out tonight's plans. I was so glad, lol, I did not really wish to accompany her to her aunts house party where this woman would be selling food, not quite like Tupperware, but sounded close enough. Oh, I'd not be pressured, just please be the guest, she gets points for the number of people who show. On a Friday night. I'd canceled on this friend twice recently, so I felt obligated, and she'd asked me about it while I was driving M to rehearsal, spacing and not meshing calendar dates that duh, M has a big gig tonight (Friday), and I wasn't actually free for plans.
Yep, Tuesday night, I was too worn out still from the weekend, told this same friend that I would not leave her stranded or going solo, yet we both agreed, we didn't wish to attend a concert of some band she knows, after all. Good thing -- it was a $20. cover which is not money I want to spend in this manner when it's so tight. Hanging out with some of the friends I allude to in my other entry was an option after dancing on Tuesday, too. Too worn out to move, I thought of going, I smiled to think of it. I will again, and do usually dance at least twice a month, go out at least once. Tuesday, I needed to do nothing.
M has/had a really big gig tonight -- in a professional sport stadium and she'd really wanted to go. Sh had said a couple weeks ago that M wouldn't be attending. I talked with teacher Ma today -- seems Sh didn't have a "real" reason just was saying that Sh didn't think C could get off work early enough to go. Ma told me that Ma told Sh that most mom's just go w/out their husbands, then. I think the change their (Sh/C) minds kicker is that Si is now maybe being asked to dance, too, with another new wee dancer who is adorable and good. So last week, the dances were all reworked to cover for M not being there. We went to rehearsal last night, anyway, but M worn out from the week I suppose, fell asleep enroute, and woke up all wrong that carsick sleep sick crap. She didn't feel capable of moving out of the car even. I talked w/ them inside, I guess not fully comprehending that it means M will remain not in the dance/set list, then, if she can't rehearse. Fair rule. Just didn't know / remember it. What I thought I was hearing last night, I know the coordinator said this, that a day beforehand is too late notice, and they still hadn't heard a commital from Sh/C as to M's attendance Friday/tonight. On Wednesday, M'd been told by Sh (or C?) to bring her dance school dress "just in case," and so I sent it on in.
(I was allowed to help her bring items in today, lol, as she'd "found my new glasses" and I otherwise was deemed to look acceptable.) Forgot the needed bobbypins, so I brought them to add to M's things during her lunch break, not realizing the timing was when they were in their "amazing race!" and I saw them whizzing by:) smiles on most of their faces, at least M's. Nice break in the day, left a note at the barn about Sunday's show, too. M signed herself up but we'll see.)
Call from C to me, "dance school says M is sick?" I told him about it, had sent dress, etc., "Good," he says. Hours? later, I see it after lunch, he writes back "as you know, she's not dancing" yadda yadda "so we're not dragging her dress around" or similar wording. Um, no, I did not know. Nicely, Ma and the troupe coordinator both contacted me (after both talked w/ Sh and maybe C at least once each), to also let ME know that M is out of the set list as she'd missed rehearsal, very nicely said and explained and I do understand that, both concerned if M knows. Heck if I know if M knows, she was waiting for weeks to just be told one way or the other, so sigh, she'll likely get there, watch it all going on, and see her little sister dancing (which is something I think M and well as I, do support), but, her not able to. How disappointing. The coordinator said to have M still bring her dress maybe, but she'd have to call Sh about doing that. JUST in case, if she'll be there anyway, if someone else is sick (one girl is, another hurt her ankle, all three out).
So I'm not driving to this stadium, finding parking and paying the small entry fee. The charity gig last weekend canceled, I wasn't missing this show of M's, except now M's not in it. Have to laugh, though, M will now have 2 pairs of jeans, long comfy pants and capris there (from my house), plus new WARM riding gloves, so she'll be warm anyway! :) She wasn't sure how to layer today (and 1 pair of jeans hasn't returned home yet, they will just not yet.)
Sometimes, just staying in, reading, catching up on a show or something, is recharging for me, and I need that. Tonight, I need that, so this is good for me, sad for M.
And, sometimes, ya gotta dance! I will hopefully get to two ceili's this weekend, a third is a conflict. The one would have been great for M, also, a friend has a nice heated barn-like building with a great floor, a handful of kids, and it's a family-oriented audience. In theory, I'm to dress up in a costume. Finding THIS MORNING M's orange pumpkin shirts, I MIGHT wear that. (I sent along her one bought last year but not worn, with some accessories. Ifound a nice wand and wings,too, that she can use on Tuesday, and she picked out some fun cheap pretty dangling earrings that is her bonus for finding my eyeglasses finally they are found phew.)
The other ceili is more adult. I am hearing, also with costumes oy. Did I not make this one last year or something? I love the idea of dressing up in costumes, just I do NOT like celebrating or honoring Halloween. Ah, well, I will get to dance:) Mostly with me. And, yes mingle, socialize. I go for the dancing, and get in some socializing; some go for the socializing and might do some dancing. There's a potluck, good food. I'll have spent hours with my father, or, um, watching M's horse show gosh if she's able to attend......... afraid to speak up to her dad or Sh and ask, M said twice this week that she hates asking them anything, discreetly having the program in her backpack on top of things they'd see, had me send her "costume" for it, with gear in her locker.
Yawn, besides, isn't the next Cardinals game on tonight?! :) That'd be a fun game in person! hehe Rainy and grey here, 45 degrees F. One glass of wine or beer perhaps, Amish market fresh food for dinner. Snuggle under blankets.
I do need to get out some, mingle with adults. It's easiest to socialize and talk with the other parents, those M rides with perhaps, those M dances with, or goes to school with. We see them all the time, heck, half of last weekend we spent with others from the dance school. Ma laughed that she sees us parents some weeks more often than she sees her own boyfriend:) Some we'll enjoy staying in touch with even after whatever year M drops out, too. Friends of my own? Yep, have them, too, will see some this weekend. Just not tonight thank the Lord! Oh, and an extra hour this weekend, too:) Could have used it last weekend.
Sorry this is longwinded again. If I wasn't tired, if I had time, I'd cut out about 2/3 of this! I want a nap.