Tuesday, February 27, 2007

just another part of the day (ADD)

Certain aspects seem to permeate our lives, M's life and my life.  Dancing seems an obvious aspect right now.  We're heavily into the St. Patrick's SEASON by now, with Irish dance class or rehearsal or gig for one of us almost daily, and it has been, too.   Some would argue that dancing IS life:)  Someday, I'll get around to blogging that topic (my "slushpile" as AOL Journals Editor Joe would say). 
Another aspect is the ADHD / ADD element.  The three people I deal with the most closely, M, Boss, and me, all have this (albeit boss may have ADHD).  My father may have elements of it himself, combined with his dementia.   I worry sometimes, how bad off will I be when I'm older?  (ADD/ADHD seems to mimic early dementia, IMHO.)
M calls me after school to let me know she's been offered to ride (a horse, likely Chance) up at "the" barn, and what timeframe.   We confirm when I'll be there to pick her up, and M asks me, "Is that still time enough to get to Youth Group?"  It is.  "Oh, I don't know if I want to go tonight......." as she has plans whirling in her head.   "We can talk about this later, honey, what homework you have tonight, everything."  "Oh, homework."  There is panic in M's voice.  "I left all my homework [in the classroom at school]."  I pause.  "Oh, wait, I can get in."  I don't ask, but I know BarnAssistant has a key to M's classroom.   I worry how M will do in high school.  We have to get M re-organized, or better organized again before then.  Or, on medications. 
This is not completely unusual.  I realize now that she's not back into the school routine yet, having been on her class trip last week and iced out of classes most of the previous week.   Her class trip where she spent the night before the trip there at school, in the classroom, finalizing plans and details, yet somehow forgot two notebooks and her school journal.   Her luggage packed in a very organized manner, including a list she created and had me review.   She left her rings at home, so they'd not be forgotten on a random sink when she went to wash her hands, as she's apt to do.
This morning worked, but not as smoothly as we'd have liked.   I relent and make M her lunch as Her Sleepiness is moving fast at this point yet won't make everything on time if I don't pack something for her other than riding pants and the jacket I re-wash so that it can be re-dried with three tennis balls to fluff it evenly, that she decides is too heavy for today's warming weather.  "Orange or banana?"  "For what?  Oh, orange."  "Just throw in something microwaveable."   "Wait, what'd you pack me?"  M peeks into the bag, we finish up banging into each other, M gives Daisy an appreciated treat, and we're off "okay."  In the car, "M, you didn't show me what photos you want from your camera.  I can't get them developed by tomorrow if you don't tell me which ones."  Last night on the car ride and otherwise, M told me how she "needs" to have photos developed by Wednesday.  Just neither of us got it written down to prompt us so she could review them with me.  I declined "developing" out well over 100 digital shots, even if I told her how much I liked a couple specific ones.
I entirely forgot, almost every day, I'm misplacing the dustpan.   I have pets, it's almost springtime (read shedding).  I'm sweeping up the carpet and floors regularly, along with laundry, et al.  I do have set places for my eyeglasses to go, when it's a routine thing, such as bedtime, or shower time.  Even if daggone it, they are awfully hard to see when I'm not wearing them.  Me is used to me asking her to PLEASE help me find my glasses.  She knows my routine places, too:)  It's when I stop to, say, change a sweater, or put on more moisturizer, something not so routine, when I happen to place them wherever they get placed, sometimes dropping from that spot.....  Yet, the dustpan can be put almost anywhere while I'm in the middle of sweeping.   This is just part of my life, though.   I have backup really ugly 15 year old glasses I COULD wear, if critical (ack).  Backup plans are always good. 
We don't normally have dance daily (or, nightly), so tonight may be our downtime night.  Oh, wait, *I* may need to go to mine, lol.   Anyway, maybe the scrapbook store, and the photo store, M in a nice long shower as somehow it takes that long, and homework.   I know she'll have math due tomorrow, we talked of it last night.    
Boss and I have some "behavioral" tricks we use to help each other during the work day.  M and I do, also, but she's still developing them.   She also didn't have homework before this year.  She's struggling, not with the difficulty of it as that's not the issue.  The difficulty of homework is handling it, staying on top of it all.   Her report card mentioned her doing well in this area, but, yet at times, it can take forever for her to complete one assignment, longer than it takes others.   This is typical, too.  So, maybe it's time for a re-look, back in a good groove again.
Boss and I talked about medication for our kids.   One of his two girls has ADD/ADHD (I forget which).   I wish to wait until M's grown more fully, until otherwise without it, her life would be too much of a struggle, or if she'd become miserable without it.  He's had similar conversations with his wife.  
Ah, but more on THOSE thoughts later:)   Multitasking yet, by now, I need to run and pick up M.   I almost forgot to stay checking the clock, too.  (It'd be funny, except, I'm serious.  Nicely, if I were to be late, she's fine at the barn, but I prefer to be there when I tell her I will be, yanno?) 
(Just one quick addition -- I do sometimes wonder how the heck I'm to help handle my father's life, when I'm struggling so to stay on top of my own, and M's.)
UPDATE:  BTW, I have NEVER forgotten to pick up M, nor do I tend to be late getting her (and never seriously late, either, other than just a couple behind bad accidents / weather deals in her life).   I'm sometimes even, gasp, early:) 
So, I arrive at "the" barn, get her UGH THIS IS SO HEAVY backpack and light jacket and oh, class photos came!   They look great!   Scrounge to see what food she's left in the backseat I can scarf.   I'm fine waiting.   Sometimes, I need M to come close to when I'm there, so we can race off to her dance or other activity.   Nicely, last night was warm weather, we had an hour before youth group IF she decided to go, been a while since she could just hang there, enjoying.  About 1/2 hour later, I go to call M, and, lol, I'veleft my cell phone, forgotten it.  (This a.m., I get her text to me as to her specific location there.) 
Driving home, we talk of many things, including what homework she has.  I like to ask her earlier in the evening so she (and I) can get a plan as to when she'll do what aspects of it.   Boss says it helps his daughter if they help her break it up into portions.   Yes, that helps, too.   M tells me that she needs to finish journaling and copy her journaling from the New York City trip, into her school journal notebook she'd forgotten to bring.  We talk about just what specifically she needs with the photos she took, ok, camera is at homem, anyway, and I'd like to get Daisy walked, so we'll head there.
Then, I've learned, I will review back to M what she's said to me, and also ask about all her other subjects.   "Math?"  "Oh, yeah, it's in here."  "Spanish?"  Basically, she has one sentence left to translate.   M completed the rest of her Spanish homework on Monday (yeah!), and had done about half of her math already (yeah!).   I'm feeling proud:)
At home, I suggest that M copy over the phone # she'd written on her arm before it wears/washes off.  "Oh, that?"   "That's not a phone #, that's my homework list."
Well, she at least knew enough that she needed to write it down.  Somehow still forgetting some of it in her classroom yesterday instead of bringing it with her (perhaps she should pack it BEFORE she does her end of the day duties, sometimes in other parts of the school, hmmmm).  
M has a school planner I had her pick out.  No point getting her one that she didn't feel would work for her.   Sometimes, she uses it.   Sometimes, I'll see strips of paper with notes on it.   I tend to do that at work, too.   Boss says he's learned that he works better with one main place to write things down on.   My experience is similar.   Just it's hard to always STAY doing that, so little notes in between tend to be "normal."   So M wrote on her hand.  Not ideal, but, at least that part worked out, and, all done by evening, too!

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  1. My son is the same when it comes to needing to get better organized for high school...guess after trying to make us so proud during grade school..they get tired...LOL..have a good nght!  TerryANn

  2. How can you forget which child has adhd? :D
    Too many children are diagnosed as having this "new" disorder...but also too many children are much too full of energy for most people. It might be that they are just children in need of physical activities, a lot, rather than being able to sit down all day with intellectual stuff. Our societies are not all made for children who prefer being physical and active. perhaps medications should just be thought as a last resort.