Monday, August 14, 2006

She didn't want to go............

She didn't want to go, she told me "I just want to go home."   We were driving back from the Delaware Feis, from Wilmington, Delaware.  

M really wanted to go to this feis (did well, btw! :) was happy about it I think, tho some of her friends did REALLY well, so she knows she has work to do, but enjoyed it).    C wrote me, yeah upset on principle I suppose, didn't write until Saturday night, but included mention that he did know of it before I wrote him (yeah, I was fairly certain he did).   But, by Saturday a.m., I was worried if he didn't respond, does that mean he'll pretend he didn't get it, to raise a stink Sunday, try to claim contempt of court or something?   

I had M call his mother, who lives in Delaware.   She was working Sunday, possibly just as well b/c she can get / act "political" but is sometimes real good, too.  Anyway, C's dad claimed that he didn't know of M's events so hadn't gone previously, so how come M/I were surprised that C never told his mother that M was going to be competing / dancing RIGHT NEAR HER?   Shaking my head!   So M talked w/ that grandmother a bit, and got C's sister's #.   One of C's sisters lives in? Newark apparently, tho I don't have the address.  Heck, I used to ask specifically for her married last name (for their wedding gift I was trying to get, when M was 2 months old, but that's another story/entry).   Asked later, nope, no address, no phone #, no last name, C downright REFUSED.  Okay, whatever.  Like he refuses to give me Sh's dad's address and #, except M's spent overnight there twice out of state (it's in Va.), so HE is in contempt of court twice for not providing that.   Anyway, this paternal grandmother gave M the sister's #, and cell #.   M called them, and M's aunt was like, um, yes, we're 10 minutes away from that high school, asked for a lot of the details and it sounded as if M's cousins would be able to come see M for a bit:)   I was REALLY happy for M on that one:)   She has only spent 1 day w/ them all summer so far.   I was talking with M's uncle (C's sister's husband) about M and her 2 cousins, and how they usually do get together each summer, and he mentioned that they'd really hoped to get them all together this year /summer but it just hasn't worked out.   He said it in such a way, I knew that M wasn't going to see them the rest of the summer, either.   I wonder why, really, why wouldn't C send M up there for a long weekend or whatever, unless she's in some camp this week, or they all go up, or??   Eh, but still.   So I'm extra glad it was close by them, and, as a lovely side effect, oh this is neat really, getting C's sister involved, means he can't truly bitch as much himself.   I did this for M, but it does rather help the general cause (of M attending the feis and being a couple hours late to C, with the required notice of course, but).  It's 10 minutes from their home, and the older girl, 10 years old so younger than M, may even go to that high school.

The whole family came, C's sister, her husband who was real nice, and the two girls, really great that they did, for about 2 hours which is still a long time for waiting at a feis, they peeked on M's first score, a SECOND PLACE! out of about 22-24? girls, so that's really great, and tho we usually hold off on telling scores, they decided to tell M, anyway, "to motive her."  The mom was a bit apologetic about that, she wouldn't have told M b/c that's how M and I deal with it, not saying until they're all in, but hey, I understand.  I'm glad the girls could share in that moment with M.  M's aunt said a couple times to M, that she was glad that M called her about it, and seemed to truly have meant it:)

I had to push M along, race her out of there........   she so wanted to watch V dancing.   M was literally pleading with me to let her watch V, and do some other things.   As did I, frankly, and V likely was dancing her ONE big dance, about the time we were heading to leave.   We did have to wait for M's final score, her prizewinner dance:) that she did decently in, but I knew (and she knew) she wouldn't place, and she didn't, and that's okay.   She DID get two second's in Novice levels, and one fourth place in Novice:)   It was really a nice feis, including the scores being posted rather quickly, and trophies already engraved (sans the child's name and the particular dance), the fourth place a medal already w/ a ribbon.   She wanted to look more intently at some of the vendors.   Had to be the obligatory t-shirt with name starred on it, with the feis symbol. She DID get a $2. anklet, with four green beads, for wishing on:)   She put that on enroute back...... making a wish.  Getting wistful there in the truck......

I thought, wow, 2 hours 10 minutes up (including turning into the cemetary near the school lol), and we were leaving around 3:30, great, back around 5:30.   In all of her excitement in trying on various solodresses, which she and friends did throughout the feis, ha, but I will call one dancer's # about one dress......... M left her purse, and cell phone and wallet and id.   I admit, I did fuss at M for that, I was worried and anxious about finding it and getting back, etc.   Why I let C effect me so, I don't know.   M had no idea where her purse was, and 90% of our time there, I had kept it with me, but nicely, it was findable almost right away:)   Okay, 15 minutes later, back on the road, C called me saying he'd also called M on her cell (when it was lost, and, hmmm, he can call her, but yet takes away her cell?), and M said she needed to call her aunt with the final info on how she did, and wanted to call Grandma (my mom), who'd called M early a.m. and me later on........    traffic.   Damn.   Then I thought, oy, C used to call, running hours late b/c of summer beach traffic back from Delaware..........   now I'm thinking maybe he made up some of it, tho I'm sure it exists at times.   It was bad for 1/2 hour (to go 4.5 miles), then after construction and the toll booth, free, clear!, and then not good at another spot.   But, I was anxious then.......   I shouldn't be.   But, BIG BREATHE, he still does that to me....

M had been supported by her friends, their parents (and we supported THEM! I so like that it's a positive thing with this dance school, mostly), even by a girl who often competed in thee same dances as M.   Except the one M's a prizewinner for, that girl was in novice, but got 1st:)   It all works out.   And the day before, dancing and other things at the schools open house.   (Oh, C and Sh and Si were there, sometimes literally monopolizing M, but I just didn't get worried about it, like inviting C's relatives to M's show, it's just the right thing for M, for her to spend time with everyone when it works out, monopolizing, no, but her going readily between or whatever, sure.   Two hours, though, UGH, lol, and I gave Sh a pair of M's former SMALL yikes we still had a size small? pair of bubble socks, that'll STILL be too big for Si.   Yes, Si is now signed up for stepdance classes this coming year.   She seems to really like it, but I wonder what C really thinks.  He used to complain that I'm forcing M, that it's MY thing, b/c I'm part Irish.   I don't know that Sh has any Irish in her, to pass along to Si, and C is mostly Danish (and boy does his sister look like him, wow, hadn't sene her literally in decades, just, um, decent skin and not all dried out in the sun all day at work every day look, his isn't horrible mind, but there is definitely a difference in her skin and his).    C has spent plenty of time bitching and moaning about M and dance classes, heaven forbid it be on "his" time, etc.   So, this past year is progression towards supporting M! (even if not "there" yet).

Anyway, M went from being positive, feeling good about herself, enjoying her time there, even wrote an acrostic poem about a feis, and other things (had tried to do summer homework but didn't have the instructions, just everything else), positive support to and from family and friends, to racing back, having to depart earlier than she wanted, and then after riding for a bit, getting more sullen.   I did promise her that if she wants to go to the Delaware Feis again, that it's a nice feis, and whomever she goes with, just have it arranged that she can stay as long as she wants, see her friends dance, enjoy looking at the vendors items (different vendors than what we see more locally).

"I just want to go home, Mom."   She didn't want to go to C's.   M said she felt like she'd spent too little time at home this past week, echoing some of the things I'd commented on earlier in here.  We talked for a bit about the things she did, and she was glad to have done them, just wanted more time at home.  Heck, squeezing those things in was a challenge.   She wanted to go HOME.   When we passed by the exit I take to get to our place, she spoke up again.   "I won't be upset if you take that."  "I know, honey."  "It's for a whole week again?"   "Yes, but maybe you'll do something fun.   Do you know yet what you might do?"   Well, no, she didn't.   "It might be "secret destination" week."   "Oh, that could be fun, honey."  Thinking, oh, lovely, vacation to an unnamed place, she's 12, clue her in and let her get excited, or, wow, maybe I'd gasp actually know what M might be doing.   I've gotten no e-mails from C yet, though, so guess no away week, tho perhaps a nice weekend away.   When I called C, at one point I just passed the phone to M, so they could talk, but he instead put on Si, and Si was just chatting away, lol, she'd cleaned out a canoe, etc.   It was as if he didn't really care how M did, oh, he asked, but not details or anything, as if one sentences worth.   He didn't seem to have even asked if his sister came, cuz it seemed like new information when we got to his place later (he did say "Good." when I told him).

M was getting more upset, and more quiet, as we got closer to the "city" where C lives.   He had suggested meeting 6pm my place, and then 6pm next week to be equal (I'd suggested that the times go ahead and be the same, not that I was required to, but figured what the heck).   I didn't know that we'd make that, with the cell phone/purse panic, and the traffic, and just suggested I take M to his place, somewhat enroute not entirely but, eh.  She did fall asleep.

I stopped in his neighborhood, before getting to his place, which woke up M (my point).  We talked a few moments, hugged her a couple times, told her she's a very special girl:)  

We'd even got a call while driving from another parent, asking us to join them for dinner but they'd stayed longer at the feis and so not workable, so, raindate.  That girl did FANTASTIC, "her dad will have to build her a new shelf for her trophies," very unsnobby people, I'd specifically inquired after first asking if the girl felt good about how she did.   M was happy for her, but I'm thinking, yanno, I need to get HER a shelf now, too, since she's moved from ribbons to trophies:)   They were happy for M, too.

So I reminded M how special she was, not even related to the dancing tho I am proud.  M asked if we could stay there a little longer....... she didn't want to go to C's and just wanted a couple more minutes with me first.  I told her that whatever time she got there tonight, is the time I get to see her again next week, and she is eager to return home, so she then was okay with moving along.   And C called again right then, huh, he's the one who said, "Oh, that'll take you a while, then," earlier.   He will call and call if he wants you, but ignore you completely if he doesn't wish for the contact.   I didn't even say hello, but, "We're in your neighborhood, on your street."  

I pulled up, and C was outside, as if perhaps pacing, but I don't know that, just gave that image in his body language and facial expression.   I had asked M if she wanted to show her trophies to Si (or anyone), and M said emphatically, NO.  Um, okay, whatever, honey.   We got out, sans trophies/ribbon:)   Some small talk and then C said they were going to go canoeing that night.   Meg, almost as if just trying to be polite, I'm not sure, nodded a bit and said, "Oh, cool."   "Yeah, but it's a bit late now.  It's too late to go now, you can thank your mother for that.  She'll have to owe you one."  

M didn't say anything, and either did I.   I'm not sure either of us knew quite what to make of it.  I was so tired, plus the driving, and up since 5, I'm thinking, "Huh?"  Oh, I wish I'd said something.   I should have.  Not too mean, but maybe just a positive, "Well, now you have next Sunday." or something.   He knew of this feis, before I wrote him even,  he even wrote to me in his e-mail that he had almost thought of making plans for Sunday afternoon, which means he hadn't made plans.   This was HER choice of an activity, not mine.   They'll have next Sunday, and all week.   He's not "out time."   And, besides, I live half hour from him -- if he'd gotten her at 6:00 p.m. at my place, he so would have been back to his place until 6:30 p.m.   I had her to his place at 6:30 p.m., so what's the difference?   (Oh, he asked "what time is it, anyway" and checked his watch).

I did give her a hug and kiss, perhaps even twice.   He mentioned that dinner is getting ready inside (so, when would have canoeing even have been?).   As they walked towards the house, he did say to M, "So, what, no trophies, no prizemoney?"   I did a bit of a laugh, and said something like, now prizemoney would be nice.  

Gosh, I love her and want her happy.   He puts her down like that, I don't even know if she'd like canoeing but don't make her go chosing.   She CHOSE the feis, she did NOT want to go and be with C and at their home there.   My mom says he's taking it out on her now :(   And, that he will reap what he sows.   Yes, he is and will.   But, I just hate that she has to go through this in the meantime.    Be happy for her, be supportive, then say, "well, if youhad gotten back earlier, we might have gone canoeing, would you want to do that another time?"   I mean, sheesz. 

She didn't even want to go:(   Oh, I sure hope she's happy NOW, and all,  doing something enjoyable this week, but she just wanted to be HOME, her words.

1 comment:

  1. Another week!  UGH.  Seems like she was just with him.  :-(  Glad she did so well those at the feis.  C still amazes me and not in a good way.