Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Daffodils and Tradeoffs

I first noticed daffodils a couple days ago when Daisy ventured to an area near us that we don't always visit.  Since then, I've seen them all over the place!, from M's school, to along side the roads.  No wonder I love yellow:)   I see some pink starting, too, in some of the trees, and more bits of forsythia coloring the lawns.   So far, these pollens don't bother me, these are not my allergens.   The early joys of spring.
A real thunderstorm yesterday afternoon, also.  A heavy downfall, quick, intense, high winds thunderstorm.  M said she and others at The Barn were looking at the rainstorms "in stripes, there were real actual stripes," moving about the horizon.   "I'm going home to a wet house!," M said she told them.   "Did you tell them your mother was driving through this?"  Driving through and against it, I think.   Gone by the time we drove home, moments later, just the wet ground and cars remained.  
Doug called me last night.   I hadn't noticed until I heard my cell phone rining, smothered inside my purse, Dad calling me for Doug's number.  Uh-huh, what's going on?   Ah, nothing bad.   They'd talked earlier and got cut off.   Doug and I have both moved on to the next best idea for Dad, both of us thinking that if he sells his current home, and then moves into a place, that'd be best.  I prefer to have it fixed up some first, and Doug's not that patient, but at least he's not dropping his concern and attention.   Various ideas about the furniture, and senior homes, and how to's, yeah, he's just now collecting information, that I've tried ages ago, and I tell him I'd like to do this, but with only me interested, it hasn't worked, so I'm glad he's feeling (mostly) the same.   I know a few realtors, so guess I'm to contact them as he was thinking of contacting some "ugly house for sale" type of place, get whatever we can.   Um, it's not THAT bad off........
This whole thing seems to have upset Doug, which ultimately, is good.   He said he's tempted to just walk away, he can't do this again, and in the same conversation, he said more than once that he knows he needs to stop by Dad's more often.   He knows a bit of how much I'm doing (and, this past week,listening to me, too).  He makes a point to tell me how much Dad appreciates Meals on Wheels, good food and two meals a day just not enough fruit and juices, lol, yes, that's our dad, loves his citrus (so I tell Doug how they were late twice last week, and how Dad remembers the waiting but not that they did endup coming).   Somehow, he'd not realized Dad even HAD Meals on Wheels until last week, or, didn't remember.
The idea of Dad living with either of us had us talking about our respective dogs, and then Dad's laundry.   Hey, that IS a logical train of thought, really.  I read something yesterday about paranoia developing in some patients with dementia, and I was reminded of how dad was starting to get with his laundry, fearful he'd not see it again.   I felt it a victory to have two loads of his clothing I think I'll wash a third time just because.  Doug says he had bought for Dad some warmer tops last year for Dad's (May!) birthday (sweatshirts or similar, I forget specifically).   That would help ME so much, as it'd let Dad feel he didn't have to hold onto one specific warm top, so, in theory, Doug will bring those to Dad as an early birthday present this year.  
It IS a gift to have family to spend time on, focus on.   The burden is in all the issues, and all the time required sometimes immediately, that can be involved.   I can see Doug wrestling with all of this.   He tells me that he supposes it's a trade off, me being there often and doing all these other things, taking Dad to the grocery store (or, bringing him the things), and him coming in with the larger assistance for the larger crisis things.   Wonder if Doug still thinks that Dad carries his own trash down, etc., whatever.  Yeah, it has worked.   Doug pays the phone bill, I pay Meals on Wheels, and, I told Doug, I know I'm inheriting that boy Dad has started sponsoring.  "Why is he doing THAT???!!!!"   "I think he's lonely."  Doug takes that in.  A lot of other things here and there.  So, perhaps not as well as it likely could, I do know that. 
And M asks me a "math" question this morning, one she came up with after I'd gone to sleep.   She was trying to graph the hours of daylight over a year, believing that Daylight Savings Time brings about an additional hour of daylight, and trying to show when that occurs, combined with the seasonal shift.   What a good marketing job they've done, if she doesn't realize until I explain it, that the hours of daylight remain the same, no matter what time we refer to it as.   Just the seasonal shift, and, she recalls how the differences are more marked for those living near poles.   Today, she's teaching the Spanish class.   They are taking turns.   M spent time on her lesson plan last night, then switched it all about, oh, I like her latestidea:)   Monday, she HAD to get on the computer, rewrite her "What I Believe Essay," which had been due Monday, but, being she didn't feel she could ask C to call me and have me e-mail the electronic version of her rough-draft (nor letting her even know I"d called her, never mind having her return my call), Mo apparently gave M a reluctant extension.   I love hearing M thinking through her lesson plan for Spanish.:)   I hate the last minute urgent stuff, rearranging what I'd planned for us Monday night.  But, she's SUCH a gift, I SO want to be the one there for her and with her.  
I'm a sandwich generation.   I'm not alone, thousands are in the sandwich, caring for parents and children at the same time.   A lot of this I've done primarily single-handedly.  Not fully.  My mother/Bob have always helped with M, and her dad is more involved now, and Doug is around once in a while in regards to my father.  But.  The day to day, the name of M's friend who loves Reese's pieces (and gets them from M whenever she has that yogurt that comes with them), and Dad's dogwalking neighbor who used to bring up the newspaper, I KNOW these people, not just their names.  I'm the one there for M, all the time; I'm the one there for my father, most of the time.  
I'd love to just take Dad up to his favorite used book store, maybe one day while M's on spring break, as she loves a good book store as much as I do, and Dad does, oh wait.   Dad'll need a bath first, beard trimmed, too.  Need to run him some bottled water today until his water's back on.  Still.   I suppose, we're still all family, and we all just do what we can, including a littlebit of enjoyment in life while we're at it.   Like the bit of sunshine on earth found in a daffodil, and rearranging the game show version of a Spanish lesson plan. :)


    (sorry for the capitals)

  2. I am glad Doug is helping now & understanding better.  It will help him as a person in the long run also.  Funny because when I started taking care of dad, so many people said: You are an only child, so you have to do it all yourself.....but the other families I know in this situation, it is usually one child providing 98% no matter how many sib's they have.  Someone wrote an article on that; I saw it at the nursing home called : Excuse Children.  I am glad for you & your dad that you brother didn't turn out that way in the end :-).  ~Mary

  3. I do hope things will work out well.

  4. Mmm I miss the fragrance of a thunderstorm... smell of the ozone, the fresh rain upon pavement, wet Earth encouraging new growth. Had some thundersnow this winter... so disconcerting for me when things gt out of whack, as if even nature has lost its reliability. Like a gizmo out of warrenty I'm unsure what to do when something as predictable as thunder in spring/summer and snow in winter doesn't fit. ADHD does that to my neural net sometimes and then I have to step back and reset.

    No daffodills here yet, just 6-9 inches of snow and cold. Dreaming of blooing daffy-drills as my daughter called them. And the dandy loinheads. Spring is knocking.

    Be well. Laugh often. Play hard.