Ever since I stopped wearing my claddagh earrings in January, I've gotten all sorts of dating advice, even from E, my dear dear male friend, whom I still adore all these years later as much as I try not to. (E is in a committed relationship, and I even like his girlfriend, it's fine, I don't drool in public, and we dance beautifully together at times, and, a good friend is good, too.) And, I've given dating advice, lol, yes, even to guys I've dated (if asked/seems appropriate, "exit interviews" can be informative).
After 2.5 years, ya think I was looking to dash desperately out into the vast sea of fish, so to speak? Heck no. I've never been desperate to date, anyway. Get a grip, we're complete human beings without mates, as much as there can be good happiness and loving relationships with mates, which I'm open to, I'd enjoy having even. I do like guys, after all. There is no requirement, however, to be mated up. Not even if one guest pastor told me to my face that I should switch churches as I WOULD be asked out (gee, thanks for assuming the spiritual needs of my daughter and myself, and, did he even ask me if I was dating at the time, cuz, I was, or if I wanted to date/marry, and, did he suggest this to the other single woman there (nope), who was not a parent, but single, and what if I was divorced and didn't believe in remarriage, he did not even ask me these things).
Long distance ultimately can (and has at times) screwed things up, yet, it has its benefits, too -- including the time factor. Then again, the right guy, one whom I can feel excited over, over time, somehow, the time makes itself:) (If I find myself struggling to fit in time with a guy, instead of naturally finding the time, I know he's not really for me.)
I'm open to it, try to keep my eyes open. But, not desperate.
E and other guys have talked with me about all of this a few times. Once was at a ceili in January (somehow, E noticed a new single guy for me, but not KuteGuy), and then later in a local gathering spot after class one night in, hmm, February? E's first home after separating and then divorcing, was in the townhouse of a guy who runs a local dating club. E made sure he was NOT around whenever meetings were held in the home, lol, hey, he likely wasn't ready to date even. Another guy met his wife at yet another local dating group, and a seemingly happy and, I believe, well-matched couple I never realized were on their second marriages, met via a dating club or online. I forget now. Pros and cons to these. I mostly wasn't so interested. I told them that my father used to be a member of Parents Without Partners, and I'm sure that they are a fine enough group (no matter how easy he thought the women were at the time, decades ago), I just couldn't, it was my DADs group, yanno. A couple girlfriends of mine are big into a Catholic dating club, which I see as more of a social club. I've been to some events not of the club, but had several attending FROM the club. (Where "R" is from, who declined to date me as he thinks I've been married before, and I figured screw'off, then, if he can't even find out, besides, he'd likely diss me for not being Catholic.) Once upon a time, I checked out a few online dating services, and talked with many friends about various ones. eHarmony is not for me -- there's a 400?? question questionnaire for just one thing, egads, I do not have patience to fill that out, and if I ever did, I'd NOT be a good match with anyone else who did. (I realize many are happy withthem, and, that is great for those people, I like more control, too, admittedly.) http://Plentyoffish.com is a good, free one, btw. I've tried them, got inundated, can't handle all of the e-mails, wish to respect that each person writing to me is a real person (tho the rude ones don't get a response or two guys and one woman guy got blocked by me, three total out of hundreds who'd written me). Had a few dates, chatted with some other neat guys, some far away some closer. It even has forums there that are decent and not too difficult to use. Still run out of a guys apartment all by himself, yet if I was to go back to an online dating site, it'd definitely be them. I just don't want inundation or dating to be a SEARCH. Not now, anyway.
E kept telling me, that all I need to do is show up (at one of these dating places/meetings). "You're attractive enough," he said a few times. Thanks, E, but I don't want just any guy. We were walking out of the restaurant/pub, when E tells me that, "There really are good guys out there, they're just probably hiding under the tables." "Yeah, me, too." "Well, just don't go hiding under the tables at the ceili on Sunday." Nah, I was all excited to dance that weekend, until it got snowed out.
I had a really great conversation with BJ last night, one of our best, and truly an important one. We knew each other for a long time before ever dating even. We'll always have a connection (red-headed angelic imp, just had to add that, hehe). And I remember, this is part of why I don't date around. I want a quality guy (i.e., BJ is a quality guy).
Even if it'd have been fun to run into "KuteGuy" yesterday at a pub ceili I'd planned to attend, his home turf. It's okay (I needed, for me even, to visit my dad yesterday, and talk with some others). Saw him at a big ceili recently, he on the complete other side of the room that somehow I never feel comfortable just going over and plopping myself down inserting into a group of already friends, but his group got a table there. So I did insert myself into a set being formed over that way, that KG was in. M tells me she doesn't think he's cute. "Well, he was cuter with his hat on." He could be seeing one of the young ladies, hmmm, hey, they would be cute together, or, Kute. Maybe he's best as an occasional dance buddy, and, that's okay. I can still look!
Apparently, as time goes on, my list of qualifications has altered. Not that I ever did NOT want a quality guy, of course. In addition, I want respect and honesty as non-negotiables (and, I will provide the same). I suppose I've always wanted them as well, finding over time how critical they are. I'm learning that even if I find no offense to being called a prude at times, I'm also not considered fully traditional. A friend and I have chatted about a potential guy for me, whom she's friends with. She reads my journal, knows a few things about me, anyway. I do like a guy with confidence. He has to accept that I have a child, and if he has any, he'd best be involved (if possible), nor speak disrespectfully about their mother. And, yet, the first thing I ask her isn't if he likes art, or outdoors stuff, if he's been divorced or just what, kids, religion, sense of humour, is he smart (intelligence can be so attractive to me, at times), his age, or if he likes dancing and music even. Nope, none of these do I ask her. I have to laugh, the first thing I ask her about this guy, is: "Is he an anal-type of [profession here], or laid back sufficiently? yeah, I have to ask:) lol "
I'm clean, my home is clean, I take care of myself (and 6 pets, a child, and, to some extent, my father). I crave neatness, but I have difficulty with it. Some [people with that profession] just have a brain that works in very logical, "anal," organized ways, which is fine, just SOME of them, can get too flustered if who they are partnered with, is not also like that. I've had guys embrace that aspect of me, and, I've had guys think that they like me, but if I'd just (a, b., or c, basically altering parts of me that I cann't change), I'd be good. I've cared deeply for a few with that profession, likely know more people in that profession than any other, and none can be stereotyped too specifically, so I won't list the profession and add to the stereotype. I am very detail-oriented, I love organization, my mind is in part very mathematically oriented (I love the patterns in some of the ceili/set dances, for example), and I very possibly could have been rather anal myself, if not for the ADD, and my enjoyment of creativity (albeit not finishing projects may be a touchon the ADD side of things).
Live and learn:) I'm okay being single. But, a few overturned leaves, um, tables, someone may find me, or me him. I'm not going to live my life as a hermit, and, I've not decided against this guy my friend is thinking of for me, either. Intriguing. But, I suppose how "anal-retentive" a guy is, IS one of my questions these days, lol.
Oh, and no whiners. That's never been appealing.
(Update: I realized later, I've never even asked her what this guy looks like, but he does have a nice name!)
You never know, Robin.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Guido! :o)
ReplyDeleteLisa
We were walking out of the restaurant/pub, when E tells me that, "There really are good guys out there, they're just probably hiding under the tables." "Yeah, me, too."
ReplyDeleteHmmm methinks if you hide under enough tables you might meet one of these guys and being that you have similar interests in unique seating arrangements you might hit it off and arrange for other assonated rendezvous under other tables... lots of opportunity for variety there are round tables... coffee tables... glass tables... MS Word tables... OK Gotten goofy enough.
Some of my favorite memories are of playing under restaurant tables with my daughter and her "little toys"... care bears, my Little Pony, Playschool People, leggos. She sometimes found sitting at a table much too stimulating. Hell, go with the flow right.
Happy hunting.
Michael