Saturday, March 24, 2007

Saturday morning Early Spring Rain

Spring rain. Not a summer thunderstorm, not the heavy spring rains that'll come, not blustery winds, it's "just" rain, like earlier this week. No thought of snow or sleet mixed in even. An early Spring rain.

I took off my soaked socks when Daisy and I came inside, even if I'd only put them on right before we headed out. Seems I'm the only dogwalker this morning without a raincoat. My fabric jacket doesn't have a hood. I didn't drown:)

:) Not even when I allowed Daisy to take us down the path to, well, an area that basically means long uncovered walk and run in field and sniff woods time.

Hmmm, "real" chai tea latte again, cold, but "my" ingredients, "my" version.

Maybe the sound of the rain had me dreaming of Grandma again, and her house. Again. Rain on a tin roof reminds me of Grandma's house, and Grandma. Or, as it's approaching late March, and Easter. Her would-be birthday is coming up next week.

M may dance at one of the local high schools in some show, hmmm, need to check with V about this, as she was the point of contact, friends with the person asking for dancers.

Next weekend is Palm Sunday, already!, wow. So, I dreamed of Gram again, that she'd died recently and we were there in her house to go through things (which I could use to do here, and I did help do there), yet her presence was there, too. I tried to hug her and kept missing:)

And I thought of the PhotoShopManager guy. I really would be just fine with him contacting me strictly for help with a resume and such. That was my original intent. Even if my hormones this past week reminded me I must not have hit menopause yet, lol, and, well, he is a good man, nice, probably fun, and cute, already did freelance work.

. I've been laid off three times, and, I almost forgot, would have been fired (for being too innocent looking, not slutty enough) another time but I quit first.I've learned since that quitting may not be the wisest choice, even if for that job, it meant I could go to homecoming with my nice date, and not work, instead, just to be fired after homecoming, which was that managers intent.

. PSM has no assistance in his small business company for such things as labor laws and reemployment. I had let him know about potential severance pay, and unemployment that could be had if he stays there until fired (without cause), to weigh that against quitting, the pros and cons for HIM.

One time for me, I knew it was just a matter of funding, and we'd be back at work within weeks, which we were. Twice, I lost my job altogether. Once, I get another job within my same company (only one other laid off with me found another job there), and once, it was my part-time job at Woodies. I loved working at Woodies, especially part-time as I could leave it there when I left, unlike a manager.

Woodward and Lothrop is no more. I was in line for unemployment from my company (the short-term lay off), with a toddler M along with me, when I saw some of my full-time Woodies coworkers. Anyway, if I am able to help PSM with this, then great, happy to do it, which is why I offered. Not that I'd turn down a nice latter or beer, either. Just not conditional on it, yanno.

I have the window open a bit. At first, Indie, Tink, and Captain were sniffing the air, along with Daisy of course. Now, she's asleep and it's just Liberty at the window.

It's supposed to be "work day" at church this morning, outside vegetation type work. I've done that in the past, and hoped to again. I actually enjoy that type of stuff, plus, some youth were to go. Sometimes, just hanging and working with someone is important.

Reluctantly, I realized I just can't. If I had 4 hours to spend working on yard workor indoors work, I really need to do that at Dads, or my place. Balance. Maybe it's canceled today, now, with the rain. (Actually, likely not or I may have gotten word of that, and it's not a heavy rain. Still, it COULD be. :) )

I did call Dad this morning, so he would be sure to know the status of the crisis Doug and I took care of for him. Dad thought it was all okay at the beginning of the process oy, oh well, it is NOW. Spent a lot of time talking with Doug this week, which is good (mostly). Not sure if he'll disappear again or not, the one crisis done, see, and Doug IS majorly busy with his new company. But, we got to talk about Dad more.

. interesting for my brother (Doug) to be telling ME that perhaps a reverse mortgage is in all of our best interests. I'd reluctantly concluded the same thing, yet figured Doug would flip out. A lot of other work needs doing on Dad's home, but more idea on how to proceed now, too.

I'd not cleaned-cleaned at Dad's since that visit when he was so daggone out of it. I felt betrayed, him going on a binge like that, once I confirmed why Dad was like that, that day. Mostly, though, he's not like that, and hasn't since. Just ARGH. And the money spent on it that he didn't have, and he shows me a photo of a poor child in some poor country who Dad is now sponsoring. "Certainly I can afford this, it's only (some amount about equivalent to what I pay for him for Meals on Wheels monthly

(I didn't explain Dad's finances and bills to him right then, that no, he can't afford that, *I* can't afford that tho I'd love to, that it's a commitment argh, but I was silent cuz maybe, maybe Dad needs that human connection, too. And to feel as if he's able to touch someone's life himself. Even if a bit remotely.
I'd visit and realize, I wasn't even taking off my coat, as if not commiting myself to staying longer. I'd take the trash down that Dad would bag up, other basic things, but not the hours I'd typically spend each week just cleaning. Dad's been okay since, also, eh, even if his mind is not capable of functioning fully coherently. I tried to explain more of this to Doug, who is getting it, I'm just there more often to see it directly and know, and know sooner.

. I miss Dad, I'm happy to visit Dad, I just don't like visiting the issues. Having some help, someone I can talk fully openly with about Dad, is helpful. Even if Doug does disappear again.

Still raining, two cats on the window cat seat now, Daisy snoring. M's really interested in trying out for a local play production, which involves a lot of time this summer, primarily for when she's with C. Brightly, M asked me, "Mom, what song do you think I should do for my audition?" I hated to burst her bubble....

She'd e-mailed me information, also, so I wrote her this morning some details, how much fun I know she'd have, but to also run it by her father due to this timing and that timing..... and, Ian's wedding:) Hmmm, need to verify with his mother, my aunt Beth, if the US reception will still occur or just what. Wonder if Beth has thought lately of her mother, also, my late Grandma.

Can't believe Palm Sunday is next weekend already! The fresh spring green I plan to paint my bathroom can wait; M wishes to help me, so yeah, I'll let her:) May even wait for her return to pick up some new capris for her, being it's what the girls wear the most in spring/early summer to school and she's primarily outgrown all of hers.

Even if taxes and other paperwork is, sigh, really NOT what I WISH to go over today.

I love rain. And the promise of a weekend to fill up. I'm glad I got in a long walk with Daisy, and some reflective time. I'm thankful (stepfather) Bob's heart catherization last week went so well; he'd fully anticipated another angioplasty or two, and he was okay! My mother is still in pain from her arthritic thumb surgery (they pulled a tendor or ligament from her arm to place between the bone joints in

her thumb, where the cartilage had somehow disappeared (worn away?) and the bones were wearingon each other. But, she's had it relooked at, the next stage in the process of healing. M and I even got to see a morning radio personality at a "free iced coffee first day of Spring" event that was a fun surprise on an otherwise stressful crisis day. Today? It's rain, and putzing around working on things day:) I do hope M's enjoying HER day. And, you, too, any reader out there.
Tinkerbell is reciscovering her tail, pouncing and playing there by herself. She loves it when the BRIGHT bathroom lights are on, supposedly she can see better that way (she's mostly blind). Then, she realizes I"m here on the chair. I'd like to get her in to the feline vision doctor's office. Daisy needs to update her lyme disease shot first (it IS spring again, and she's due), and, I need eyeglasses myself first. Tinks having fun, though. Life is good.
Maybe I'll check out "theme" ideas for M's Easter basket this year, too......


  1. It is so hard for an elderly confused person.  My dad was living with me, but still so confused & unsure of everything that I had people stopping by during the day while I was at work.  
    He often gave money he did not have as tips for food delivered(that he did not need).  I didn't get it.  He was taking my money out of an envelope I kept in a drawer & ordering take out food & over tipping when he didn't need the food?  
    One day he said :  The girl that brings it is so sweet & pretty.  She talks to me.  I was lonely.  
    I cried myself to sleep just thinking about his answer that night.
    We all of course have our lives, but they gave us life :-).

  2. I don't want to see a paint brush for awhile, however, I have a feeling with the new house I will be. Aggggg...but the green sounds nice though.  I feel so bad, my favorite cat hasn't been to the vet in a year, that is just wrong. I need to schedule that and will make a point to this monday.  I hate feeling bad about that, just vets are so $$$$$$$$$$$$

  3. we are having a nice spring day here early springs!  I need to get some ideas for Easter too...almost here...And Carlie has her birthday this tuesday...She she is very excited.  Have a relaxing Sunday! Hugs,TerryAnn