Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I wonder....... (BJ)

BJ is coming into town Sunday night, late.   Not until after the big ceili, so he can't join me there, but, at the same time, I won't miss it.   I'd have loved him to come, but hey:)

Today when I wrote him, I included that I wonder how he is.  I wonder how his kids are.  I wonder his itinerary.   I wonder how his face will feel again on mine as it's been so damn long.....

He doesn't have to be in town until Monday -- his meeting starts at noon then.   He confirmed with me my availability, then said he'd go talk w/ his secretary to make the reservations to come in Sunday night:)   Yes, I'm going in to work late that day.....  He'll have his kids before that (they were w/ his STBX on Mother's Day, of course, and a lot of last weekend).  Heck, even BJ sent me a nice Mother's Day note, from his cell phone, lol, but to my e-mail I didn't read until Monday, not my cell phone which I had on me.  That's alright:)

So, I wonder about him, about us, not so much longterm future right now, but about this visit.   His last visit was all the way back in December, and he took M and I to dinner.  M adores BJ, wants me to marry BJ, wants BJ to be her stepfather........   he likes her, too, or is very patient with her at least.   She likes the male attention, and from someone she sees as being good.   She tends to have good insight as to a guys character, at least, guys I'd consider dating, lol.  I wonder if she'll have as good of insight into guys SHE looks at for dating:)   BJ's likely not available also on Monday night, as he typically has to hang w/ officemates, but I wonder, and just when he flies back.   M would like to see him, too, and we could consider GS or not, too (also Monday).

I'd be happy to just hang with him..... I don't care where.  I think, oh, this great coffee shop in [local town], a bit Brazilian, and NOT a chain.   And yet thee best bagels are at the other place, or does he get breakfast there and just put me on that tab?   What about a nice hike that a.m., C&O Canal, take Daisy with us.   Or, well, we might be "busy," too:)   He's too respectful to just jump into physical stuff.   When we met up last Spring in B'more near BWI, we had a very respectful lunch and stuff, almost 2 hours, we both later mentioned how we were sotempted to just go into the back seat....  lol. :)

I wonder some if I'll still feel as if I love him.   Ah, heck, I don't wonder; I do.  I likely always will.   I suppose I wonder in what form, not so much now, but longer....  He lives over 800 miles away....... but, "like water."  That's our "theme" way of handling ourselves with each other, let it flow, the relationship just flow, "like water."   Sometimes I'm better at it than BJ is, sometimes BJ is better at that than I am.   He did kiss me with such great earnest in December, even in front of M!, and gave me the claddagh earrings (love, loyalty, friendship = what that stands for).   I didn't wear them when I went on a blind date, of course:) but I mostly wear them..... or ones from M, along w/ the Mother's Day necklace from M.

I wonder how we'll feel like with each other again.   Oh, and yeah, almost forgot.  I"m greyer, and wider in my hips now.   I'm smiling, though, thinking of just talking with BJ, in person, holding hands or kissing his earlobes.   I don't really care right now if my hips are wider or not, lol.   I wonder but don';t think we'll feel awkward.  December wow.  For a while, BJ was in town almost every/other week.   His company has gone through a ton of changes.   But, ha, he's now visiting in the town that borders mine, it's almost all one "town."   I'm really looking forward to just seeing him again, laughing in person, or whatever:)

Tomorrow?   M and I will join in recognizing the seniors from our church in a banquet -- and I'm one of the ones in their "roast" aka a film impersonating them which should be hysterical.   Thursday?   M and I will go to a show where music is danced to, plus interpreted via sign language, a very visual art, really.  Much of her class will go.  I'm happy we can share in that, this last time before Mrs. O goes to AUSTRALIA!!! next year.   Mrs. O and I took ASL classes together BEFORE M was even conceived, and now has taught M off and on for 4 years.........   and I'll have a great ceili Sunday.  But:)   Guess I don't REALLY wonder too much about Sunday night -- just some details.  BJ and I will both be happy.   We even promised each other that, lol, so to speak.


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