Saturday, January 20, 2007

Minus 5 with Wind Chill
At least, my neighbor dogwalker told me that's what was predicted for last night. It felt close to that this morning. I switched the heat off then back on, to re-ignite the gas flames which tend to go out and kick in the backup electric heat. I took in another comforter for M and wrapped her tight. She didn't require that, our home is warm enough for winter, but she'd think she needed it:)
Outside, I realized it may have been a good time to have put a coat on Daisy. Her fur isn't that long or insulating. She didn't mind. We were out a bit later than normal and she was ready to go. The air brisk. Little lines of white crystals in some of the sidewalk crevasses, or along the edges of windshield wipers. Like cocaine trails. Not that I think I've even seen cocaine since the early 80's, friends of my summer roommates indulging occasionally.
If I paid attention, sometimes the wind would blow a small flake, or another would drop down. Infrequently enough to have been pieces of dust instead of flurries. Maybe later. Most likely tomorrow afternoon and evening, just in time for M's rehearsal.
To think, Monday it was about 65F degrees or so, two youth in long shorts/capris for the hours we were in the woods clearing trails. This Monday, older Girl Scouts in my county were to enjoy a day off of school and go downhill skiing. Except weather's been too warm. They finally canceled. Now it'll be our best snow day so far this year, even if only 1/2 inch, with the ground cold for many days now, cold and hard. The snow will hold there. (M wasn't going.)
We should visit my mother, and most likely we will. We'd have more time today. We should visit my father, and likely will instead do that tomorrow between church and rehearsal...... find him new long pants today. I really need shoes for me, too, and M needs new hardshoe dance shoes (Ma told M that M should get the tips replaced for several reasons I'm forgetting, but they were used shoes, anyway, and other things aren't great about them, and I'll find it easier to just get NEW ones for her at thispoint
A few updates:
My father was lucid again starting the next day, calling me, not really remembering I'd been by, but figured I had for the stuff left (oh, yeah he says when I mentioned the cleaning lol). He's been good this week, too. AND, yes, put on the shorts I'd left him. Beth is also buying him some long pants, and I will again. He doesn't know where the pair is I got him for Christmas that he feels are too small. Sigh.

And C left for work early on Monday, no trail clearing, no staying with the girls until M was passed along to me, etc. I didn't write him back. I don't wish him to nix switching nights for M to be with me this week for the concert she won tickets to (and next morning is class photos). I didn't want him to withhold child support for even later in the month (January 1st's came about 2 days ago, so that's 2.5 weeks late but could be worse). Etc.
I was so scared Monday morning. I still get panicked.

This wasn't even that bad comparatively, but him being so nasty makes me wonder how it'll be, triggers those old emotions and fear. My stomach in knots having me need to visit the bathroom often (making me late argh). I was shaking even though I wasn't cold by any means, and I'd even eaten so it wasn't a low sugar spell. I've come a long way in terms of how I handle myself, how I respond, feel, think, but why oh why does he still trigger those horrible feelings? I pray, God, please, you take this.
I try to not harbor any feelings inside, and I've done well. I try to do "right" by M. I do have a right to stand up for M and for myself, and I've HAD to at times. I just never know how he'll react or retaliate. I know most of what he does or doesn't do I cannot take personally. I try to see it with humour, and with detachment, focusing on what matters. So, I was nervous and didn't get there at 8:30, anyway sigh, M in capris herself wait, we're in the WOODS child, clearing debris and prickly thin
things, but I left it up to her. She changed into the long pants she'd worn the Friday before and I felt better that she'd be protected from scratches and well, so warm out there could have been ticks. I don't know if they hibernate but it's frozen today. Soft Monday, not muddy as I had anticipated. Oh, I'm rambling. Sorry. Monday the time for meeting up had been changed, too, to 10am. not that we were told that, not even on "the board." Nicely, it made things work out for M, her not late.
I also received the withdrawal I'd been waiting for, just not confirmation yet that other things were dropped......... so on the financial end, tentative good news. :) Continued prayers that the money is credited in time is appreciated.
Blue sweatshirts. The school newsletter said that students are to wear their blue sweatshirts for photos this week. Not sure where M's larger one is, or if her class is even participating in that aspect. Last year, they took the class photo outside. Maybe this year, MAYBE, there will be some snow outside:) We shall see what Monday brings...... I'm just as happy without all this cold wind, even if I understand how it's necessary for global weather patterns, etc. The rest? Yep, snow would be
this aol journals thing via IM is acting up again ack ack


  1. Nice Blog and I think I will read alot more latter..

    Tom Schuckman
    Wisconsin--  vietnam veteran