Sunday, January 14, 2007

Fathers and daughters

Spent most of the afternoon and on at my fathers, 6-7 hours? minus a bit for grocery run for him. He wasn't having a good day today, but perhaps that's in part as he'd been asleep when I came by and then kept nodding off. Had a lot of work there I got done. Wish I could have done more HERE, or gotten into the office some. Oh, well. A friend of his, former client?, sent him some money he'd deposited.

It was nice to be able to get him groceries without worrying about the paying of them. Not splurging, but filling the basics back up and such, and pistachio ice cream on sale:) Alright, got some for M and me, too, YUM, that stuff is GOOD! My paycheck got deposited, too, so yeah, it felt nice to buy some groceries for us yesterday, too, including picking up a few things for Dad then. Even if I'm still waiting for that child support.

Dad wasn't waiting for me, well, not specifically for today. He kept asking me what day it was, and almost as often, where M was. I'd wanted a day without a lot of financial detail thinking with him, more of a social visit drop food by get some things visit. I almost dreaded coming by. I want him to have a nice home, and it be a "normal" type of visit. He woke up (sitting on the couch sleeping), but was not aware enough to even think details on finances today. He usually is lately.
This wasn't fully a social visit, either, just not there enough.

Dad had also slipped and fallen, he did seem to have had that on his mind waiting to tell me, a few times. He'd gotten his pants wet doing that. I couldn't find them (to take to wash). He must have then tried on the pair I'd gotten him for Christmas, as he said he has two pairs andone is too small.

Ugh, couldn't find that one, either, and I could have returned or exchanged that, if not worn. I handed him some boxer shorts and some outwear casual pant shorts to put on. He seemed shocked for a moment, egads, is he not covered? His shirt, thankfully, was long enough. I mentioned taking some things into the kitchen to wash, so he couldput on the clothes with some dignity.

He apparently forgot to, sitting back down but with a blanket over him as he likes to do, starting to nod back off. He wasn't fully aware any later, either, so I"m a mite worried for when Meals on Wheels comes by tomorrow! Well, if they come tomorrow, being a holiday. This time, he says that they are great, tells me how nice they are, the one person got his mail when he asked even.
This time, he had only one bag of trash bagged and out in the patio. The trash can by him was almost full, so maybe in his mind, he bags up the next bag when he thinks it's Sunday? Not sure.

Dad was unclear that I brought him some food, yet hadn't been to the store yet for things specifically for him. A few things I'd bought while I was out last night, and the banana walnut muffins I'd made. He ate one right away, enjoying it. While dad ate some other things, I told him where I had put the other muffins I'd brought. I always try to tell him where I put things, and, if I can, also show him. Usually he comes to look, walks around. Not today.

He didn't remember I'd brought muffins. "The others are on the counter, Dad." "You brought banana muffins? Really? Where are they?" Out of the bag as it wasn't a clear bag and he wouldn't remember to look IN the bag. He'll see things on that counter, though. I put most things there now, or in the freezer. Even paper towels. He doesn't remember to check the cabinets.

Something fruity had spilled on the coffee table next to where Dad sits. He gets fruit juice and milk each weekday. His misplaced cell phone wasn't there, but it can't be TOO far, he thinks it's upstairs by his bed, Meals on Wheels called him one day and woke him up. He had not called me, at first making me nervous, until I remembered he had daily visitors who have my number.:) About five pairs of eyeglasses were there, some bent. I washed them all.

Many soaked papers, too, and a phone book and change and lots of GUNK that I think had been soaked in something previously, too. A paper cup was on top, leaking through somewhat, used too often too long to still work properly. "Don't take that, it's my only cup." I speak gently to him, for I know he believes what he's saying, "No, Dad, it's not."

." I go to the Christmas gift bag of fun hard plasticware M had thought would be nice for him. He hadn't gotten them put away. "See, here's one." "Oh, oh okay. M chose these for me?" There is a set in his cabinets, also, nice looking glasses.

He was upstairs when I got back from the store, so I put things away that required it, all else on the countertop. And cleaned more. I'd done his dishes earlier, which he always leaves me he just has less now as Meals on Wheels brings the food in disposable containers. What an easier job for some things with a real mop, too:) At home I just use paper towels or special towels saved for cleaning floors. Dad's is a bigger place, and there's a new leak. I put back the small bit of cash

he felt I had to take with me, also. I have the debit card, it worked, I just knew tonight wasn't a night to explain that to him again. I'm so glad he's not like this typically. And, I wonder. How often, how long?

Back home to Daisy:) and our cats and trying to reach M..... and C's new e-mails. Life's too short, C. We never know our time or hour, not necessarily to die, but to not fully exist. My father wasn't perfect. And at this point, I don't wish to enable him. He's past that now, though. He wanted his salmon and aspirin, his two requests for the store. (Yet he had a can of soup on the oven rack...... I put the salmon in the freezer maybe I can make it for him, or he'll snap back again for

for a while). Dad, usually speaking, tries again now, as if he's less depressed than he was before I realized, holy cow...... and got him to help me clean up his place and it took a LOT. But, not as if he's been perfect, just still my dad, and he'd NEVER have treated me like C treats M and me. We can not know. The "good times" in life are too short.
I'm tired. It's late. I have no reasonable response for C right now. I wish Doug would help more with Dad. I have to talk with my friend early am about my "one big financial issue." Write a few letters. Mostly, get to M:) as she's not being brought home. And, see if I can call Dad, remind him to put on pants. Just in case Meals on Wheels comes tomorrow, but even anyhow. Oh, man, he could go pick up his newspaper am from the nice neighbor woman who brings
it up the driveway! (insert swear word here).
I want him lucid again. I want him capable. I want this easier. Sigh. I know. Life isn't easy. It helps us appreciate the really good things:) May things go okay in the a.m., for Dad and for seeing M. I don't get why THAT one needs to be hard. Life is too short for petty anger.

Of course, I could simply respond, "I'm happy to have her returned at the time the agreement states." Use his words back. Except that sounds snotty. still. If he's not returning her, which I truly believe he should, then M needs to be picked up earlier. It just is what it is.
Right now, I'm not responding. Likely best to see how the morning goes for me here. But, I'm tempted!
BJ asks me why C is so mean to me. Honestly, I don't know. But, talking with BJ helps:)
I may be the one scraping by financially at times, but I have a good relationship with our daughter, she's even a really good kid:) I'm not against her having a good relationship with her father, either. And, I won't tell her this bs he's written tonight. He does enough that she has to feel directly.
M had asked me why C and I can't BOTH help clear trails. I told her it's fine with me, that I felt things went well the day of her horse show. I don't know what's upset him right now. Yawn.......... just hope the a.m. goes well. Nighttime yawn is here........

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