Tuesday, June 19, 2007

"active within 1 hour"

Hmmm.  Nor has N contacted me even late last night nor at all yet this a.m.  Typically we're emailing and texting and phone calling from early a.m. until late p.m.   I know what type of Italian red wine he's picking up right then on sale in what grocery store and details when he's making dinner (he likes to cook, I finally told him I'd clean up, weed the garden, eat with him, but I don't care to cook), his children's schedules, when his meetings are, what they're about (he once decided he didn't need to shave for a meeting with (high up official), but made a point to go ahead and run on "the mall" with the idea that he'd stop by his gym to (shower and) shave before going out with me.  "I rank above an (high up official)?"   He laughed, nodding before kissing me again.

Heck, our last outing, he was even more open with me, emotionally, tearing up at one point.  (Hey, macho men out there, he had reason to.  At a minimum, N's had his brother die this past spring (cancer), and a friend die less than 2 weeks ago (freak motorcycle accident).  I've been more open, more vulnerable, too.  This after we had quite a bit of fun at an outdoor table, live band in the background and great Indian food (I thought was a Thai restaurant oh well).

I think he's still keeping his options open and looking around.  Which is fine, but, I do find that quite interesting.  He sure seemed smitten with me.  Said I make him happy.  Is he not ready, is he too intrigued by someone he's been chatting with on there, even if he says no one has clicked for him this past year.  Is it because I declined to have him come over to my place after our last outing (I like to think that's not it).  We went out 2 nights in a row, and he asked about the following night, also, until we both decided we're just TOO tired.  (I instead caught up on emails and found his profile, which he was on "online now," but ,eh, I figured no biggie.)
N did tell me he had a profile on match.com.  He even told me clues how to find it, and we both talked some of what we want in a partner, spurred by talk of his profile.  He seemed embarrassed that I might find it, somehow, which was cute:)  Yet, he doesn't know I have found his profile:)  I've decided that, at least for now, I'm not offering that tidbit of information.  I won't deny it if he asks, but I like knowing I can check on this. 
Eh, if it's truly to be me he wants, he'll go after me.  I really do not have time for dating, anyway.  I'm not bothered if N is looking actively.  Beside, he's been upfront about his past experiences looking.   I suppose this just lets me know more about where his head and heart are.  Personally, I also suspect that N's heart is still there with a woman he knew in Italy.  Hard to fill that void until he works past it, though.  (Not cover it up, but work through it.)
Or maybe my not feeling well last night and this morning has me feeling blase.  I don't really wish to have a crash and burn, it could hurt (of course), and in many ways he and I are matched much better than I'd have ever anticipated.  I like him.
Life goes on.  N and I do both try to enjoy the moments we have in our lives, as a basic way of viewing our lives.  I did send him a quick note to have a great day.  I meant it:)


  1. Yeah I remember when I found L was still online.  It's a little disconcerning, but if your not checking on it many times through the day you're doing well.  If he's like this since you didn't want him over, better to find that out now than later.  ~ Mike

  2. This all gives me butterfly's in my belly. Dating. Eeeeek. Fun and Unnerving at the same time <sigh>

  3. < running, screaming, in circles.  If someone texted & emailed me & called me all day after I knew him a few weeks, I'd move!  I know lots of people love it, but it freaks me, did even while I was young. Guys always thought I didn't care; I guess I just 'care' differently.  ~ Mary

  4. From what you've written he certainly does seem to like you.  He didn't care about the official, but wanted to be impeccable for you. ~ Mary

  5. Normally speaking, all that level of contact would feel SO suffocating to me, also.  That it's not, that it calms down when I'm wanting it to even, that we both have our own lives, also, is telling to me.  Oh, and things are fine.  Not sure what he's doing on match but really, I don't care.   Guess I was just wondering yesterday if I should be concerned about it or not.  It was a bit disconcerting.  

  6. I am old.If I had to start at the get go with a new person, I'd not do it.  "Hello, my name is Donald. I'm a structural engineer, with three happy children and one thinking she is Princess Diana incarnate. What's your sign?"  I have an elevated heart rate and anxiety just thinking about it. Pass the nitroglycerin patch. I am thankful I am in love.