Description of a Mind with ADD / ADHD

Amy, "Living a Weeble's Life" (see link to her journal on the side bar of my journal), had this in her journal.   I find it a very good description.

What’s It Like to Have ADD, Edward M. Hallowell, MD

Also, see my entry titled, "Orange Swirl" for my description of how it can feel like (link to the left, unless I can figure out how to add it here, um, I can't even get to it while in "add entry" or "edit entry."   It was on May 23, 2006.

I'm debating whether or not to send the Dr. Hallowell link on to my mother.   Of course, once aol lets me send e-mail again as it's on the blink.  

Right now, we're discussing summer schedule, still, for a trip to Maine, where she is from and I've lived there some, etc.   I really wish to take M up there again this summer for several reasons, and my mom wanted to, too, so in theory, how great to all go together.   Except we don't process information the same, and it's very frustrating for both of us.   I'm also not the favored child of my brother and I, and yes I had family from both my mothers side and my fathers side confirm this when I was older, surprisingly, and no I don't blame my brother.   But it just means that even though I love my mother and she does love me, we sometimes both really have to try hard to get along, and we both do mostly try.   I even spent a lot of time coordinating M's summer schedule and putting it in chronological order with comments by dates as to camps and with her dad, C, and etc., but my mom said she couldn't understand it, "just give me firm dates."   SO frustrating for me, I couldn't even get back to her yesterday about it.   I know she might really means that she can't understand it, but ugh.   I thought it was real clear, linear even, chronological.   And nothing IS set, b/c I'm waiting on the Maine trip before we do / plan other things, like our annual trip to Chincoteague/Assateague Island, or Oireachtas classes for M, or her new dance company camp but I think I won't have her doing that for a few reasons including it involving switching a different week with C.   UGH.  

So, once aol lets me send e-mail again, I'll read her latest and respond to my mother.   And then maybe also send her that Dr. H. link, cuz maybe just maybe, she will realizethat it really IS me being described.   There are many other links and information on ADD / ADHD as well.   Why it was overlooked in me growing up is a combination of factors, from being rather quiet and not exhibiting a lot of external physical activity, and being a girl, and being smart enough to get by with other coping mechanisms until bam, I hit Calculus, and then for a couple of my college classes I didn't know how to study, but some of them were easier than some of my high school ones, so shrug.   I sound snotty saying that, but I did get by with other methods for many years.   My report cards from early elementary make me laugh, for I was a cheerful contributor to discussions, enjoyed learning, capable, but needed to turn in more completed busy-work assignments, lol.  

Dr. H.'s article also talked about how people sometimes do well by having a good support system in place, such as an accountant (was my dad but he has dementia now and I thought I could do it oy), and other things.   I'm sure that my bosses wife really helps keep him on track, plus other things I'm learning from him, or learning we both do the same with:)   I was thinking last night and this morning, how I SO need a "wife" myself, so to speak.   I need someone to take care of the laundry and the cleaning and the dishes and the household chores.   The shirt I'm wearing today somehow keeps an "ironed" look, but if it stops, realistically, I'll mean to iron it, but hahahahaha.   Right.   I love yardwork -- let me tinker in the flower and vegetable gardens, mow even, yes, even w/ my allergies to all grass, trim hedges, weed.    But I really need help organizing my home, um, and my finances tho I do most of those online now YEAH.  :)

Sorry I rambled.   I'm still learning how best to cope with this disability, and coming to terms with the concept that I really DO need help with it.  

Tags: ADD, ADHD

items I keep avoiding.......

I had some downtime today, a lot of it, and searched about some of the journals on my friends links, which got me thinking some.   It's easier and fun to comment on M here:)   Raising a child can be like that, busy, focused on the child.   I have barely mentioned my father, who is elderly and I really need to do more about for him.   I have to figure out how I'm doing my taxes (hey, automatic extensions are your friend), and how to lay down the extra carpet I'd forgotten I have, to replace the bad areas.   Home repair, ugh.   My place is 11 1/2 years old now and needs some work.   Yeah, BJ said he'd help sometime, but, um, he's not seeing it looking like THIS, not yet.   And other "bigger" topics, and smaller ones.   Sometimes it's easier to "deal" if I push it aside for a bit first.   Sometimes, things get OBE (overtaken by events) and solve themselves:)   Sometimes, they really don't.   My dad's been in a phase of improved mental capacity the past year, give or take.   But, um, he's not fully well, and I sometimes feel as if it's a bit like parenting ones parent.   I have to be patient and understanding of his inabilities, but not be enabling for his abilities.   I try to encourage, and I do say to him some needed negative things, too, but I try to make it sound as if it's because I care...........   He doesn't always change his clothes between my (weekly) visits, for example.   I finally got him out to get a haircut, which he wanted done but he wanted his housekeeper to do it, whom he'd lost touch with months ago.   I thought I'd be able to get him "presentable" to see M's afternoon recital, but not quite by then.   So now the goal is so M, my dad, and I can go to dinner out, utilize a $50. gift certificate M and I won at a St. Patrick's Day fundraiser to a good Irish restaurant in the county, maybe around Father's Day since it wasn't in time for his birthday in May.

And forgetting to eat:)  I was on here for my lunchtime.  I did walk around the building a bit, give myself a mental break, while I was also checking out the current temperature for my boss who is downtown, as the air conditioning is being repaired and it was almost 90 F in some areas here yesterday.   Then I was talking about cooking w/ friends, and I remembered, thatis one thing C does well is cook, more so now than ever from what I hear.   Salivating for fresh rockfish right now:) but settling for my "spare food" supplies here of a package of Target clearance hickory-smoked tuna, a yogurt, and various assortment of mostly healthy snack items.

Lack of money has put off my ability to get Pretty Boy Blue-eyes Captain neutered.  Not that he's minding it:) lol, but I do.   I keep him separated from the ladies when I'm not around, just in case.    This summer for certain, I may even break down and charge it, but gosh, I so HATE putting items back on that card that I had finally gotten down to zero.

Financial aid for next year -- yes, gosh, THOSE are the forms I need to start to tackle tonight, w/ M away on her school camping trip.   Oh, I had thought I'd go to an end-of-year ceili @ Glen Echo tonight.   I love Glen Echo.   The weather should be good:) the pollens might be high (acccchooooo), the exercise fun and social.   I told a girlfriend, I need to get on top of my laundry, though.   I feel more disjointed when it's so not organized, that I've washed alot but it's not sorted/folded yet.  

Big things and little things, rambling thoughts again and I'm sorry.   It's more fun to come on here and smile and brag:)   I am so proud of Missy M., but, life is more complicated than that, of course.  Not even counting high school program discussions with other parents and with teachers, or dating (agh there is nothing wrong with being single, but sometimes I try), or visitation crap.   :)

Have a blessed day, all, excuse my boredom here:) 

 

Proud Feis Mom:) / Memorial Day Weekend

I should have written this on Sunday after the feis and dinner, but oh so tired.

Sure, I'm really happy for M and proud of her for 1st and 3rd in two of her novice dances (wow); she's so excited she can move up to Prizewinner she's still beaming about it, lol.   I am proud:)

I like the "feis Mom" models I get from Kath.'s mom, and from J's mom who said "it's just dance" (and J qualified for Ireland, I think, he's GOOD), and Kath is a high-level dancer.   Very nice people, and not snotty or pushy.   My ex-SO's daughter was there, performing, wow, perfectly, more perfectly than even before somehow, and he was happy before she danced.   When I'd go to a feis or dance class with him, I learned a few things about how some "feis-parents" can get oy.   Not sure if it gets as bad as in some other sports, but I'm so glad M's dance school, with Ma, is mostly not like that:)

But, I also reminded M the other morning so that she knew -- I'm JUST as proud of her, maybe more so, for how she handled her slip jig /novice dance.   The slip jig is one of her best dances, and she was dancing it very beautifully.   She had good competition, but she had a shot at placing.   ACK, automatic disqualification -- I think -- her shoe laces came untied.   I don't even know if M knew at that time, that shoelaces coming untied disqualified her.   She stayed smiling and dancing and concentrated on not tripping and falling, and completed her dance including the appropriate bow at the end.   Other parents said later that it can depend upon the judge, but this judge did end up disqualifying her.   But, M still danced it through:)   IMHO, how one handles defeat and problems that come along in life is important.

The judge for the advanced beginner refused to let dancers chose their speed; M only knows novice and higher-level dances for hardshoe, but she still placed.   Ah, well, judges call:)

M was checking out solo dresses w/ Grandma, too, who is willing to put M's birthday money from last year and this year towards a decent, used one for M.   M's in her 3rd year of Irish step dancing, and this was her 4th feis.   She wishes to focus on performing, and many of the local feiseana are held on weekends she's with her dad.   M really wants to do another one now, and if summer schedule can get worked out 100%, maybe another can fit in?   V and J want M to join them for an extravaganza dance coming up at another feis, but when M's w/ her dad.   M thinks she'd like to visit BJ's town next year, too, as there's a feis there, and she has classmates moving there.   It's usually smack in the middle of her time w/ her dad, but, maybe next year it won't be.

Speaking of M's dad -- he not only didn't show, but he didn't even call her to see how she did, how she felt about it, etc.   Oy.

M's Grandma, M and I, went to Cozy Inn after, whose air conditioning had broken.   We love eating there, and this is the only not so great time we've had there.   Hanging out in Grandma's backyard was much cooler, especially with some minor waterhose "fights."  lol

My sweetheart:)  I'm glad she had a good day.   And I am so proud:)  

Another girl in M's novice dances goes to a feis at least every/other weekend, around the country.   She didn't appear as if it was herself pushing it, either.   I hope she got to spend some time actually visiting our area, too, go into DC over Memorial Day perhaps, something.   I'd love to take M to a few feiseana around the country, sure! :) but, not just to do it.   Have M be excited about it and want it, too.  

The horse show Saturday was WAY early, with M wanting me to wake her up at 5:15 yawn!   She still wanted to help out, and I helped her prepare Corey, et al, until 7am when she helped load Corey onto the trailer.   She even warmed him up at the show for the 6-year girl who was riding.   I came back for M in time to hang out some, buy her lunch there (she loved the pork bbq sandwich, yum, and I'm thinking ack, it's what I got food poisoning from when pregnant with you, child! but, different vendor).  

Was to go to a feis class after leaving the show early, but M was so tired, she slept enroute and then got car sick....... SO - we ended up with M practicing in the garage and then in the cafeteria at my office:)   She tried to teach me some hardshoe, as her new (used) shoes fit me, lol, that was, um, not for performance viewing:)   M gets so little practice, other than at odd moments and in odd spots, and only to class e/o week b/c C wouldn't switch nights, mostly, to anything reasonable, and yet refused to take her, too.   I couldn't find her bloomers for her feis, I know I washed them after the recital but oh well, they were getting too small, so I charged a new pair (I thought, don't know yet which card I gave them!).   Ma was telling M that M dances better than even some of Ma's private lesson dancers.   I really thought this novice level w/out M being able to practice all that much, would be mostly for her experience of it all, support her friendsl, time.   Nah, M holds her own.  

Monday we relaxed:) packed for her camping trip she's on NOW! I'm so excited for her, and her classmates, she went swimming and playing w/ Md, M wanted to go to the barn and dag, too hot for lessons today and she'll miss the rest of the week argh (camping plus w/ C), but even tho disappointed, we stayed and bathed/groomed, anyway, and 2 hours later, I still had to DRAG her back, lol.   Relaxed day, first day of summer, HOT.  

Billy got cat toys for his birthday weekend:)  He's named after my late uncle Billy, who died as a teenaged POW in the Korean War, and provider for the family, especially my mother and their younger sister.   God bless his soul.   Uncle Billy was my guardian angel until my Grandma died, tho I'm sure he still checks in sometimes:)   Just wished I'd remembered my POW/MIA pin to wear Monday, too.  

 

Tags: feis, Irish stepdancing

Daggone it Money Woes, Cont'd.

Daggone it all.   My credit card looks almost the same as my checking account's debit/charge card.   I got the two mixed up this weekend, and instead of charging a bunch of things, I "charged" them from my checking account.   I'm so upset with myself.   I now have to scramble to cover the money.   This SUCKS.   I cannot wait until I'm paid again next Monday.   Summer is so much easier, and I can catch up financially.   But, I'd have NOT done things this way if I'd known I was doing it.   UGH.

So, checking online my minimal Credit Union savings account in another city, forgot my password and the woman on the phone was really nice, and reset it.   I have to keep a savings account there w/ minimum balance b/c I have a loan and credit card from them.   Some year, I suppose I should have a credit card and checking account from the same bank / credit union.   I would be happy to have one with this CU except that, sheesz, there are no local branches.

Otherwise, I was happy enough, monetarily speaking.   Had money enough for M's inhaler refill Rx (needs original packaging for the camping trip, given to a teacher to hold, rolling my eyes, yeah, so normally M carries it on her, and, ironically, M today is giving it to the teacher herself, being sending it in w/ her is thee easiest way to do it).   Money enough for her t-shirt for the camping, needs cash.  Okay, check.   No pizza lunch last Friday b/c we thought she'd be shadowing, and none this Friday b/c she can't order it Thursday as she'll still be camping.   Didn't have to pay for M's feis class on Saturday (tho I'd rather have done so or not bothered driving there, being, egads, she was so tired from the horse show getting up, WANTING to, at 5:15 a.m., and then the hour drive to the feis class, she was too carsick/woken up at a bad time so couldn't hardly stand).    And, she wasn't in the horse show (tho that's still disappointing being now there's not even the school's in 2 weeks and I'm still not clear why not but too late now to plan it so oh well).   Little things like that are paying off, monetarily speaking, even if small.  

So then I go and pull this bozo thing.   UGH.   Sigh.    Worse comes to worse, I will check on a cash withdrawal from the credit card I was trying to use in the first place, tho it'd have been cheaper and less stressful to just have it charged to that card from the get go.    I won't do this again:)

.............................

Daggnabbit.   I just wrote an upbeat update, and it didn't save albeit I pressed the save button.   Argh.

Anyway, good news is that I have funds in the savings account to cover this, w/out bounce fees I'm trying to avoid pending when my car insurance payment gets processed, and I did charge some items to the actual credit-credit card.   I should even have a few dollars to still go to breakfast w/ a friend on Saturday, and hang w/ friends at a retirement party Thursday.   I will see first.   I didn't try to get anything extra this past week / weekend, other than $1.75 cat toys as it was Billy's birthday, and ice cream for M:) and a t-shirt from the feis, and engraving on the trophies and medal she won.   Gas is thee expensive thing right now, oy, but that's another thread:)

Just chatted w/ my boss, rearranged his afternoon, and will handle this.  Plus if I can, well, no, have to wait until tonight, drop off a b-day gift M made for her friend, Gi, at Gi's house (Wed bday), and drop clothes from C's off w/ M at her school, but that involves going home, too, and there's not time.

I'm still not too happy w/ myself, but, life goes on.:)   Have a good one, all.

........................

Okay, not getting out after all.   Things going on here, and the nurse who I'm somewhat friends with knew I'd be trying to squeeze in going to the other town and back, and simply asked me how much I needed.   Bless her.   This gives me squeeze room and she knows I can pay her back.   Hopefully she'll be able to get it to me in time for me to race it to the bank and get back for a meeting I'm in later.   Except I'm HUNGRY, lol.

And, clothes to M guess will have to wait.  Hope they don't get on her case tonight about them; I'll have to e-mail her dad later.   Will work again now until the woman returns.

Burden of Being Smart

Last night, M joined me while walking Daisy after picking up M from the barn where she spent some time training Corey more.   She was, understandably, disappointed that her shadowing a high schooler wasn't going to happen today after all.  (They'd tried to pull up her name in the database, um, she hasn't attended public schools, her name won't be there.   So I was asked where she attends, they're familiar with that school, great, but gee, she's not been accepted into that magnet program yet?  Well, no.   They did NOT like that she's not even in 8th grade yet, never mind that she hadn't yet applied for that magnet program, been tested, AND been accepted into it.   That seems backwards to me.   But, hard to argue the grade level.   There was no edgeroom with her lower grade level (which I implied was 7th grade tho didn't actually state that, for that'd be lying.......). 

Lovely day.   We sat on the grass for a bit.   "I don't want to be so smart.  I don't know what I'm supposed to do.  I don't want to do (said a few things) and find the cure for cancer."   "Well, honey, then you won't.  I don't know what God has in mind for you."   It was probably wise of me NOT to have gone into the whole "utilizing the gifts and talents God's given you" deal.    "But, what if you're in a hospital with cancer, and I'm in there and somehow happen to find something that is the cure."   "Well, then, you'll have saved me:)"   "But I don't want to save you."   Explaining not so much saving me, but solving the cancer problem, isn't what she wants to do.   I did, however, try to tell her that she has many interests, and she'd be pursuing something she enjoys.   Talking about that.

I've had some intelligent relatives.   Some were scallop shuckers, or piano players, and gravel truck drivers, and some taught at colleges, or wrote, and had degrees.   I've been in the "Gifted and Talented" track at school.   Being smart is not enough for a person to be "successful" in life.   I'm not just talking social skills, either, tho that helps a lot.   Megan, thankfully, has those down.   It probably helped that she talked very well very early, and how I and those at her school interact with her.   Even a fellowHS youth advisor recently assumed M was joining high school next year, as M is so mature.   I'm not even talking common sense, either, because there are certainly very intelligent people who seem to lack basic common sense/smarts sometimes.   Ones emotionally intelligence, and ones confidence, and perhaps even ones spiritual intelligence, are all very critical.   (Drug use and suicides don't really go with being happily successful.)  All in time for her, and yes, I want that rounded persona for M, smart and confident enough to go for it, whatever "it" is that makes her happy, with compassion.

She knew not to "brag" yesterday with the other kids in her class.   Two of the boys her age/grade whom she's friends with, however, brought up the assessment tests.   Originally, she said only that she did much better than she expected.   One of the boys said that was true for him, too, and that he'd gotten a 90 for math.   M responded that she had, too, much to his surprise "as he knows Md and I are always complaining about how much we hate math."   She feels equal to the boys, usually, including physically.   The boys talked more, this same one saying he got a 99 on one, so M did respond that she thinks she got a 99 on three.   I told her it's not bragging if she's asked specifically.   I also told her that she shouldn't feel she must hide it or be embarrassed by it, just don't brag.  Fine line I'm sure.

I thought back to when M was in preschool.   A coworker accountant type has a boy the same age as M, and they're in the same grade.   He used to sit closer to me, and we'd chat about our children.   One day, I relayed to him that I was excited because she seemed to have started grasping beginning mathematical concepts.   We'd come home the night before, and M had said something akin to, "Mommy, a hamburger is just a hamburger, but a cheeseburger is a hamburger and a cheeseburger."   The coworker was surprised that M could speak in complete sentences, and that well, and make sense.   I stopped commenting on specifics after that.   His boy is often in summer schools and struggles, so we talk generic school stuff now. 

God has a purpose for us all.   May all of our children find theirs:)

You Can Be Anything You Want :)

Okay, right now I'm FRUSTRATED b/c I wrote a long entry in regards to M, her academics, and her recent (only!) assessment testing she's ever done.......   Sigh.  It didn't save even though I pressed "save!"  

I was interupted by a call from M's school, being asked to chaperone a Going Out (mini-field trip).   I don't have a lot of vacation time, but gosh, I love doing these:)   I'm doing one for M and some other 6th graders to the Smithsonian for the study of African masks, somehow the day AFTER the class travel fair.   This one is to "the" zoo.   Two of the girls are repeat-requesters, who I've chaperoned a couple times before:)   I love how mature they grow over time.   This third girl for the zoo trip is the one who called me.   She asked me if I preferred to drive or take the metro.   I've always wanted the metro b/c of the mass transportation idea, but they have a SmartTrip card thing, I call the stupidcard, which I HATE.   I told the girl if anyone had not taken metro before, that I'd prefer to do that, as they're all old enough now they should know how to use it, but otherwise, I might prefer driving, but for them to calculate the costs for everyone and perhaps just see which is cheaper.   Hehe:)   Hey, it's polite to ask me, but they can do this.  Hmmm, wondering if it's driving for the Smithsonian trip......   I wasn't asked my preference for that, but I know driving is part of that one.

I came in last night from walking Daisy, while M was finishing up feeding the cats and Daisy-dog.   We were talking, while I undid the leash, and stayed scanning the "home report" results of the 6th grade standardized assessment test.   M said that she and others were tested yesterday on their math abilities for proper placement in next year's Intermediate class (combined 7th and 8th graders).   "I'm sure I'll be in with general math and not the algebra group b/c I'm so bad at math."   It irks me when she thinks that way, as she's actually always been very good at math.   I'm starting to learn that she feels more socially accepted if she's "not very good" at it, and if she comprehends a concept before anyone else in her group, she'll then turn around and go, "Huh?" and "lose" her comprehension, claiming it was a momentarily lapse of smartness.   Sigh.

"Well, M, I think you'll be in algebra.   Look, this shows you're not bad at math; you're good at math."   The graph showed what percentile a student placed, so I explained to M how that differs from percentage correct on a test.   There were 12 overall scores shown; M was in the 99th percentile for 3 of the 12.   I'm still feeling a bit dumbfounded, proud, going okay, so what do I do now for her about this, a bit vindicated for having done all I have for her over these past years (everything from breastfeeding to having her in private Montessori schooling), and heck, I always knew she was smart, but wow.   The 9 other scores were also very very good, mostly also in the 90's for percentile.   (I also am reminded how I know M has not really been challenged-challenged in her schooling, even if encouraged.   We'll have to change that!)

Her dad's girlfriend called M from Sh's cell phone, to congratulate M, which is fine, I don't care, but a bit odd.   If anyone called, I would have thought that her dad would call, yanno?   Guess Si got on the phone, too, briefly.   Si is having a dance recital coming up, naturally the same day as M's next actual (school/low key) horse show, but probably still doable.

So, I asked M if she wished to call Grandma and B about it, and she did, and they chatted a while.   I wasn't going to make it such a big deal, but maybe it should be made a big deal of, sort of.   When I had IQ tests done, routinely in school, I wasn't told the specific results I don't think, or told generally, something.   Not made a big deal of.   I do think, ultimately, for a preteen girl anyway, that anything to help boost self confidence in a true, real way, can be good.  

Later on, I told M that I always knew she was smart, but now she knows that she should never except someone telling her she's not smart enough for something.   She can be anything she wants.   It may require physical skills, or, say, stage presence which she has but someone else w/ her exact same set of scores might not, or having studied a certain subject or having certain experience, but she is smart enough to do anything.  M responded just as seriously, "I want to be a neonatologist." 

M's been interested in many things, including medicine, but never medicine for people of any age, only medical-related fields for care of horses, animal rescue animals, or for marine creatures (from dolphins to mermaids! once when little), among other potential career interests.  She'd been part of an interview panel when a neonatologist doctor, and other career women, visited her Girl Scout meeting Monday night.   The woman brought thee tiniest diaper and pacifier, and had worked w/ a 14 ounce baby that day.   I responded to M, "Yes, you could do that.  If you want to.   You can be a neonatalogist; you can be President.   Well, obviously, as you're smarter than he is."   LOL.  We talked about how the current President might get flustered on camera b/c of how garbled some of his grammar and English gets in his speeches. 

Then she asked me questions about immigration, and why people are so against Mexicans.   We talked for a while about immigration, racism, illegal and legal immigrants and "legal" ways someone might come here, about Jesus even, and how some including "Dubya" want immigrants to the U.S. to speak English.   I told her that it was easier for my grandfather, as he'd learned English as well as Gaelic when growing up in Ireland and was good with languages.   Many immigrants don't have that advantage.   We talked more about him, including how he learned calculus in 6th grade, was done with his formal education at that time, and didn't wish to be a farmer or priest, so left via South America, to Ellis Island, and went right on to college.   M asked me about calculus, and in talking about various math courses, I mentioned to her that calculus was the first class of any type I'd ever had to study for.  "Study for MATH?"   LOL.   That's my girl:)   Yep, math is way easy for her and she just wishes to appear as "average" as her friends, but she finds it sad that anyone would do so poorly she'd have to study MATH.   (I'll talk w/ her teachers for next year about this social aspect keeping her back, as I know she dropped the higher level literature classes for social reasons, too.)     M mentioned later that she must get her language skills from my grandfather.   Ah, perhaps, but somehow she totally overlooked his math skills.   (She really gets her genetics from multiple relatives, but hey.)

Natalie Merchant is who I'm reminded of now -- the song about the prodigy baby which always reminded me of M, and makes me smile:)   With love and care, she can be anything, eh?  :)

When M walked back out towards her room and let me change into night clothes, she said, "Hmmm, neonatologist or President."  

 

Sometimes, Things Work Out

Very pop song, and I even like Bon Jovi, which followed the radio announcers discussing American Idol as if I care.   Rolling my eyes.   I really need to find a less-pop station for the truck rides, albeit, M likes it and it often plays really great stuff even from "the past."   It's just stuck in a playlist right now that repeats this new Bon Jovi song and daily repeats Sheryl Crowe "Ironic."   Bleh.   I prefer when it plays Natasha Bedingfield (Unwritten or others), or GooGooDolls (lots of good stuff from them) b/c those are both so good, even if "pop"ular.   (Making mental note -- put cd's back in truck for listening pleasure!)

And to think, I was going to say that my mind is pretty clear thinking today!   So much better than yesterday, woke up later than desired but got coordinated, and going through things readily/clearly at work today, too.  My boss and I talked a few times, various topics that might seem random to someone else, but good to go through and check off, as if catching up -- let's check on this, and this, and hey! :)   So, instead I come on here and I ramble on a musical tangent and add the note about clothing (below).  LOL.   Still much clearer today, however, even if also a mind going in many directions at once.  (I'd even forgotten to bring something to another woman in my dance group last night, lol, she'd left it at Southern Maryland Celtic Festival and I'd picked it up for her.  Oh, well!  Typical of yesterday, and, it'll work out.)

Anyway, M was naturally not happy with me when I picked her up yesterday from the barn, as she was going to be both late to class and I didn't have her dance shoes.   She'd been in a decent but disappointed mood, b/c the show Saturday is now not going to include M riding now, Corey or anyone.   She and a co-barn girl, Mo, are now being asked to help out instead of riding.   With Callie gone, other horses have to be brought in for the "midgets" to ride.   M was pretty upset when she was in the truck and talked about her disappointment, as if she then felt okay to talk about it, plus hit with me not having her dance shoes.   I had told the barn director that financially, it worked out better, (see, sometimes things work out!), and when all hanging at the barn, M seemed okay.  Guess she understands but is disappointed.  

Plus, I forgot, her dance class doesn't start at 6pm now, but at 5:45.   It never actually started at 5:45 initially, but closer to 6pm, and traffic is so bad that time of day, it was great to just get her there by 6pm.   Oops, the teacher Ma hadmoved it all back to 5:45 but I didn't know that, so most of the year, M's been late and I didn't find that out until about a month ago.   Naturally, foggy-brain yesterday, I didn't remember, so M wouldn't get there until about 6pm ish AND w/out her shoes.   She hated that, didn't wish to look bad and I told her I was sorry, it was my fault, and she fell asleep enroute.   Oy.    (She could get her things prepared herself, yes, but I had told her I would; I expect her to get herself ready for school, and if she's going anyplace right after, I get that stuff ready.)

Well, Ma was really nice and in a good mood, and was outside for a moment, anyway, when we arrived.   I told her right upfront, "I'm sorry, it's my fault, M doesn't have her shoes with her tonight."   Well, she was fine w/ that and said M could borrow HER hardshoes, and assumed M was staying for the advanced class later, anyway.   M was offered that 2 weeks ago, that if she's running late (and 2 weeks ago, took 45 minutes from 1 town to the next horrible), to just stay in the advanced class to get in her practice.   Ma expected this, and it helped M realize that Ma didn't think M was late.  Phew:)   Ma also wants M to work more with that class, too, b/c those dancers are more serious, and the intermediate class includes many dancers who are goofing around or blase at times.  

Dance Co. didn't happen, though.   Maybe she told dancers last week, after teaching the dance, Thunder.   M, naturally, wasn't taken by C, so she missed it, and there wasn't an e-mail notice.   M still got her $7. to V for a Dance Company shirt, and M told me she had picked what version of her last name to put on her shirt.   I do want it to be her (M's) choice, so I didn't ask what she chose, just said, "Okay, good, so it's taken care of."   M having two classes and not Dance Company rehearsal meant she could come w/ me later for my ceili/set dance groups end of the year mini-ceili w/live music.   M felt too sore to dance along, enjoyed eating and hanging.   Next year, it should work out well for her to come sometimes when not youth group Tuesday nights.   I told Ma that they'd asked for stepdancers, but I'd told them they would be in rehearsal at the same time!   Ma and I both rather laughed and shrugged, oh well, next time.   Yeah.   It works out, right?

Anyway, Ma re-asked M about staying in Dance Company but based out of their other studio in mid-Maryland.   Culturally, anything outside of the "greater DC area" just sounds so far away, but it might actually work not much worse than trekking further south in my county, where Ma thinks the new studio might be.   The night sure works better, it might be Friday nights in Mont. County, and that's just so not good being M's every/other weekend w/ her father, C.  M was confused about the logistics, but when able to talk w/ me alone, that was clarified.  M really wants to stay stepdancing and with Ma, but also just loves to perform.   Yes, Thursday nights will work.   Ma is making it two regular Dance Companies, and one Apprentice this year.   M is too good for Apprentice.

Ma also re-asked M about being in Oireachtas (sp) this year.  I asked her what that is.  Something to do with competing Irish dance figures, like ceili/set dancing, and M thinks M has the right look for it while dancing, etc., and is more exposed to it than most (b/c of our involvement in ceili/set dancing, too).   This would be for regionals, which is held in Washington, D.C. this year, which qualifies for Worlds.  Last year, Regionals was in Atlanta.  I think the Regionals is when M is scheduled to be with C this year, but the four preliminary classes with Ma are when M is with me.   I talked about summer schedule with Ma, too, how our local dance company camp is obviously not happening as the local dance company has been disbanded, but apparently regular dance camp IS still.   The dance company camp being held in the other town is when M is w/ C, AND is also in horse camp.  I told Ma that M is double-scheduled already, since something like February, b/c se thought she'd be in the local dance company camp.  Ma understood, and said she'd work something out with me:)

I just had to call her last night or this a.m. and let her know for sure re: M in Dance Co. for next year, so she can de-select another girl who hadn't been told yet.  I'm not sure that's truly the case or not, if anyone's NOT selected who would otherwise fit in fine.   I know she has standards, but if a dancer met those, and tried out, ?   I don't know.   It's nice to hear allthe good things she believes about M, and I agree.  

If M had just had more practice time, class time, etc., this year, wow, she'd REALLY blow us all away!   If M wishes to, b/c I wouldn't force her, she could stay stepdancing for another 6 years before college.   She moved up to Novice level her 2nd year of stepdancing, naturally talented, and LOVES it.  She's also a good performer, stage presence, handles herself well even if messes up or has to improvise.   She cares less about competing and that shows:)   The past 2 years in Dance Company, with a couple championship dancers even, who did not look down on her, it's been really great for M and even I will miss that for her.   I am trying to think of what personal thank you I can do for each and every one of them, really.   Moving on.......  and, it's going to be okay.

Now, to figure out summer schedule, talk w/ my mother AND with C, or him and then her, plus including Ma.  I left her a message this a.m. about it, and an e-mail.  

M is set for shadowing sophmore V at V's school/magnet program on Friday, AND, V said she'd treat M to lunch, too:)  I guess they have open lunch there.   I think it helps V feel really important, and she's enjoyed mentoring, and V is almost beyond thrilled, lol.   Another girl there at that school, a senior named G, also works at the barn where M rides, and G is likely able to drive M from that high school  to the barn Friday afternoon.  If it stays this gorgeous out, it'll really go well.

Oh, M's school teacher was apparently in a bad mood all around yesterday.  I knew it wasn't like her, so I'll overlook it.   They had assigned seats! which is NOT typical, and meant M couldn't work with J on their Africa project, part is due this Friday.   I told M this a.m., that maybe she and J could get together this afternoon or tomorrow, as finding time during school hasn't worked out so well most days this past week.

ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS DAY OUTSIDE!   VERY VERY LOVELY!  :)

Maybe I'll even get to enjoy some of it, lol, writing this took up a lot of my lunchtime so far.... but, that's okay.

(Today's pants: "stone" khaki capris; shirt: pistachio-ish / spring  w/ crocheted multi-green sweater; I love this combination)  We'll see if I care to stay updating this or not, got the idea from the "questionaire" section, which was ironic as I so rarely wear dresses any more; I did wear a pale mauve w/ purple beaded designed skirt to the ceili Sunday but usually pants even to church).