so, that's where they're hiding

Ever since I stopped wearing my claddagh earrings in January, I've gotten all sorts of dating advice, even from E, my dear dear male friend, whom I still adore all these years later as much as I try not to.   (E is in a committed relationship, and I even like his girlfriend, it's fine, I don't drool in public, and we dance beautifully together at times, and, a good friend is good, too.)   And, I've given dating advice, lol, yes, even to guys I've dated (if asked/seems appropriate, "exit interviews" can be informative).  

After 2.5 years, ya think I was looking to dash desperately out into the vast sea of fish, so to speak?   Heck no.   I've never been desperate to date, anyway.   Get a grip, we're complete human beings without mates, as much as there can be good happiness and loving relationships with mates, which I'm open to, I'd enjoy having even.  I do like guys, after all.  There is no requirement, however, to be mated up.  Not even if one guest pastor told me to my face that I should switch churches as I WOULD be asked out (gee, thanks for assuming the spiritual needs of my daughter and myself, and, did he even ask me if I was dating at the time, cuz, I was, or if I wanted to date/marry, and, did he suggest this to the other single woman there (nope), who was not a parent, but single, and what if I was divorced and didn't believe in remarriage, he did not even ask me these things).

Long distance ultimately can (and has at times) screwed things up, yet, it has its benefits, too -- including the time factor.   Then again, the right guy, one whom I can feel excited over, over time, somehow, the time makes itself:)   (If I find myself struggling to fit in time with a guy, instead of naturally finding the time, I know he's not really for me.)

I'm open to it, try to keep my eyes open.   But, not desperate.

E and other guys have talked with me about all of this a few times.  Once was at a ceili in January (somehow, E noticed a new single guy for me, but not KuteGuy), and then later in a local gathering spot after class one night in, hmm, February?   E's first home after separating and then divorcing, was in the townhouse of a guy who runs a local dating club.   E made sure he was NOT around whenever meetings were held in the home, lol, hey, he likely wasn't ready to date even.   Another guy met his wife at yet another local dating group, and a seemingly happy and, I believe, well-matched couple I never realized were on their second marriages, met via a dating club or online.  I forget now.  Pros and cons to these.  I mostly wasn't so interested.  I told them that my father used to be a member of Parents Without Partners, and I'm sure that they are a fine enough group (no matter how easy he thought the women were at the time, decades ago), I just couldn't, it was my DADs group, yanno.   A couple girlfriends of mine are big into a Catholic dating club, which I see as more of a social club.  I've been to some events not of the club, but had several attending FROM the club.   (Where "R" is from, who declined to date me as he thinks I've been married before, and I figured screw'off, then, if he can't even find out, besides, he'd likely diss me for not being Catholic.)   Once upon a time, I checked out a few online dating services, and talked with many friends about various ones.   eHarmony is not for me -- there's a 400?? question questionnaire for just one thing, egads, I do not have patience to fill that out, and if I ever did, I'd NOT be a good match with anyone else who did.  (I realize many are happy withthem, and, that is great for those people, I like more control, too, admittedly.)   http://Plentyoffish.com is a good, free one, btw.   I've tried them, got inundated, can't handle all of the e-mails, wish to respect that each person writing to me is a real person (tho the rude ones don't get a response or two guys and one woman guy got blocked by me, three total out of hundreds who'd written me).  Had a few dates, chatted with some other neat guys, some far away some closer.  It even has forums there that are decent and not too difficult to use.   Still run out of a guys apartment all by himself, yet if I was to go back to an online dating site, it'd definitely be them.   I just don't want inundation or dating to be a SEARCH.  Not now, anyway.

E kept telling me, that all I need to do is show up (at one of these dating places/meetings).   "You're attractive enough," he said a few times.  Thanks, E, but I don't want just any guy.  We were walking out of the restaurant/pub, when E tells me that, "There really are good guys out there, they're just probably hiding under the tables."   "Yeah, me, too."  "Well, just don't go hiding under the tables at the ceili on Sunday."  Nah, I was all excited to dance that weekend, until it got snowed out.

I had a really great conversation with BJ last night, one of our best, and truly an important one.  We knew each other for a long time before ever dating even.   We'll always have a connection (red-headed angelic imp, just had to add that, hehe).   And I remember, this is part of why I don't date around.   I want a quality guy (i.e., BJ is a quality guy).

Even if it'd have been fun to run into "KuteGuy" yesterday at a pub ceili I'd planned to attend, his home turf.   It's okay (I needed, for me even, to visit my dad yesterday, and talk with some others).   Saw him at a big ceili recently, he on the complete other side of the room that somehow I never feel comfortable just going over and plopping myself down inserting into a group of already friends, but his group got a table there.   So I did insert myself into a set being formed over that way, that KG was in.  M tells me she doesn't think he's cute.  "Well, he was cuter with his hat on."  He could be seeing one of the young ladies, hmmm, hey, they would be cute together, or, Kute.  Maybe he's best as an occasional dance buddy, and, that's okay.  I can still look!

Apparently, as time goes on, my list of qualifications has altered.   Not that I ever did NOT want a quality guy, of course.   In addition, I want respect and honesty as non-negotiables (and, I will provide the same).   I suppose I've always wanted them as well, finding over time how critical they are.  I'm learning that even if I find no offense to being called a prude at times, I'm also not considered fully traditional.   A friend and I have chatted about a potential guy for me, whom she's friends with.   She reads my journal, knows a few things about me, anyway.   I do like a guy with confidence.  He has to accept that I have a child, and if he has any, he'd best be involved (if possible), nor speak disrespectfully about their mother.  And, yet, the first thing I ask her isn't if he likes art, or outdoors stuff, if he's been divorced or just what, kids, religion, sense of humour, is he smart (intelligence can be so attractive to me, at times), his age, or if he likes dancing and music even.  Nope, none of these do I ask her.  I have to laugh, the first thing I ask her about this guy, is:  "Is he an anal-type of [profession here], or laid back sufficiently?   yeah, I have to ask:)  lol "

I'm clean, my home is clean, I take care of myself (and 6 pets, a child, and, to some extent,  my father).   I crave neatness, but I have difficulty with it.   Some [people with that profession] just have a brain that works in very logical, "anal," organized ways, which is fine, just SOME of them, can get too flustered if who they are partnered with, is not also like that.  I've had guys embrace that aspect of me, and, I've had guys think that they like me, but if I'd just (a, b., or c, basically altering parts of me that I cann't change), I'd be good.   I've cared deeply for a few with that profession, likely know more people in that profession than any other, and none can be stereotyped too specifically, so I won't list the profession and add to the stereotype.   I am very detail-oriented, I love organization, my mind is in part very mathematically oriented (I love the patterns in some of the ceili/set dances, for example), and I very possibly could have been rather anal myself, if not for the ADD, and my enjoyment of creativity (albeit not finishing projects may be a touchon the ADD side of things).

Live and learn:)   I'm okay being single.  But, a few overturned leaves, um, tables, someone may find me, or me him.   I'm not going to live my life as a hermit, and, I've not decided against this guy my friend is thinking of for me, either.  Intriguing.  But, I suppose how "anal-retentive" a guy is, IS one of my questions these days, lol.  

Oh, and no whiners.   That's never been appealing.

(Update:   I realized later, I've never even asked her what this guy looks like, but he does have a nice name!)

Tags: dating requirements, online dating, okay being single, being anal, Plentyoffish, dating

forsythias and crocuses (um, there aren't bullets in that, are there?)

Timing can be ironic at times.   Between Doug and I, never mind Meals on Wheels (I'm positive at least 4 out of 5 days, albeit my dad insists it's only 3 last week), and the reverse mortgage guy and the natural gas guy, my father has been visited several times last week.   Oh, and tons of calls, even earlier on Sunday. 

Yesterday, the lovely neighbor of his, dogwalker who used to bring Dad his paper every morning from the end of the driveway hill, hurried up to me after I'd pulled into Dad's driveway and was walking to get the mail.   "We're all worried about Mr. [dad]."  I'm wondering if I should be as well, or if this is in relation to "potential crisis" that was going on last week that we've resolved (it wasn't).   Did something happen within the last hour?  Seems no one has seen lights on at Dads for 10 days.   Not that he always gets them turned back off, if he's turned them on, so they tend to burn out (making mental note to check the lightbulbs).   That someone who told her that he's a good old friend of Dad's even pulled up yesterday a.m.   (Hmmmm, now that's intriguing, someone else trying to solicit Dad into selling the home, most likely, for what old good friend wouldn't try further contact???  I imagine Dad was sleeping, or, not knowing the person, refused to answer the door.)   That the mail has built up.   I remind her that I bring that in to him weekly, albeit last week, both my brother and I had been there a couple times.   She seemed to remember now that Dad can't come down the driveways hill and retrieve the mail.   Even if I do appreciate her concern, truly.   Some seem like scavengers, but she has been kind, caring.   We chat briefly, including with the two dogs who smell Daisy on me.   She thanks me for she knows he'd asked me to bring her cookies at Christmas time, for taking him the newspaper daily.   Dad looks out the front door.   Oh, I'd forgotten my hair cut/trimming accessories (and let her know I meant to bring them).   She and Dad wave and smile.  

Ahh, purple crocuses.  How deep and beautiful they are, spreading a bit from where planted originally, so many years ago.   I retrieve some trash that's blown into the forsythia bushes.   They get so beautiful, just starting their yellow now.  Dad asks me to shut the door after I'm done bringing things in (and trash and recycling out), but I don't fully.   It's too nice out, air things some, before pollens start choking us. 

We visit a while, I trying to reexplain all the financial and paperwork stuff that had gone on the past week.   He also shows me a HUD certificate that has him confused.   The reverse mortgage guy told me that he'd arrange for a telephone counseling session with Dad, and a counseling session is a legal requirement.   Dad has no recollection of it, not now, only the day he had it was he able to tell me, "Yes, I just got finished with them."  He asks me to call them, and I ask if he can, and he's confused.  Hhe also has trouble reading (even if reading glasses are near by).   I read further, hmm, 24/7.....  so I call.   With the certificate is a plan, recommendations.  The guy is nice, they are a neutral source, even if website surveys and such are recommended, Dad cannot do them.    He's not fully comprehending that the crisis is over, just dealing with this now, that they didn't stop it (okay, sometimes he realizes that but questions why not), that Doug and I did.  So, I offer to write it down for him, which he accepts.  

Other paperwork, other bills, including that precious hispanic-looking, hispanic-named boy from hmmm, Guatemala? someplace in South America, but he'd sworn it was Africa, not that he cares which continent, it's just he swore it was some kid in Africa.   I told him that perhaps the television ad showed Africa, but when he called, they may have asked if he was agreeable to helping a child with the greatest need.   I put up the boys photo, to remind us both to be sure his support isn't lapsed.  Ironically, he looks a touch like my brother did as a child.   We talk of soccer and kids sports and Doug's for football outfit.   And birthdays and his mothers would have been this Thursday.   Is it Gregory Peck wh oplays in "To Kill a Mockingbird?"  I try to bring up things he may know and remember, and he did know that movie.  M's reading that book in school right now, a connection for Dad perhaps, help him think some, and we discussed that one for a bit.   (I do plan to rent it for M to watch, cuz, that book is not easy to get through.   I'vetaken to reading it, also, so I can help her, discuss it with her, explain that the 10-foot arc of water off the porch is someone urinating sigh, it never SAYS that outright....)

"You were going to give me the number for Meals on Wheels, I tol dyou they didn't come Friday.  I haven't eaten since Thursday."  "Dad, you just finished a bowl of chili."  A fresh bowl, from the soup bar at the grocery store.   And, I'm learning, if MonW comes later in the day than he anticiaptes, he remembers the waiting and the waiting and them not coming, forgetting that they finally did.  And, he's had food over the weekend, but he doesn't remember it.  "Oh, right.," brushing off cracker crumbs.    It takes a bit of convincing for him to let me take his dirty shirt to wash, more so for his sweatshirt, "I may never see it again."   He asks me again about a sweater I'd bought him when I visited Bolivia, the one with the holes in the elbow needing repair.   And at least one other sweater that I do not have, and I"m unclear if this is some sweater he's remembering from many years ago, or recently and I'd tossed, or one he's misplaced in the house somewhere.   "This one keeps me warm, Robin, what will I wear?"     Luckily, when in Dad's room, I found a nice brown aip up combination sweater/ sweatshirt that my aunt Beth must have sent Dad, or perhaps Doug brought (yeah right). 

Branches in the yard I want picked up, maybe I could but I don't this visit.  I straighten the bird baths, no longer in danger of water freezing and cracking them.  Dad says his lawncare service starts in April, and we agree that they can do this (they've okayed that in the past, if talk with the owner, pay additional).   He seems pleased to hear of the forsythia and only mildly of the crocuses.   He'd always been so proud of his lawn and things that grew there outside.   He'd feed the birds religiously.

We talk more of maybe moving him someplace more manageable.   Selling it and doing that route.   He has his defenses way up.   The reverse mortgage he's not comprehending and asking ME very very basic questions about, is somehow going to solve all of his problems.   Uh-huh.   I remind him not to throw out the papers with the certificate (it's required and he wanted to mail it back to the HUD counselor, saying he's not interested in obtaining a reverse mortgage through them). 

He asks me about the toilet valve.  The valve Doug told Dad about last week, and said he'd told of before (but Dad and hence I, thought that meant shutting off ALL the water in the house), and Doug wouldn't turn himself.   Yeah, okay, Doug helps in a crisis but guess I'm the day to day.  It can work.   Dad had one plumbr come by, who provided an estimate, but didn't turn the valve or water off for Dad.   Dad tells me he can't turn this valve, and while I'm at it, can I replace a few lightbulbs?  Oh, right, yes, lightbulbs, it'll help the neighbors know he still exists.   He tells me what he's been using as a hammer, as he can't turn the valve.   I think he means some type of revolver?   "It's on the sink there near the toilet if you need it."  Dad stands at the bottom of the stairs and I change the hallway lightbulb, let there be light!  Then into his master bathroom, I try to turn the toilet valve with a towel.   I still hear water running.   The other sink, the vanity sink outside the bathroom, is running water.   Oh, right, as Dad's been really focused this past winter about making sure that pipes didn't freeze, he'd leave all the faucets running.   I turn it off, anyway.   There's no more danger of freezing now.   Sometimes housebound people don't receive thesame sorts of "clues" to help their mnds realize the changes in seasons.  Hmmm, still running, so I turn the valve completely in the other direction, which feels more correct for "off."  "Dad, which way do I turn it?"  "To the left."   "Does left mean counter-clockwise?"   "Yes."   Well, I did that.   Change another lightbulb, wiped down his sink some.   Gathered some dirty laundry, admittedly with the towel.

"Robin, did you even go into the yellow bathroom?"  "Huh?"   Oh.  All the time, I hadn't realized WHICH toilet.   There's the revolver, too, which I do not use as a hammer.  I turn it to point away from me.  Yet I still can't budge the valve.   "Do you have a wrench?"  "I can't find one, that's why I used the [name for type of gun]."

A coworker of mine told me she'd look for a wrench ather home tonight, and if I don't have one, maybe I'll just buy one.   Then Dad calls, somehow not asking for me to make calls, but verifying the amount of money in his account, remembering things today from yesterday.   He wants to contact a plumber, and plans to use the telephone book I left him yesterday.  (His other one got soaked.)    He'd called one who said they'd give Dad a free estimate.   If the plumber could give the estimate for other work, but still turn that valve off and unplug the one toilet (yeah, one is plugged again and I can't get it), Dad, that'd be good.   "We don't need it fixed, just have the valve turned off?"  It's a needed first step, not the full fix, and coworker is also trying to help me see about getting someone in for that, sort of, she's swamped with eldercare and single parenting, also.  "Dad, are there bullets in that gun?"   "Are there what?"  "Bullets?"   "Spell that."  I'm surprised he HAS a gun, having forgotten all about it.   "Oh, no."   Well, that does beat the headline, "elderly man accidental shoots self while trying to fix toilet leak."

I did get to try on some bright yellow shoes later, also!   Not quite my style, but I love yellow, and glad it's returning:)   This time of year, BEFORE the pollens / allergens out, is great.  

(Update:  Dad calls me back today, for the latest plumber has left, turning off ALL the water.   Not sure if turning off the valve wasn't sufficient enough to cease the water issues, or if it was too stuck to budge.  The extimate is $1,200 to replace the toilet, from this guy.  The other had estimated $500.   Not sure if there were additional costs included with todays plumber.  He was nice enough to not charge Dad anything for todays visit, however; it would have been $85.   I give Dad another number, which he takes down but he's calling lawncare instead........ I think for indoor work, whatever.   Still no word on when the appraiser is coming by from the reverse mortgage place.   They were scheduled last week, or so Dad thought.  Maybe, maybe that's okay, i.e., have it appraised AFTER this is fixed.  Even if I bring him bottled water and iced tea for now.   It'll be okay.

And I checked out capris at Old Navy for M, ahh, half the cost of Limited Too, and more the actual style M wants.   I have a budget I'll give her, and she can chose items.  Tis spring.  Even some yellow shirts there.  Even if the "theme" for her Easter basket this year, is "blue," and last years was bumblebees.   Maybe it's time to get some plants for us, too.  

Tags: forsythia, eldercare, dementia, reverse mortgage confusion, yellow, toilet valves, toilet leaks, paranoia and dementia

Saturday morning Early Spring Rain

Spring rain. Not a summer thunderstorm, not the heavy spring rains that'll come, not blustery winds, it's "just" rain, like earlier this week. No thought of snow or sleet mixed in even. An early Spring rain.

I took off my soaked socks when Daisy and I came inside, even if I'd only put them on right before we headed out. Seems I'm the only dogwalker this morning without a raincoat. My fabric jacket doesn't have a hood. I didn't drown:)

:) Not even when I allowed Daisy to take us down the path to, well, an area that basically means long uncovered walk and run in field and sniff woods time.

Hmmm, "real" chai tea latte again, cold, but "my" ingredients, "my" version.
Maybe the sound of the rain had me dreaming of Grandma again, and her house. Again. Rain on a tin roof reminds me of Grandma's house, and Grandma. Or, as it's approaching late March, and Easter. Her would-be birthday is coming up next week.

M may dance at one of the local high schools in some show, hmmm, need to check with V about this, as she was the point of contact, friends with the person asking for dancers.

Next weekend is Palm Sunday, already!, wow. So, I dreamed of Gram again, that she'd died recently and we were there in her house to go through things (which I could use to do here, and I did help do there), yet her presence was there, too. I tried to hug her and kept missing:)



And I thought of the PhotoShopManager guy. I really would be just fine with him contacting me strictly for help with a resume and such. That was my original intent. Even if my hormones this past week reminded me I must not have hit menopause yet, lol, and, well, he is a good man, nice, probably fun, and cute, already did freelance work.

. I've been laid off three times, and, I almost forgot, would have been fired (for being too innocent looking, not slutty enough) another time but I quit first.I've learned since that quitting may not be the wisest choice, even if for that job, it meant I could go to homecoming with my nice date, and not work, instead, just to be fired after homecoming, which was that managers intent.

. PSM has no assistance in his small business company for such things as labor laws and reemployment. I had let him know about potential severance pay, and unemployment that could be had if he stays there until fired (without cause), to weigh that against quitting, the pros and cons for HIM.

One time for me, I knew it was just a matter of funding, and we'd be back at work within weeks, which we were. Twice, I lost my job altogether. Once, I get another job within my same company (only one other laid off with me found another job there), and once, it was my part-time job at Woodies. I loved working at Woodies, especially part-time as I could leave it there when I left, unlike a manager.

Woodward and Lothrop is no more. I was in line for unemployment from my company (the short-term lay off), with a toddler M along with me, when I saw some of my full-time Woodies coworkers. Anyway, if I am able to help PSM with this, then great, happy to do it, which is why I offered. Not that I'd turn down a nice latter or beer, either. Just not conditional on it, yanno.




I have the window open a bit. At first, Indie, Tink, and Captain were sniffing the air, along with Daisy of course. Now, she's asleep and it's just Liberty at the window.



It's supposed to be "work day" at church this morning, outside vegetation type work. I've done that in the past, and hoped to again. I actually enjoy that type of stuff, plus, some youth were to go. Sometimes, just hanging and working with someone is important.

Reluctantly, I realized I just can't. If I had 4 hours to spend working on yard workor indoors work, I really need to do that at Dads, or my place. Balance. Maybe it's canceled today, now, with the rain. (Actually, likely not or I may have gotten word of that, and it's not a heavy rain. Still, it COULD be. :) )



I did call Dad this morning, so he would be sure to know the status of the crisis Doug and I took care of for him. Dad thought it was all okay at the beginning of the process oy, oh well, it is NOW. Spent a lot of time talking with Doug this week, which is good (mostly). Not sure if he'll disappear again or not, the one crisis done, see, and Doug IS majorly busy with his new company. But, we got to talk about Dad more.

. interesting for my brother (Doug) to be telling ME that perhaps a reverse mortgage is in all of our best interests. I'd reluctantly concluded the same thing, yet figured Doug would flip out. A lot of other work needs doing on Dad's home, but more idea on how to proceed now, too.

I'd not cleaned-cleaned at Dad's since that visit when he was so daggone out of it. I felt betrayed, him going on a binge like that, once I confirmed why Dad was like that, that day. Mostly, though, he's not like that, and hasn't since. Just ARGH. And the money spent on it that he didn't have, and he shows me a photo of a poor child in some poor country who Dad is now sponsoring. "Certainly I can afford this, it's only (some amount about equivalent to what I pay for him for Meals on Wheels monthly

(I didn't explain Dad's finances and bills to him right then, that no, he can't afford that, *I* can't afford that tho I'd love to, that it's a commitment argh, but I was silent cuz maybe, maybe Dad needs that human connection, too. And to feel as if he's able to touch someone's life himself. Even if a bit remotely.
I'd visit and realize, I wasn't even taking off my coat, as if not commiting myself to staying longer. I'd take the trash down that Dad would bag up, other basic things, but not the hours I'd typically spend each week just cleaning. Dad's been okay since, also, eh, even if his mind is not capable of functioning fully coherently. I tried to explain more of this to Doug, who is getting it, I'm just there more often to see it directly and know, and know sooner.

. I miss Dad, I'm happy to visit Dad, I just don't like visiting the issues. Having some help, someone I can talk fully openly with about Dad, is helpful. Even if Doug does disappear again.



Still raining, two cats on the window cat seat now, Daisy snoring. M's really interested in trying out for a local play production, which involves a lot of time this summer, primarily for when she's with C. Brightly, M asked me, "Mom, what song do you think I should do for my audition?" I hated to burst her bubble....

She'd e-mailed me information, also, so I wrote her this morning some details, how much fun I know she'd have, but to also run it by her father due to this timing and that timing..... and, Ian's wedding:) Hmmm, need to verify with his mother, my aunt Beth, if the US reception will still occur or just what. Wonder if Beth has thought lately of her mother, also, my late Grandma.



Can't believe Palm Sunday is next weekend already! The fresh spring green I plan to paint my bathroom can wait; M wishes to help me, so yeah, I'll let her:) May even wait for her return to pick up some new capris for her, being it's what the girls wear the most in spring/early summer to school and she's primarily outgrown all of hers.

Even if taxes and other paperwork is, sigh, really NOT what I WISH to go over today.

I love rain. And the promise of a weekend to fill up. I'm glad I got in a long walk with Daisy, and some reflective time. I'm thankful (stepfather) Bob's heart catherization last week went so well; he'd fully anticipated another angioplasty or two, and he was okay! My mother is still in pain from her arthritic thumb surgery (they pulled a tendor or ligament from her arm to place between the bone joints in








her thumb, where the cartilage had somehow disappeared (worn away?) and the bones were wearingon each other. But, she's had it relooked at, the next stage in the process of healing. M and I even got to see a morning radio personality at a "free iced coffee first day of Spring" event that was a fun surprise on an otherwise stressful crisis day. Today? It's rain, and putzing around working on things day:) I do hope M's enjoying HER day. And, you, too, any reader out there.
Tinkerbell is reciscovering her tail, pouncing and playing there by herself. She loves it when the BRIGHT bathroom lights are on, supposedly she can see better that way (she's mostly blind). Then, she realizes I"m here on the chair. I'd like to get her in to the feline vision doctor's office. Daisy needs to update her lyme disease shot first (it IS spring again, and she's due), and, I need eyeglasses myself first. Tinks having fun, though. Life is good.
Maybe I'll check out "theme" ideas for M's Easter basket this year, too......

"scrapbooking" some photos

Some older, digital photos I have.   I have been here almost a year now next month, maybe it's time to get these off the computer.  Let's see if it works. 

p.s. -- yes, the wee blonde-headed girl is my daughter, M, and, of course, the final, taller! pretty girl in the Irish dance dress at the end, also:)  (Also my mother, stepfather Bob, and my stepbrother and niece, and BJ cuz we have an eternal connection, and we're both fine with that:) and this is my favorite picture of us).

some year I'll have a NICE camera

Some year, I'll have a nice camera:)  Right now, I can borrow M's digital one, sure, and I have.   Or, get disposable ones.  I've found fairly decent disposable cameras, yet, eh, they are still not GOOD ones.   PhotoShopManager has seen me lose cameras, use them until they are dead, and let M try out cameras and photo taking and otherwise been patient with our not real quality shots, attempts at other photo-related items, these past 6 years.  Always professional, laid back, nice, nice looking, remembered my name almost right away (somehow, that's neat to know and hear), and maybe only once those early years has asked for it again to verify.

Not that I realized it's been 6 years until a month ago.   PSM was distraught; he'd found out that the (very overpriced / twice that of the Starbucks in the same center) rent hadn't been paid via receiving the court summons for his boss, other indications of this shop closing, etc.   He'd just hired someone even, who had quit another job.   We talked a bit that night about options, work, etc.  Ultimately, he stayed for this last month, he'll get severance pay (instead of quitting), and take a months vacation in California.   He'd planned that, anyway.

So I dropped off two disposable cameras on Wednesday, not remembering the reduced hours he'd told me about (so missed catching them that evening before close).  There wasn't time yesterday to pick up my photos and disc, either, even if I'd planned on it.   Too much going on with dad lately, Doug and I working on things.   Today is this photo shops last day.   So, I took a few moments this a.m. to look presentable again, pink and black are good colors on me.

I had a few good moments with M on her recess time, while dropping off the now dry clothes from her dads that I'd washed, and a notice about her CTBS exams Monday and Tuesday (latest notice arrived after I took her to school).   I re-checked my hair I'd let down, which didn't matter for the light rain, soft weather.  Like usual as of late, PSM and I chatted briefly.  Frames and other previously 40% off items were already packed up.   He flies to Oakland on Tuesday night.   Oh, Blue October, I'd forgotten about these.... [photos].   Not great, but hey, proof I'll try to post here:)   He's gone to the 9:30 Club often, seems to know the name Blue October just can't recall their music right now.

"This is the last $25. you'll spend here."  He seemed down.  I pulled out a business card I'd made for myself from Bosses business card, with my particulars.   I hand it over to PSM, "If you ever want me to edit a resume, or provide a reference, let me know."   He's looking at the card.   "I'm not the (Bosses Title); I'm his assistant."   He seemed pleased, went to another table briefly, saying he'd like to give me his card, so I thanked him making sure to mention HIS (first) name, cuz, well, I figured he should know that I knew it.   PSM came back smiling, a big smile, giving me his card.  I put it into my change purse, as I really don't wish to lose it even if, well, we'll just see if he contacts me.   I'm real glad I could make him smile:)   Besides, it's a nice one.  (Admittedly, his last name, which I had not known, makes his full name the same as a celebrities, argh, so guess who shows up on an internet search, the celebrity. Giving a guy my number is bold of me, btw.)

Okay, here are some photos from the past whenever (I'll also try to put them into any particular entry they go with).   Some year, I'll have great photos, in addition to fun memories-type photos:)

So, after some deleting (identifying photos sigh, albeit ones M took may work, later), and some rearranging:

FIRST photo:  Christmas Cat Tree.  Captain is looking up at Billy (with the one green eye, one blue eye, hence the different look in them).

Second photo: Tinkerbell examining the lit Christmas "bulbs" necklace we'd put around her, while she sits under M's lamplight.   (Remember, she's mostly blind, so light stimulation helps her.)

Third photo:  My mother's birthday-dance at Bubba Gumps in New York City last December.

Fourth photo:  M in New York City inside the newly-opened M&M store.

Fifth photo:   Daisy enjoying her doggie-Valentine's cookie (with M nearby).

Sixth through Ninth photos:   Blue October!!!!! with M and me, from the "sound check party."   (Yes, thee first I've posted of me, snuck in behind others here...)  Photo 8 is the best, and happens to include their lead singer (pre-show makeup).

Tenth photo:  M and others from The Barn, while taking a short break from clearing trails at a local park for the horses.   Hmmmm, maybe next weekend would make another nice time for that.

Eleventh photo:  M joined by three friends at M's Big Show.   She was SO happy to have them come!

Twelfth photo:  The debut of the solo dress -- M, and two dance troupe friends, in their solo dresses at a St. Paddy's gig at a local nice and fancy country club.  

 

Tags: photos, photo shop closing, need good camera

Assumptions

I was chatting with another parent in my county whom I am still getting to know better (my county with a high percentage of adults with college degrees and beyond in formal education which does not necessarily equate to actual knowledge).   Sufficiently interesting conversation at the time but not sufficiently interesting enough to focus on completely, nor to retell.......   

We mentioned multitasking.

Me:  "Of course I'm multitasking.   I have ADD."

Friend:   "You DO?"

Me:  "Yes.   It's not been diagnosed officially, but I'm way off the charts in any of those questionnaires."   (Hard enough for me to coordinate the rest of my life, never mind getting myself in for a not-critical appointment.  There are other items of higher priority going on.  I have, however, found an appropriate local medical person for my insurance who treats adult ADHD/ADD, when I get there.)

Friend:  "But you seem so smart."

Me:   (Silence while I try to figure out if that's a dig or a compliment.)

Friend:  "Did you go to college???"  (He knew I had, apparently now questioning that assumption if, egads, I had ADD.)

Actually,  have a Bachelor of Science in Natural Resource Management (emphasis on Fish and Wildlife Management).  Give/take 10 years later, I took approximately three graduate classes with the intention of pursing graduate studies once I honed in on the specific course of study that was the most interesting to me.   I found I really liked agricultural econimics:) while teaching natural sciences to middle schoolers held high appeal as well.   (I was quite involved as an advisor in my church youth group at the time, and had been working with my company during and following my undergraduate studies, some "real world" experience.)   However, C and I got pregnant with M, and I knew I didn't have the time and energy to devote to full-time work and study, and raising an infant, apparently now by myself.   She was and is worth my focus, especially then.

People with ADD/ADHD can be just as smart (or not smart) and capable of formal education as others. 

_____________........_______________.......________________........__________

Same day, different people.   Talking of paying for college tuition.  One mother had stepped in "last minute" out of frustration, and helped her daughter with the financial aid forms and other paperwork, got her a big binder and helped her daughter organize everything, explaining things as they went along.   Great!   Later, I realized this mother had not wanted to help with this.   The mother had commented how the girl isn't applying herself, she never completes things, including the financial aid forms and applications and other complicated paperwork, so why should the mother bother helping.   The girl just needed to try harder and be responsible for herself, per her mother who was ready to wipe her hands of this girls "laziness."

I don't know this girl.   She may not be that interested in attending college.   I do, however, know that those financial aid forms are practically beyond ME, as an adult, to fill out (for M's school I have never been able to complete one fully),   At 17 years old when I entered college, the first year my mother helped me out, filling out portions herself that applied to her.   (I did fill out the college applications myself, accepted where I applied, but felt the one place would be too costly.)

My mother has sometimes felt that I should just try harder, too, like this mother is thinking for her daughter.   They are not comprehending.  I do not agree with enabling someone.   When it's help and when it's enabling, can vary from person to person and as time goes on even with the same person (believe me, my brother and I discussed this just last night in regards to my father).   I do, however, know that I try.  I try real hard.   I sometimes spend more time, and try harder, than others, to accomplish the same task.   Sometimes, this is quite frustrating.   Taking longer to complete a task, even with trying to do so, is apparently not unusual.

Sometimes, for a person with a different-ability, it has little to do with how hard someone is trying.   Other things, other tools (behavioral, medicinally, how a situation is set up), can make a difference. 

Update:  I do think that many are mis-diagnosed.  I love the positives of it:)   And, many successful people have learned ways to work with it (including my Boss, and Mike V's friend, "Jim went onto college.  Student president there.  Started his own business.  You can't tell people that."  (Mike said I could include this.)   Some successful people with ADHD/ADD include Kinko's owner, and Robin Williams, tons of others with creative ideas, just after implementing, may want to move on to something else.  Each person is unique.  I prefer the presumption of good opportunities over assuming the worst, with assistance and understanding (for anyone, like a pair of eyeglasses), IF needed.   Especially with children still learning who they are and how they relate to the world, a person sometimes lives up to (or down to) the assumption made for him/her.   Heck, sometimes, having a mind that works a touch differently, can be enjoyable, too.
Tags: ADD, ADHD, assumptions with ADD, assumptions with ADHD

the mornings are too early

Right now?  It feels great.   It's also almost 70F, give/take.  Last night, Barn Director said, almost gleefully, "It's Daylight Savings Time, winter's over......." basically saying, let the riders stay.   Oh, joy NOT.   It didn't feel late, Megan was having a grand time, besides, a peacock got caught in the indoor ring!!!, but, damn.   "Mom it had an aqua neck, and it'd turn like this...." after having run down with a bucket of water.  (Animal rescue was coming, obviously a bird that'd been domesticated and lost.)   Having the riders / stable helpers stay an extra hour or so, just delays all the nighttime stuff, like homework and showering and grocery shopping and dinner (the last two needing to be done BEFORE my rehearsal).   They still need to get to bed, and an hour earlier than they feel like it. 

Hmmmm, can E ever dance.   It was fun the bit of rehearsal I made it to, while M did homework, I have made friends with this group over the years.   Anyway!

Yes, tomorrow is now today.   Today was worse in the morning.   Things usually hit M worse the next day, anyway, and yesterday was not only 1 hour short, for the idiotic change in times that I hate, anyway, but 3 weeks early?, but, from her dads house, she needs to get up almost an hour earlier, as with rush hour, it can take an hour to drive back to our area.   By last night, M having lost 2 hours, she was TIRED.   She'd even slept in on Sunday, and they skipped the parade (again, C is not into parades even if M may have been dancing on one of the floats).   I gave her the hugs she asked for, exhausted child who'd missed her mom, too, then sent her on in for a shower, which helped.

 

I hit the snooze twice this morning.   I'd gotten in early Sunday night, but not last night while trying to wind M down and get her to bed.   Daisy didn't really budge, Billy just got cozier under the covers.   Usually, I tell her, "Down" when I'm finally ready to get up.   She looked at me, and crawled up onto my chest instead of jumping down from the bed.   I get her down, go into the kitchen to feed the pets, and Daisy jumps up on M's bed.  

 

Daisy is a beagle.  She's not one to miss a meal.   Friday a.m. was not yet morning early, SUPER early so I could have M to the studio a ways away, predawn, in time for their scheduled first news hour live television filming.  (Which was fun!!)   Friday morning, Daisy seemed surprised, but accepting.   If her "grandma" wants to get up and feed her, and wow, a walk, too?  Who is she to complain.  Even if she didn't feel an urge to do anything on her walk for some time, argh, she was up and at'em with me.

 

Not this morning.   She didn't even come for breakfast, staying with M, almost as if to keep her from getting up and leaving.   I got a fair bit done, and coaxed Daisy for a walk.   LOL, even she is tired, she never turns down a walk, and didn't truly today, either.   She did, however, race inside for breakfast afterwards, likely thinking M had fed her while we were out (I had).   I knew she hadn't done enough, so yes, even with us running late, M wanting to get up on time and school and all, but just so zonked, I did take Daisy again.   She was happy, socialized with her dog friend a bit, and when sufficiently done, perked up when I told her that M would give her a treat if we went back in.   M's ready, Daisy sits by her and wags her tail, all normal and awake again by then, doing her jump/dance per M's command.

 

Yep, it feels great now at almost 5pm (had to squint, my glasses broken and this pc clock not changed).   Yawn, stretch.   Mini-ceili tonight, small party with live music, it'd be fun (ends early), or just homework.   M's riding.   She loves the barn, loves staying, I'm happy for all that, to hear in her voice how much she's enjoying it.

 

We have to work out this time change crap, though.   Blech.   There are the same number of minutes and hours worth of daylight, no matter what time someone calls it via a clock.   Not until a few years ago, did M EVER adjust when there'd been a time change, going thee entire "savings time" off kilter.   My neighbor couldn't even get her dogs up, today.   There are more rush hour accidents the Monday after a time change then, hmmm, I think any other rush hour morning, anyway, IIRC.  And, how the heck to get ourselves and our youth in bed on time, when it feels light and early, outside?

 

 I'd be happy if there was NEVER a time change thing, frankly.   We shift naturally with the expanding daylight, why manipulate it?   I cannot see how forcing all this havoc upon our bodies and our lives, is worth it.

 

Tags: Daylight Savings Time, Time Change