electronic messages and technology

"bring floopy" M texts to me 2 minutes before her school starts.   I'm thinking floopy, floopy, is this some stuffed bunny rabbit?  OH, the floppy disc she has her latest report on.   Now, I COULD have had it to her before school started, if she felt her father would allow her to call me, instead of having to wait until she's dropped off at school and then while in the locker room, secretly text me.......  actually, they are allowed cell phones before and after school.   I only got myself a cell phone so that she could have one; it's paid off several times she's felt a need to hide to contact me from her dad's.   Sigh, she shouldn't have to go through that. 

M remembered she was to have her Paul Revere monologue typed for Monday, and printed out.   The cartridges for our printer, last I checked a few years ago, were over $30. a cartridge, ah, nope, sorry, would rather eat this week or otherwise spend that amount of money per cartridge even.   The monologue gets typed, in Wordperfect 5 (told you this was old), and I copy it into an e-mail I send to the teacher, Mo.    M goes off to school also with a disc of the Wordperfect document, happy to report later that it converted nicely into Word which is what's at school.   Mo, bless her heart, told M not to worry about us not having a printer at home, Mo will just get M a memory stick that M can take back and forth.   I knew Mo would understand, M is happy, but lol, only because I have a younger technologically more with it boss do I have a clue what a memory stick is.   I told M that I doubted it'd work, checked the sides of the hard drive and the monitor, nope, no appropriate-looking holes, also verifying with my boss what this is.   Yep, a bit like a smaller thing he plugs into his computer each day to take home data with at night, as if an additional disc drive (called a flash drive or gig stick or, apparently a memory stick).   Really cool:)   NOT workable on our ancient pc, however, it having been manufactured back in the late dinosaur age of computers.  

So today, 2 days later, I find the floppy disc after I'm texted, but not positive it's on THAT disc, and bring another, checking them quickly.   Ugh, "the" disc keeps prompting a message that it's unformatted, do I wish to format it now?   Hmmm, a bunch of stuff on there, I'm positive.  Or, it was.   I clean up another disc I'd grabbed and copy the e-mail body onto the disc, in Word:)   M was happy when she saw me, just done with lunch into the afternoon activity, "I'm going to drink beer today!"   She then leans in closely and whispers, "It's really worcestershire sauce."   (Somehow, the two taste nothing alike to ME but hey.)   She's wearing some apron or cotton dress which I'm happy to realize is a costume and not what she was sent in, lol.  I tell her what happened to the first disc, and how it's on the other one... "In WORD?  Oh, I want THIS one then."   lol   Not clear how her presentation and monologue on Paul Revere has now become her joining with others but in female clothing pretending to drink ale.   Interpretive history apparently.

I talk with Beth about the cd's and M texting me.   She's noticed more the latest item that many at Gallaudet seem to be using, from all the recent news there.   Beth uses a pager now, but was curious what M and I use.   Basic cell phones for us.   I really liked the full keyboard phones I saw while helping chaperone a school trip to Gallaudet a couple years ago.   Heck, they had video telephone booths, how cool is that?!  Beth really needs something better, also.   Besides, then she could just text me instead of needing a computer (she has a cochlear implant but otherwise, essentially deaf.  I even have a duel TTY/TDY and regular phone as our main phone at home, if the TTY/TDY portion is needed).

Doug calls me twice, the first time as I'm pulling into M's school, then later when he got online, trying to decipher his phone bill.   Dad's phone is on the same account and Doug's been paying for it, but there's a problem with the latest bill.   THAT's why he calls?   I talked w/ Doug from Dad's house just yesterday, and Doug had completely forgotten the plumbing problem.   Heck, today he was reasking me details of the whole phone thing.   He has a lot going on, the phone details are forgettable as he basically knows I haven't touched his, and took care of Dad's.   But, wtf is up with the plumber?  ARGH.  

I'm still talking with Doug as I pull into the grocery store to get Dad his groceries.   It's "my" store, cheaper prices overall and I'm hopeful it'll mean a less expensive bill for him, plus, it's closer to my office.   I've not looked for these items before in this store, however, and it happens to be a store organized in a way that sure seems illogical to me, heck, bread is in two completely different sections even, and canned fruit.   The cashier is real nice and real slow.   It's almost as if I hear the minutes ticking by in my head.   Chatting with her seems to speed her and keep her, and me, happier.   Pay for M's and my groceries, fine, go to pay for Dad's, not authorized.   The cashier tells me that on her screen, it says overlimit, so that could mean just for that day.   Interpreting this, hmm, did someone get access, did his mortgage check clear electronically and they are counting that against his daily limit?  "Do you have another form of payment, say, a check?," she offers.   I smile and just tell her that I'll pay for it on my own checkcard, then, and I do.  

Last month, a couple weeks of Dad's groceries I paid for, but after he got paid, I did cash those checks.   I can't afford to stay doing this, however.   I check his account online -- the mortgage cleared, gas payment cleared, etc.   About $10 left yikes and $12. check outstanding for the newspaper, so I'll add money but gosh.   I'm thinking, food stamps, other assistance?   Doug calls back about mail of Doug's sent to Dad's house "Why didn't someone call me about this?" well, sheesz, I'm telling him now, right, less than a week later, and it's not urgent and what is up with a plumber.......   I find his mail, and the forms I'd gotten for Dad for assistance.   Doug's ready to have Dad and him split the phone account into two, "he'd only have to mail in a payment."   Um, no, Doug, I will have to pay it for him online, so if you cancel your portion, change the passcode on the overall account to something I can remember........  

Dad calls and we talk about what's going on, and when he gets his social security check again.   We'll still write to his mortgage company -- it's one of the predatory ones -- his check was mailed the last week of the month, as I didn't get there the 3rd week to put it into the mail, and yet Nov. 2 they sent a notice for foreclosure for not having gotten October's payment, yet it was cashed and cleared.   This is ridiculous.  I'm hopeful that the payments will go down, too, once the property tax credit is applied for 2006, too.   I wanted it set up electronically.....

Dad wants to wait on calling a plumber now, as he has no money to pay for one.   I wish I could.  I'll have to contact my church tomorrow, I suppose.  

I'll have to bath Dad myself, too, for if he showers, the water will leak into the kitchen below as it was doing yesterday.   I want him in decent shoes and socks even, which yes is connected as I'm thinking bathing his legs and feet.   Last night, I walked around the department store for a bit, not feeling a needto buy, I was wearing my new birthday top, just looking at the new displays up for Christmas sales after paying on my bill.   Checking out girls long pants eh, not sure M would like this poor selection, albeit girls holiday dresses are 40 or 50% off already and on a Tuesday which isn't a typical sales day.   I check out tops to match the skirt M and my mother got me, which is theee exact same one I bought this summer while in Maine but decided to return, lol, not that I've gotten around to that yet, so guess it looks like me.   I pondered over shoes for Dad.  He says he's a size 11.5 but some only go up to size 12, so wouldn't size 11.5 be big?  I don't know anything about mens shoes.   This one doesn't have any arch support, hmm, neither does that, or, wait, is it my mother or father who has a high arch?   Heck if I know, other than that both M and I do.   One pair is real nice, dock shoes so easy to slip on and off yet look decent.  I find myself rubbing the leather........   then wake up to reality.   These are light brown LEATHER, as in, not washable.  UGH.  Another day.

Now, he has no money well, I could charge them.   What did we ever do with electronic gadgets?   Drink real ale and not pay nearly $4. a gallon for cows milk, and snail mail our communications, I suppose.  Oh, and Dad hit with bounce fees.  Not now.

more on getting older

I had copied into this journal bits I'd written on a message board, for a thread started by Vicki asking, basically, for "words of wisdom" in life.    This is her response to, basically, my last entry here also posted on that board:

This is a centerpiece in the scrapbook and here is the photo which accentuates the post. This photo is the lovely depiction of a heart which is not inflicted of bitterness.  It focuses upon  the proof of love.
 

That I did always love,I bring thee proof:That till I lovedI did not love enough. 

This is that photogragh that was captured from the camera's eye...  it is that mindset which promotes love to replace any hate... and a message of hopefulness to loose the binding of hopelessness...  nothing is worse than the deafening foolishness and the blind hate.  Life is too precious to not reflect the beauty of blessings and even bitterweet memories...  The photo does exhibit love...

 

Thanks so much for the post.

 

Vicki

 

And this is the "ancient birthday / being jaded" thread on another board and comments from some others on there which I found interesting:

 

And my eyes have opened to may differant things. -- ??

I guess that is what they mean by the older you get the wiser you get.  I am 39. -- ??

I just hope I can be as happy as I used to be one day. -- Nomad (I think)

I am happier in my 40's than any time in my life and mainly because I have learned to love myself for who I am and not dwell on what I am not and not to dwell on the things that I can't change. In my teens I was too worried about what I was going to be, in my 20's I was trying to be someone I was not and be a person someone else wanted me to be, in my 30's I dreaded all the mistakes I had made and thought hitting40 would be the end for me. Oddly enough I look better than I did in my 20's and feel younger now than I did back then. Happiness comes from within you and no one can make you happy and you have to find it on your own. Plus priorities change as we age, all the little things don't matter anymore now and I see the big picture. - Pass

 

So, as you get older, perhaps reach another milestone, perhaps not, how do YOU look at life now, as compared to your earlier days?

 

I did take a look in the mirror last night -- yesterday was a tired Monday after a full weekend -- if I have a good half of my lift or hopefully even more left to go, my hair will have been brown with a touch of red just a small portion, childbearing years over, my bones, my teeth, my skin, well, my skin renews but doesn't renew by looking brand new and youthful again, I need to be sure I'm taking care of this physical self of mine.   The rest?  I like to think is getting better:)   Drowning half the time in all I "must" do, but learning as I go, too, I hope.

to not become jaded

Two birthday packages arrived for me today:)   Thanks, BJ!, muwaaaa, thanks, sweetie:)   and Thanks, Beth and Len!    Still on a high from my presents, and seeing Missy M, I stopped enroute back from lunch and splurged by treating myself to a chai tea latte at Starbuck's.  (Not clear why grande = medium and not grand / large, and tall isn't tall but small but whatever, it's a fun treat I don't get often.)

Beth and Len sent me a double-disc, ha, almost said album, compilation of Beatles music.  I do believe I have this same set on 8-track.  (Yes, seriously, even if I've given away my 8-track player to Bob some years back.)    I'd talked with Beth the other day when Len turned 64 and she asked me what I wanted cd-wise....   so many great Beatles songs, yet "mine" is In My Life, the one my late cousin Dougie "gave" to me.   We'd stay up late at night and also spend our summer days listening nonstop to Beatles songs.    Very exciting for me to get both packages!, and Daisy didn't even wake up! when I stopped by to pick up the riding pants M had packed but I'd removed, and she wanted........ (and the packages by the door).

M looked a bit sad, or perhaps just tired? when I dropped them off as promised, in her barn locker, but she heard our truck and came to see me.  Twice she tells me, "I don't know who is picking me up, and I don't know when they're coming."   She had to wait the full carpool pickup time before trying to hang at the barn, even if I suggested she just call them.   We got to chat for a bit, I gave her a hug and kiss twice as I did wish to leave before Sh showed up, if it was Sh coming for M, so it didn't appear interfering (albeit, who cares, I can see my child).   I was glad, too, as this morning wasn't ideal.   M was up ready early, at first wanting to join me at the polls and then changing her mind, thankfully, just remembering late that she had her bibliography notes due, so I fussed while trying to help her and us not be late.   Then realized, she needs more organizational help, isn't the planner working?, ugh......  fine at our parting but still prefer a nice conversation before not seeing her or being "allowed" to talk w/ her for a bit.

I don't take a moment with her for granted.   I hope no one married with their children in their care all the time takes his/her child(ren) for granted, i.e., no one who isn't under constant scrutiny like many of us with kids in split households, but I know, every moment, is a moment given.   Nor with anyone whom I care about.   Dougie said he wouldn't live to see 30 years old, and inside, I breathed a happy sigh of relief when he did, but he didn't make it to 40 years old, so I rather toast to him, too, when I reach another birthday as if also for him who'd have turned 45 this past July.   My mother, my father, even my brother and stepfather, could have died by now, and my precious Grandma has, too.  Some people move into our lives for a short time, some longer, some we're glad move on, lol, admittedly:)   Glad for the conversation with two of my friends today, and the one with BJ.......

This is part of a conversation from another area.

E asks me:  "how old are you??? just curious?"
>
>I won't say when on a public board, but I've recently turned "ancient" according to my daughter who claims I'm now egads, middle-aged.  (I'm 45 years old.)  I tried to tell her that I fully intend to live to 100, so I have 5 more years to go before I'm middle-aged, but she didn't buy it:)
-- Sun
>
>
>oh wow...I would have guessed you were in your 20s! Although...I guess I don't know how old your daughter is...that would make a difference. lol
>>E
 
Um, yeah, considering she's been 12 years old since this past summer:)  Do I want to know why you'd have guessed in my 20's?!
-- Sun

 
It's nothing bad at all...I assure you! You're just so sweet and nice to everyone...you don't seem as jaded as most people are by the time they're in their 30s or 40s. :-)
-- E

I'm glad she didn't think I was being immature and hence THAT's why she thought I was younger:)  I think, instead, that what works for ME, is yes, to deal with things when needed, acknowledge the pain or hurt or work or whatever, but if someone's wronged me, to work towards letting it go.  Don't hold in the anger and let it eat me up inside, don't stay reacting to it, for then it still effects me.  Stay living and loving life, each moment as an Oprah quote talks of.  My mother was in the ER on Friday, and she's "alright" now (being monitored / trying to determine what triggers the irregularities), but she could have gone.  Even though she and I view life so differently from each other and it can be a struggle at times to deal with each other, we both try, we both do love each other, sometimes even enjoying each other, too:)   Letting go of the things that are little petty things, remembering fondly the things that are wonderful little blessings in life instead:) to me, helps keep me more sane.  I don't wish to be jaded or bitter or super distrustful.  I'd rather embrace peace and the joy of life and each other.   

 

Which all sounds sappy as hell I suppose.    Protect myself, sure, but not to the expense of not feeling and not living.   Sometimes, withdrawal is good and even healthy, just not forever.   Of course I've been hurt, and I may again.   I believe love is worth the risk, loving my grandmother and having that close relationship, even if it hurt more when she died, the familial love, or loving a man and the romantic love, even if one was shipped out to sea, known he would be, for example, some years ago.   Share the moments we do have in this life together even if it's known they will be limited.  It's too short to close oneself down and get too jaded or cynical, IMHO.   I'd rather believe someone's story and take the risk that it's true and I'm being conned, not spam stuff mind, then not be of emotional support and it end up, their story was true, they needed just a touch of kindness.

 

This is the Oprah Winfrey quote I read today (and yes, Uncle Billy didn't need to be my guardian angel any more after my Grandma died, too, and perhaps I have others up there in heaven as well)  Okay, sorry for the sappy, I'm going to love the cd's and the gift BJ sent me as well:)  Oh yeah.  

 

Now on to get groceries to my dad and pay my store credit card in person as this one doesn't let you pay it online unless you agree to no paper statements.........  good evening, all, and may your voting dreams come true, too!    (I did ponder getting my father registered to vote again, eh, if I know he'd be lucid enough next time, it'd almost have to be via absentee, how many housebound people, elderly or not, end up without a say?  Hmmm.) 

 

From A Prayer for America
Sunday September 23, 2001
Oprah Winfrey

I believe that when you lose a loved one you gain an angel whose name you know.
Over 6,000 and counting, angels added to the spiritual roster  these past two weeks.

It is my prayer that they will keep us in their sight with a direct line to our hearts.
May we all leave this place and not let one single life have passed in vain.

May we leave this place determined to now use every moment that we yet live to turn up the volume in our own lives, to create deeper meaning, to know what really matters.

What really matters is who you love and how you love

If any of this makes sense :)

talking w/ my dad

So I talk with dad last week, and visit with him, wow, what a great week he's had, I'm thinking.   He's been so lucid, so aware, remembering a lot.   (M laughs a bit when I tell her, "and Doug's getting worse?" "Um, yeah, maybe, honey, but in small ways right now, nothing really worrisome.")

I tell him that I won't come by on Sunday, that M is in a feis and where it'll be, which is the opposite direction from his house, and a distance away.   I would come by on Saturday.   Friday exhausted me, I suppose, or the week, or the combination.   M was still sleeping, Daisy was comfy after our brisk walk, I went back to sleep, to Mom calling me, then Doug, but ultimately, slept until about 12:30.   Wow, very rare indeed.   Apparently M had been awake earlier but stayed in her room reading and such, letting me sleep until she smelled the soy sausages I was making, so we got some for her, too, toasting the weekend with some egg nog I'd found.  (Neither of us like the feel of corn syrup in our egg nog so this was a tough find.)    Ahhh, the afternoon gorgeous -- what could be better than a November Saturday afternoon?   I hope Daisy enjoyed that walk as much as I did:)   Okay, add autumn temperatures and not winter temperatures, and we have it made.   Time kept going so fast for how slow we relaxingly moved........   chatting with BJ and other friends, M doing research for homework, other stuff.   No time to visit Dad properly AND get to the ceili that night.

(Side note -- Frank -- a ceili is a dance, and a ceili is also a TYPE of dance.   The dance itself that's called a ceili is typically full of both ceili dances and set dances of Irish "folk" dances, so to speak.  This particular one had NO set dances, surprisingly, albeit great live music, food!, dancing and more music, and general fun geared to a beginner level.   Some of my favorite ceili's include some faster, more advanced level set dances, but I don't get too picky really if it's fun.)

I couldn't reach my father -- his cell phone is on vibrate.   I cannot figure out how to get this new one of his to ring, not vibrate.  I can turn off the vibrate, but not turn on a ring.   Apparently, we'll have to get M to do it, lol.  (It's a Nextel, and they don't make much sense to me.)   Dad finally calls me, "Were you coming by today?"  I'm relieved.   I think of years ago when we'd go hiking on such days as this, how he "taught me" as we'd say, "the beauty in a tree."   Well, he shared it, as did others, and I love it today.   (I would have loved camping ah well, another weekend.)   We chatted a while, him seeming to understand fully that I wasn't coming until Monday now, he'd need the newspapers and trash taken out to the curb at a minimum.   Talked yet again of my mother's families heart history, like we did my last visit to his place, ironically, and other things.   A good talk, and I felt better for I'd actually wanted to see him that day.  

Sunday at the feis, in the chaotic gymnasium full of bouncing noise, I get voicemail messages on my cell from Dad, who can't hear me call him back, "I thought you were coming today, it's Sunday."   Oy!  "I dn't have any food."   Ha, he does and I know it:)  Just perhaps not what he wants, but I don't feel guilty, I can't fall for that, it's not true.

My boss asks me today how things are.   He's been helping care for his dad lately, but he meant in terms of my mother and the ER trip.   We talk a bit, he tells me to do whatever I need to do, which is great:)   I let him talk a bit, too, and I tell him that we're in the sandwich generation.   "I've never thought of that before."   He's younger, in his late 30's, this is still new to him.  

Today, Dad calls, today he remembers, it's today I'm coming:)   Except he wants vermouth.   Um, no dad, I'm not bringing that for you, besides, it's time off of work for me to come, I won't spend my vacation time bringing you alcohol.  

M calls, "Mom, don't wash my polos yet."   She means these fleece-like wraps that go around a horses ankles.   "Why?"  "I'll explain everything later."   "Don't you have a riding lesson?"  (My mother pays for those, thankfully.)   I don't know why my child thinks I'd have had time wash her polos between when she called and, well, tonight when M would see me.  LOL.  

Off to bring in mail, take out recycling and trash, and chat for a bit.   Dag, running short on time for groceries, too............   sigh!  I'll figure it out.  But,no booze.

 

Tags: elderly, dementia

Pick me up at the ER

Not exactly a call any parent wants to hear.   On the way to pick up M on Friday from my mother's/stepfather's, where she'd spent her day without school, M called me on my cell phone.   "Mom, BampBob says to tell you not to meet us here, but to meet us (distracted pause) at the hospital."   I pondered this briefly, that's further away, not closer, why meeting there?   My mother does volunteer work there, so I wasn't alarmed yet, even if I wondered why she hadn't remembered she needed to stop in there until now.  "At the Emergency Room."  WHAT?!   "Bob is talking with the ambulance people."   M was using her cell phone to call me.  I knew me getting further information meant holding up medical attention, and that this involved my mother.   My mother who has had all sorts of heart troubles, whose brother died at age 45 from a heart attack and oldest sister somehow still alive with all of her heart troubles.  

M told me later that she could tell in my voice that I'd beat them to the hospital.  Amazingly, 35 minutes later and further away, I HAD.   The EMT's, et al, had spent a fair bit of time there at the house caring for my mother.   They are so well trained in heart-related emergency care, one of their primary reasons for 911 calls, that the delay in hospital arrival didn't upset me.   Took a while to get an iv it seems, heart monitoring, etc.   Some sort of fluttering going on her neck.   It's making me ill to even write this.   She was shaking, and could not control the shakes, nor were they from the cold.   Her normally low blood pressure up about 50 points higher, or, at least later that night it got that high.   Bob and M arrived behind the ambulance, so I knew which one was "hers," and walked in with them.   She was so very pale, and the guy let her know I was there, later escorting me to the spot where I sign in officially to visit with her.

Aspirin, the supposedly plain and simple pain reliever, aspirin was one thing they gave her, along with an Rx/ other medicine, etc.   She wasn't fully calm yet, almost seeming to get more anxious that M would miss her dance class, even if it was an extra practice session.   Bob was there, she was "okay" albeit still in the ER.   It'd make her worse if we stayed it seemed, so off M and I went, returning later to relieve Bob to go home for a bit, walk their dog and take his medicines (which he'd taken beforehand, but I didn't know that).   He wouldn't have left her if we weren't there, reluctant as it was.   Mom sometimes had up to 3 "irregularities' fluctuations on her monitor screen at once, and yes, up to 50 points higher in her blood pressure than her normal, then another Rx.  The first one had her seeing double-vision, so a CAT scan..... normal.   Her color was back and yet she was not well.  

Mom is home.   M and I both slept a lot on Saturday.   Mom insisted on seeing M at the feis on Sunday, anyway, and nicely another parent with good seats not way up in bleachers, understood, and let Mom AND Bob, sit down for a spell.   Both of them so worried about each other.   They couldn't stay long, but they tried their damndest.   If M helps give her a reason to live, and she has no interest in dying that I'm even remotely aware of, then good.   M is old enough to understand if they didn't come, but they always do for the ones held in this spot, near their former home.   (Si's first feis, also, and M did well!, but that's another entry.)   No birthday dinner out at "the" restaurant, which is fine by me.   No saying how long a feis will run, when her dances are complete.   Bob fixed dinner, chosen by my mother, and my mother made a apple spice cake with apples in it.  M had chosen the recipe on Friday, but no time to get it made with my mother.   Ah, and fresh good vanilla ice cream, very very good I must say.   And presents.   I won't see them all this coming week, well, unless another emergency we sure hope won't happen.

We didn't stay real long, all of us tired, really.   Bob took photos, and my mother did say softly to him that she wants to at least put on lipstick in case it's her last photo, so she doesn't look half-dead.   She's really wanting it to appear to M to just be a medicine problem, not alarm M, not get her upset.   I told her that she looked just fine, and she did, that she'd looked bad when she went IN to the hospital......

Her cardiologist visit today ended with a 24-hour heart monitor, not clear if differing medicines, and a revisit later in the week.   She got two shifts covered, and either Bob or I will do the carpooling of M later this week, not Mom.  

It's really scary.   Oh, I do hope she's fine now, even if the symptons have still not yet fully dissipated and all, I *think* she'll be able to get them straightened out, find the real problem, with her actual doctor.   She could have just gone, though.   We don't view the world in the same way, but I do love her.   I don't want her to die.

And, um, yeah, this was 14 minutes after M and I WERE to meet up with the other Girl Scouts to go camping.  I knew not to go.  I thought that was because of the weather, I'd gotten hypothermia twice and hadn't adjusted to this particular colder weather yet, and I LOVE cold weather once I've adjusted.   Ah, maybe the cold was God telling me to stay home, all of that.   I don't know, but I"m glad I didn't go there.

I think of Dougie, gone from this earth, my late Gram.   I'm very grateful for every day, every year, that I can stay with others whom I love still here in my life, and that was really the celebration we had.   Mom, you're not going anywhere yet, you'll get to your  next birthday, also (late December).

cold ceili night, hot ceili evening, beginner's ceili fun

Last Saturday night was my main ceili/set dance group's costumed barn ceili.   This is what I wrote but couldn't get entered to my journal for the Cold Ceili Night:

I'm SOOO tired now, thankful for an extra hour.   I slept 2-3 hours extra this MORNING, didn't even wait until afternoon when I felt like a nap again but ignored it.   Finally admitted, alright, I am sick not worn out, clues included too much sleeping this week, waking up normally even.   Too dark out, but I wasn't tired.
The ceili was great:)   This family has a large property with a barn they've converted half of into an office.   He sells artwork; she's a dancer.   That part was heated, and the upstairs opened up so some heat got into the barn.  The four musicians played up there, the acoustics actually pretty good.   The floor perfect for dancing, my red shoes not even looking red by the time I got home:)   Somehow, I never changed into my dance shoes.   I did occasionally put my coat back on.

I didn't think I'd dress up, didn't feel inspired to blah blah, but it started sounding exciting after talking with a few friends.   I went into M's closet of dance items and the large plastic bin with dress up and costume ideas.   Maybe something would work.   When M was a toddler, my aunt Beth and uncle Len sent M a black fake-fur headband with soft ears and a red bowtie with white polka dots on it, along with a Minnie Mouse pillow case.   Grabbed the white headband with large beaded unicorn horn on it that I'd gotten her, also.   Hmmm, what the heck -- M's Minnie Mouse costume from last year was hanging there, taken out with her Tinkerbell costume she's wearing this year and sent on with M to her dad's.   Oh my the MM one actually fits, mostly, short-waisted but as Minnie Mouse, that still works.   Made it a bit festive, really, fitting in more, too:)

Windy night, clear sky with visible stars and no cloud cover.   I pulled on jeans under the dress before I went home.   When dancing, though, I'd warm back up, my hands last.   We were cracking up on the 4-hand reel -- I see M do this weekly and yet somehow I still forgot the entire figure that my group does not do in performances.   Seems we all forgot!   The waltzes were fast ahhh but still a waltz:)   I could float away on a waltz..... The "Father" told me he'd not danced with a mouse before, and I told im I'd not danced with a priest before.   (Wait, I dated three guys who bacame pastors, did I dance with any of them?)   "Well, not a Catholic one."   I also waltzed with a Rabbi, who I first thought was an Amish man except the curls were to be the giveaway.   I could float away with E, my favorite of dancers.   We danced two together, Siege of Carrick which many couldn't remember lol, and the concluding Cashell Set that was fun.   He's smooth, he's a fantastic dancer and in a style I love.   I just try to relax and move along with him, or as he leads me, keep up with the fancier things he throws in and when swinging, just relax into it, and swing (fast).   A girlfriend of mine pulled me into Sweets of May, lol, I told her she owed me!   M and I both dislike that one, for in performances and rehearsals, there are such dour faces for Sweets of May.   Then again, guys and others were also dancing it tonight, having fun.   North Kerry set wait, I feel as if I danced that one with E, also, did we get THREE in?   NO one seemed to be sweating tonight.   A few guys were wearing wigs of long hair and two kept having trouble, playing with the length, finally I put E's into a ponytail which he was quite grateful for.   I swear it looked like an Ozzy Osborne then.  

SO's former girlfriend whom had been one of his best friends wives, but SO got so emotionally close with her, that SO broke it off with me and she and her husband broke up (headed that way, anyway, admittedly).   She and I are fine, even if I'd not had a chance to chat with her or dance with her since SO and her broke up, so this was nice to do both briefly, a short bit, and then across from each other in the 6-hand fairy reel.   Last local ceili I got to, her STBXhusband was there, and he felt awkward at first, but I got to say I was sorry to hear of their breakup, and really, he and I were both the jilted parties.   I suppose I'm fine with all three then.

YAWN.   I wish I'd reached M -- I had to call there three times before I got past some message asking me for my mailbox #or press star (hmmm could I have listened to their messages but I don't want to, just want to leave one, reach M).   I talked about the horse show, certainly they've seen the brochures this week for it, her clothes for it, yet C will simply ignore if it's not brought up........   I feel for her and just hope she'll stay growing stronger about talking with him about what things she wants.  

I'm so tired, I'm not feeling super well, but I'm feeling great, too.  I love dancing!

Then Sunday, yes, another ceili SUNDAY, I hadn't been to even a mini-ceili since summer, and now two in one weekend.     

Sundays ceili, by my other dance group, was held in conflict with a fundraiser my main dance group was asked to perform for, and many did.   I knew I need to just DANCE, both would be fun, but to the ceili I went.   I'm smiling to think of it now -- different musicians from Saturday, all good ones.   E stated his costume was Ozzy Osborne this time, instead of a "I don't know," and he and another friend of mine who dressed as a (male in drag) witch, both won, lol.   I'd spent a long time at my father's, squeezing in extra work I'd neglected during the week.   No costume for me, not even dressing up like I normally do for this one.  Jeans and a red "snow angel" t-shirt, lol, but I was thrilled to know I'd be dancing Lancers with P to conclude the ceili, and some other one with E.   A new woman from my main group was there, so I talked with her some, helped get her paired nicely for a couple dances.   We have a potluck dinner there, yum.   Some of course still pig out, some eat healthily with some snacking.   Danced a few with women, no biggie, better to dance than not, eh?   Good people.   I only know P from this group, yet a couple years ago when we figured out we like each others dancing style, and that we have just downright fundancing together, that we click, we'll seek each other out (usually he spies me).  I finally figured it out, we often dance the Lancers together, perhaps always.   Nicely, these groups know that dancing with others isn't a "hitting on" others, it's dancing.  He, like others, certainly choses favorite dances with his wife, like I would do with SO when he and I were a couple, or the two times BJ joined me for an Irish dancing outing.   P and I will be partway through Lancers when we really get flowing with it, it's fast, it's exhilarating, and we move so well together.   That "high" must be like a runner's "high," it makes it all so worth the while.   The Christmas' (joining in a circle and spinning everying around), and the lineups are highlights of the Clare Lancer's.   And, yes, a fair amount of sweating at this ceili:)  lol   Some guys will change their shirts.  Having gum or mints helps, too, after eating -- we can get close enough to breathe off of each other at times.   As always, this one ends with a playing of the Ireland national anthem, and then the US one (with singing).

Tomorrow will be a dance school ceili -- mostly stepdancers and their families, only some of them familiar with ceili and set dances.   M is SO excited, hoping a couple of her friends will come.   I've helped advertise it.   M wanted to dance Irish stepdancing since she sat on the edge of her seat at 2 years old for thee entire Riverdance performance.   Lacking any too close that I knew of, I started her in my ceili / set dance group and joined her.  Now she's moved on to the stepdancing.   But, we can both do these on Saturday:)   It is good to be able to share some thing.   She doesn't believe her dad will come, can't imagine him coming (he has typically not been too pleased M was doing Irish dancing, another reason to ease her in, and yet now Si is, also, who has zero Gaelic blood in her, not that it matters but it may to him).   Then, M says, maybe they'll bring Si.  AH, yes, never bringing M, but perhaps Si.  Whatever.   It's still something M and I can share with, while knowing others.  I'd asked another parent if she'd be up for the 4-hand, and she is!   (I'd practiced it in my class on Tuesday, while M was over a friends, so should do it correctly this time, ha, then again, I'd be in good company if I don't.)   I've gotten the names of the musicians, so I can advertise this, but I don't know which dances there will be.   Ah well.

Sanity.  I got to my father's on Sunday, after the chilly evening ceili, and the morning hours spent at the barn waiting for M to show for the horseshow and bringing her boot straps, etc., (he didn't bring her), then hours at church in the nursery and talking with others.   It was chilly but warm enough.   I felt human again:)   For me, going dancing, and going to church, helps keep me sane.   Guess I should remember that.  Heck, it was actually nice to just talk, socializing talk, while I spent probably an hour sweeping Dad's family room carpet.   In the midst of the "have to do's," remembering the "make life sane and worth living" do's, too.

Tags: ceili, Irish dancing

Happy November:) Birthdays and all

Ah, tis the season.   In talking with M today, who is off of school and enjoying her day with my mother and Bob, I realized they were planning on having my birthday meal partially tonight, lol.   Um, okay.   Glad I'd nixed the idea already of us camping (with Girl Scouts) in the recently 24-31 degrees F weather tonight (in the 70's earlier this week, crisp Canadian air waving the trees about now).   Except M wants to do an extra feis practice, also.   I told her to figure it out with my mother, whatever is fine!   The original idea had been Sunday night as the birthday dinner night with my mother/Bob/M.

Ah, yes, my uncle turned 64 this month, will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?   Not that Paul McCartney is doing so well these days with his STBX wife.   Ah, but Beth and my now 64-year old Uncle Len are doing fine:)   Were to take a ferry over to my cousins, celebrate, and help him move this weekend into a new home where he and his fiancee will live.   (She's awaiting her fiance status to be approved, so right now, isn't even allowed to enter the US legally, from Canada, which sucks.  And, once it's approved, they must be married within I think 90 days, which makes wedding planning a mite tricky, also.)

Amy (onourown private journal), MikeV009 (I'm Going Sane in a Crazy World), my long-time friend, Chuck (www.myspace.com/chuckjdc), even Laura Bush turns 60 this month (if she has a blog, I don't know of it!), and I, all share the month of November for our birthdates:)   At least, IIRC, Mike's is in November.  

I love fall.   The colors, the pollens all dead so I can breathe again, enjoy the world around me!   It's a gorgeous day today just frigid brrrrr and one of thee main things I learned in my 40-hour GS training class (yes, 40 hours and I had the flu for part of it), is that if I'm not adjusted to temperatures yet and I am cold / can't get warm, I will be truly truly miserable.   If the temperature was warm today, also?  I'd be dragging M along on this trip:)   It still sounds exciting for me, even M likes the location a lot (formerly part of the Underground Railroad).   Hiking with Daisy and M tomorrow, yes, maybe that's what we'll do instead:)   Visit my dad for a mite.   And a ceili at night, inside, and slower speed for the music most likely as it's a very beginners ceili, but, still dancing and movement and fun:) 

Fall can bring exhilaration, breathing in that cooler crisp air, when warm otherwise, yes, pumpkins, and apples, I love most things with apples and pumpkins, too, actually.   Thanksgiving foods rank up there with my favorites, yum, munched on dried cranberries this morning, and splurged on a sweet potato pie for a ceili last Sunday.   There were two pieces left over -- one I surprised M with in her lunch one day, ha, not a bite leftover.

So, happy birthday to all of us this month of November:)  (No today isn't "my" day, but what, you want my SSN and mother's maiden name, too?   I will say that M joked with me that I'm REALLY middle-aged this month lol, um, hey, child, I plan to live until I'm 100 or so, not just 90, so that means I won't hit middle aged for 5 more years, riigghhttt?)

Updating to adda link I'd thought I'd lost, but had wanted to include here:   Candy by Sign: Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces - AOL Horoscopes  Supposedly I'm a fan of dark and shadowy so stock up on candy cigarettes, lol.  Ah, not true, but I DO like licorice, and if it's going to have to be chocolate, make it real DARK chocolate:)